Today, I came home from a two-week overseas business trip. My wife was at work, but she came home for lunch. When she came in, she brushed right past me to hug and talk to her dog. When I mentioned it, she said, "But I haven't seen him all day!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife, who I haven’t seen for over a month because we both travel a lot for work, got home. The last thing she said to me was that she couldn't wait to get home because she just wants some alone time. FML
Today, my wife came back from a three-day moms' retreat, and was mad I didn't immediately want to spend time with her. She called me 68 times (yes, I counted) while she was gone, so it was really like she never left. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home from being deployed for the past 3 months. As soon as he gets out of the car, he walks right past me and goes to hug his dog. FML
Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
Today, my wife got back from a "homesick" trip to NY State. She brought her boyfriend back with her. FML
Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML
Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip three years ago. FML
Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML
Today, I returned home from a three-week vacation. None of my friends realized I'd been gone. FML
Today, my wife and I both spent a weekend away separately with our close friends. However, we ran into each other, unplanned, at the airport. She was with her girls and I was with my girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
I would seriously consider re-evaluating whether you want to stay married to her or not. I mean, i realize people like their pets, but really? What. A. Bitch.
missus_butter 0
Whatever the dog is doing, start doing that.
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Comments (152)
ohhhhshizzz 0
Rota: No I don't need to **********, I'm not that desperate. Unlike you.
nazooer 11
#7, He should hump her leg? LOL :D
Ownord_fml 10
#32 Troll !! (in every sense of the word ^^)
ohhdamn 0
at least you're number two (:
ejvlols 0
lolz
AK 2
Time to get a new wife.
chanceuse_fml 0
#32 needs to shut the **** up. Surprise! It's the 21st century! Welcome!
xael128 0
next time ur with her and u c a chic u kno, drop whatever converstion ur havin and hug HER
pippysthename00 0
You deserved it for being that ugly.
tacoma77 0
yea my mom does that stuff to me. this past summer i had severe pneumonia and a high fever. my mom left me for 2 weeks and got pissed when I had to CONVINCE her to take me to the doctor. she refered to me as a financial drain. then my moms dog (whom i hate) threw up on the rug, she rushed over and took him to the vet that day and checked up on him evry 5 minutes. it was 500$ just to hear her dog had a stomach virus, and she was more than willing to pay 9000$ for a surgery to have her dogs kidney stone removed, which he could have just pissed out...for free.