Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML
Today, my coworker brings in meat for lunch every single day and eats it at his desk. I'm a vegan and the smell makes me feel sick for hours. The management won't reprimand him or move either of us. FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML
Today, my roommate raged at me for "lying" about being a vegetarian, because she saw chicken stored in my side of the fridge. That chicken isn't for me, it's an ingredient in the homemade food I make for my dogs. Apparently, serving my dogs real meat instead of forcing them into vegetarianism makes me a hypocrite. FML
Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML
Today, after weeks of me "forgetting" to buy meat and animal products, my husband asked to talk. I was hoping he was getting the hints that I wanted us to go vegan. He wanted me to get checked for early-onset dementia. FML
Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML
Today, my boss was hosting some client representatives for a meeting and had offered to buy everyone lunch. The "healthy" place he's ordering from made me sick last time, so I'd politely opted out. At lunch, the reps glared at me in the meeting room as I ate my homemade chili con carne. Turns out they're all vegans. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
asapp78 16
Nothing to see here folks! Nothing to see...
Le_Doctor 10
Never got how people are vegan... I mean you're getting rid of bacon!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (103)
asapp78 16
Nothing to see here folks! Nothing to see...
applebramble 22
punch him in the face and claim you were sleep walking (:
revan546 24
I don't even care if he's vegan or not; if you believe in something stick to your guns, don't be a hypocrite.
OctoDope 15
What a porker!
guiltySnake 16
What a dumbass .-.
Le_Doctor 10
Never got how people are vegan... I mean you're getting rid of bacon!
smokecloud_ 37
Shhhh... more bacon for us!
TheAbstract 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Bacon is overrated.
smokecloud_ 37
Blasphemy.
clemsi 20
Shun the blasphemer...shuuuuun
Mauskau 35
I prefer steak. A nice bloody steak ;)
jun00 15
I prefer asshole :) nice bloody asshole ;)
cwl727 32
You either like bacon or you are wrong.
martin8337 35
I prefer sausages. no not that type you dirty minded people.
LCPLStewie 23
Bacon is every thing! but seriously no meat? or anything from animals? not my life style lol
stuckanemone7 7
Silence!
MrEatYourDog 14
Bacon isn't even that good.
oj101 33
Could it be one of those realistic substitute meats? Although I'm not in any way vegetarian, I often prefer vegetarian sausages and chicken slices as they have the same flavour and texture, and are far healthier.
Retrokitty 9
But why would he drop it and say he was sleep walking then?
wastedpenguin 14
those vegan meet substitutes probably give you cancer. like most things now a days
LCPLStewie 23
Vegetarian MRE's (meal ready to eat) are so much better than the real meat ones lol
10showgirl 16
Instagram!!
Rizzen 27
you're retarded. please leave
olpally 32
Both of you, GET OUT!
warsun 27
Can I go too? I gotta use the bath room
MisterEx 28
We don't know, 43. Can you?!
HarrisonHarrison 4
Yes, you CAN go to the bathroom. But may he go? The world may never know
kingdomgirl94 29
I hate that the old teacher nitpicking has become a joke online. Can has two forms: ability to do something and the permissive form. Therefore asking the question makes someone not only a picky douche, but also wrong.
EpicSquishii 21
It isn
thatnucca 36
What a meathead... Sleep slap the lie outta him then... Problem solved!
Ebola_fml 20
No one makes meat that looks and tastes like vegetables for a reason.
chocolatefrog28 29
Caught meat-handed, his bird is cooked!
scooterdude720 19
Ugh... that was a horrible attempt at something funny.
Saddyohh 13
And this is what happens when your mind dwells on meat for too long! Think now of vegetables and fruits. Ponder your mistake.
chocolatefrog28 29
No whimsy, seriously?
rosenkrieger223 24
This thread is so full of fail. At least according to the number of thumbs-down votes on like all the comments. haha
False_Stupidity 41
I thought it was funny, maybe I'm alone in this opinion though.
8born8 18
That joke was fowl.
Saddyohh 13
Jack Links is better for feeding your wild side than a turkey sandwich. Come on man!