Love, Intimacy, Sex, Dad jokes and Cops: Zinger - FML

Zinger

By Anonymous - 01/09/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, we had the police called on us for our loud sex noises. This led to my boyfriend making the joke that he’s so good at sex “even the police came.” It was funny at the time, but less funny when he told our friends. Even though I told him to stop, he keeps telling people, and it's pissing me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 243

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 23:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 211

You deserved it 38 307

By screamer - 02/09/2012 06:41 - United States - Paso Robles

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 957

You deserved it 38 512

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 635

You deserved it 4 984

Not now!

By XxDiabolikalXx - 24/08/2010 07:30 - France

Spicy

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 813

You deserved it 4 327

Miscommunication

By xoxo - 01/04/2020 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend won't talk to me because I let a giggle slip during sex and he's convinced I was laughing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 419

Hot and heavy

By Lickmylovepump - 19/01/2012 04:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 442

You deserved it 35 591

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 20:34 - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 738

You deserved it 32 283

Honky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 382

You deserved it 5 190

By XxMe123xx - 19/08/2010 00:51 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 563

You deserved it 10 955

By TalkDirtyToMe - 10/10/2014 19:33 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 107

You deserved it 7 486

Next

Top comments

Crowned Sataness 12

Monday 2 September 2024 1:13

might as well get a sense of humor about it. you didn't care who heard so you didn't care who knew

SkullKandy0621 2

Wednesday 11 September 2024 3:36

why would you get mad about that? I think it's hilarious

Comments

Crowned Sataness 12

Monday 2 September 2024 1:13

might as well get a sense of humor about it. you didn't care who heard so you didn't care who knew

TomeDr 24

Monday 2 September 2024 14:19

So you gave him a boundary and he continued to cross that boundary? Does he respect you at all?

wrecklesswfire 3

Monday 2 September 2024 18:35

I’m laughing so hard at that joke rotfl

SkullKandy0621 2

Wednesday 11 September 2024 3:36

why would you get mad about that? I think it's hilarious

Keywords

Work Christmas You're fired AITA Love Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Mental health Health Relatable Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Intimacy Sex Lonely Holidays Bosses Capitalism Cars Covid

The Top

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 137

You deserved it 4 976

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 491

You deserved it 3 817

The Top

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 982

You deserved it 18 451

Today, I swerved to miss hitting a kitten, over-corrected, hit and killed the cat, and totaled my truck by hitting a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 498

You deserved it 13 893

Today, I'm in the coronavirus-vulnerable group, so I asked my friend to go shopping for me because I'm in need of food and toilet paper. They came back with a bag of icing sugar, even though food and toilet paper were available in the shop. Forty minutes later, the shelves were stripped bare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 800

You deserved it 224

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 654

You deserved it 5 119

Today, on my way to work, I was checking my hair in the semi-reflective window of an office building. I suddenly realized that the guy I had a one-night stand with last week was standing on the other side, looking confused. He now genuinely believes that I am stalking him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 405

You deserved it 1 707

Today, I cracked an egg which turned out to have an extremely thin shell, so at first contact with the bowl, it came apart in my hand and the contents glooped right through my fingers, all the way down the kitchen cabinet, into a half-open drawer, as well as onto the floor and underneath the cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 287