Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with some kinky role...

By nuns aren’t sexy - 07/05/2019 02:00

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with some kinky role play. I chose a sexy naughty nun's outfit, complete with head cover, thigh-high stockings and crotchless panties. I guess my outfit was a little too convincing, because he couldn’t get it up. Thanks Catholic guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 983

You deserved it 813

Vulture

Batman

A pasting for pasties

By Sad_Happy_Gorl - 15/11/2018 22:00

Today, my boyfriend finally answered my Snapchats. He was laying on a bed with purple pillows and sheets. His are gray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 879

You deserved it 228

Getting the point across

By Anonymous - 05/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 612

You deserved it 113

By why? - 01/05/2015 13:41 - United States

Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding. I accidentally lit the groom on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 908

You deserved it 6 411

By arghgffhdfg - 15/07/2012 00:22 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 171

You deserved it 2 425

By Hairytoes - 07/10/2011 10:35 - United States

Today, I could actually feel my toe hairs flapping in the breeze. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 672

You deserved it 17 429

By MenstruallyFrustrated - 23/07/2013 17:18 - United States - Surprise

Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 851

You deserved it 6 175

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 17:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 139

You deserved it 7 851

By chris - 23/12/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, at work, I brewed myself a fresh cup of coffee. I set the hot coffee onto my desk. My phone rang so I answered my coffee, spilling it all over my face and body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 574

You deserved it 28 020

By Candy - 20/05/2010 12:37 - United States

Today, my mom bought me some expensive Japanese candy. I opened it, and saw that each chewy candy was wrapped in a thin, hard to peel off wrapper. After trying to get each wrapper off, I determined they were unopen-able and threw them away. I then read the box, saying the wrappers were edible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 334

You deserved it 56 481

By teepee - 13/11/2009 15:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing in Dreamworld, but the laugh came out as a prolonged creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 057

You deserved it 13 966

By brooke - 21/03/2012 17:12 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 165

You deserved it 69 294

By Anonymous - 08/10/2011 13:04 - United States

Today, the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with posted pics of them kissing on Facebook, and tagged me in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 969

You deserved it 4 177

By CaptainFluffyPaw - 29/06/2015 01:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 707

You deserved it 1 853

By hdgyfjdzdfg - 16/04/2012 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 006

You deserved it 4 888

By Laila - 20/02/2013 12:01 - United States

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 481

You deserved it 5 209

By AnalProbe - 12/03/2017 18:00

Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 030

You deserved it 479

By tingleballs - 28/04/2016 14:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 773

You deserved it 5 213

By storyteller - 04/10/2016 16:29 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I noticed I've been an Amazon Prime member for 2 years and never knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 408

You deserved it 3 620

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 00:29 - Canada

Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 814

You deserved it 3 444

By Anonyme - 18/06/2011 01:25 - Switzerland

Today, my girlfriend bought several packs of bottled water, even though we have pure mountain water on tap. She did this because the pile-up of unwashed dishes in the sink makes it virtually impossible to slide a glass under the tap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 422

You deserved it 46 579

By junkie - 18/12/2012 18:28 - Belgium - Antwerp

Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 107

You deserved it 64 249

By sophistication - 21/08/2009 15:36 - United States

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 094

You deserved it 3 216

By Pokerking98 - 16/05/2009 18:44 - United States

Today, while biking, I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 251

You deserved it 56 618

By Frazz - 10/06/2013 05:09 - Australia - Aspley

Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 910

You deserved it 5 223

By Anonymous - 31/01/2014 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 842

You deserved it 4 521

Well played

By Deadpool434 - 19/10/2014 19:27 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times' sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent." I got pranked by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 553

You deserved it 8 663

Why Change a Perfectly Good System?

By queenofthegypsys - 01/03/2020 23:00

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 867

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 05:15 - Australia

Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 282

You deserved it 43 483

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 07:20 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 473

You deserved it 5 615

By mista_sandy - 11/04/2012 16:54 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a guy asked me out and said he was going to take me to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you. I love Japanese food, so I was really excited. We went to Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 552

You deserved it 5 769

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 17:35 - United States - Keuka Park

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 276

You deserved it 2 538

By K - 16/02/2011 02:40 - United States

Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 470

You deserved it 2 807

By hborkowski - 27/12/2012 04:03 - United States - Asheville

Today, I went to a urinal next to an elderly gentleman. As I was doing my business, he zips up and begins to leave. On his way out, he leans over my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "That's nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 689

You deserved it 3 194

Amplified

By Anonymous - 01/09/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 467

You deserved it 4 346

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 09:01 - New Zealand

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 970

You deserved it 10 279

By Lily - 09/10/2018 17:30

Today, I did a sprint in gym class. Despite being the skinniest in the class, I ran slower than everyone else, including two morbidly obese people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 068

You deserved it 2 399

By Anonymous - 19/11/2018 05:00

Today, I signed for a delivery for my mom and something inside started to vibrate. I can't leave it because if she gets home and it's still vibrating she'll know I know what it is, but if I open it to turn it off, she'll know I've opened it and know what it is. Someone help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 753

You deserved it 345

Fantasy world

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 16:01

Today, as I was approaching climax with the girl of my dreams, my mom walked in to ask if I had her car keys, took one look and told me I need to get out, find a real woman and stop watching porn with my headphones on, so I can hear when people are climbing the stairs to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 1 698

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 03:27 - United States - San Ramon

Today, my leadership class was trying to decide who would run the kissing booth in our local carnival. Someone suggested me, to which the director replied, "We'd never make any profit with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 846

You deserved it 3 050

By Anonymous - 26/11/2017 05:00

Today, I called my daughter a wimp and insisted her pain can't be that bad. She left in tears. Later, I got a call from her doctor informing me that she has trigeminal neuralgia, one of the most painful diseases known to man. I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 10 253

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Top comments

Callyn 47

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Saturday 30 March 2019 2:56

Nuns are not sexy. I've never been Catholic and I know that. Talk about your kinks, don't just spring them on your partners. It works out better.

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 7 May 2019 2:42

At least that kink isn’t going to become a habit.

Callyn 47

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Saturday 30 March 2019 2:56

Nuns are not sexy. I've never been Catholic and I know that. Talk about your kinks, don't just spring them on your partners. It works out better.

mazor 22

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Tuesday 7 May 2019 8:49

I was raised catholic but wouldn’t mind to fuck my SO in priest robes.

Callyn 47

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Tuesday 7 May 2019 13:23

Whatever works for you and your partner. Just talk about it first, get on the same page.

831curmudgeon 7

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Wednesday 8 May 2019 22:22

Look past the fact that Callyn's first remark is judgey, and only pay attention to the second one about discussing kinks before implementing them.

bloopaloop 27

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Tuesday 7 May 2019 2:29

Try wearing a burka.

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 7 May 2019 2:42

At least that kink isn’t going to become a habit.

ahabsfan 14

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Tuesday 7 May 2019 3:27

Maybe he was picturing Whoopi Goldberg.

Nasdad Din 7

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Tuesday 7 May 2019 6:30

reading this got me up

Abbusser 10

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Tuesday 7 May 2019 6:34

Yes, because nothing says "nun" like a nice pair of crotchless panties...

ozie_bear 6

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Tuesday 7 May 2019 12:56

Umm ... it’s not catholic “guilt”. Try “Sacrilegious”. Imagine how you would feel if he dressed up as your dad and wanted sex. If he was actually catholic, it’s weird, perverted, and not sexy at all.

xxWTFxx1981 21

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Tuesday 7 May 2019 16:45

Yeah um I hope you were not molested by a catholic priest or something as a child nothing sexy about a nun so many places to go sexy maid, sexy nurse, shoot even sexy janitor is better than Nun lol

blueknight1st 26

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Wednesday 8 May 2019 1:37

He sounds like a loser because that sounds hot af.

whatsername 1

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Friday 10 May 2019 4:02

If your boyfriend is Catholic and you dressed as a nun for sex, not only is that incredibly disrespectful to the religion (regardless of whether or not he's Catholic, it's still disgustingly disrespectful) but it's also disrespectful to the boyfriend because you're using his faith as some sex ploy. If my significant other pulled that stunt, I'd break up with them in a second.