Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm, and cause cancer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML
Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML
Today, my daughter asked me for permission to go to her boyfriend’s studio apartment without any supervision to “watch a soccer game and eat pizza.” I said no because she thinks I was born yesterday. She proceeded to throw a tantrum and told me that she hopes my breast cancer kills me. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to stop her preschooler from playing in the kitchen when I'm cooking dinner. She bitched about how I'm "controlling and micromanaging". As she did so, he put his hands on the hot oven and screamed in pain. She then shrieked that it was my fault he hurt himself. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
alaskababy907 11
Hey, I heard that if you stand too close to the microwave you can get cancer from the radiation in those things. You should probably stay away from them...
thatgirlinoregon 21
I wonder how much 'kimotherapy' costs? Less than chemotherapy, perhaps?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (104)
supimnyancat 9
Seems legit.
DrMime 10
Sounds like your mother has been standing in front of the microwave herself! Even though by my logic you wouldn't be affected by it? So. Umm? My head hurts!
mama2b3 20
Shit I do that all the time..there goes my sperm count..
CheckItOutItsYou 7
...
AnagenisisZagus 13
Translation for 37: Uhder?? Derp, derp, but isn't youz uh gurl, derp, derp?
Furrywhiplash 14
I think what 37 was saying is "... But you're a girl."
japtch 15
I think what 37 was saying was "..."
alexh15 13
Rise of the killer microwaves!
yuzuhere 21
Wait until she hears the radiation from some cell phones.
alexh15 13
Hopefully the radiation from your phone won't kill your sperm count. Unless you are.... yeah... using your phones vibrate function... :P
iheartLA 10
it's kind of true.. it causes cancer. You should also wait a few seconds to open it after it stops
Ugi 27
Microwaves are electromagnetic radiation. That's just like light. They can travel a distance equivalent to seven times round the earth in a second. If you are fast enough to open the door of your microwave before the radiation has all been absorbed you're pretty fast!
TheDrifter 24
It's designed to reflect the radiation inside, so some will bounce a while before your food absorbs it. The level of radiation in a microwave is harmful, though less harmful than the tanning beds so many people use.
iamyourgod 3
Wait a few seconds to open it?? Are you five or have you just skipped a lot of science classes? Think about it this way, after you turn off a light bulb how long does it take to go dark? And even the fraction of a second it takes to go dark is due to the time it takes the filament to cool not for radiation to dissipate And the light bulb in the microwave that lets you see your food is more likely to cause cancer. .
omgdoublefml 3
The old ones caused cancer, but the new ones literally match the background radiation that we encounter in everyday life. Learn your ******* physics people, Jesus. The wavelengths that cause cancer are no where's close to those emitted from modern microwaves
5HT2A 5
I wonder what rules your mom enforced when she heard about the nuclear radiation coming towards Cali after the Japan earthquake. Hopefully you guys already stocked up on your radiation suits.
xattitudegurlx 13
Next she will be yelling at you to not stand next to the dog or you will get worms..
PinkFun1969 9
Oh yea!! Mama want grand babies! There are studies that if you boil water in the microwave and let it cool then water a plant, soon that plant will die. ;-(
oldirtybasterdSE 0
It dies because you put it in boiling water
rawwwrrrsheet 0
A microwave is a type of radiation that's why they're called microwaves dumbass.
Ugi 27
Light is a type of radiation. So are radio waves. Your point is what?
omgdoublefml 3
His point is that he is retarded. Light and microwaves are a type of WAVES not the RADIATION that can cause cell mutations which lead to cancer