Today, I got a text from a female friend saying, "So bored, come over, let's fuck.” Knowing her sense of humor, I laughed it off and sarcastically replied, "On my way!” About an hour later, I got a message from her husband asking what was taking me so long. They really wanted a threesome. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, to get my mind off being single, I texted some friends. The first one was going out tonight to work things out with her ex, the second told me about his amazing new girlfriend, and the third replied an hour later with, "Sorry, I was having sex when you texted me." FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
Today, I got a message from an old friend’s wife. She said they were having a reunion at their place and invited me to come. She spent the whole night trying to get me to hook up with him! She wanted out of the marriage and thought that if she could get him to cheat, she’d get a divorce. FML
Today, I jokingly had kinky conversation via text message with a good guy friend. He was pretending to be a stranger and was fishing for compliments, and asked to have a foursome. Turns out, my friend lost his phone and I spent 2 hours talking to a pervert about what lingerie I was wearing. FML
Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML
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Top comments
Allie614032 34
Well if you're into it, go join them! Otherwise just explain that you thought it was a joke and you think it's a better idea not to cross friendship boundaries.
RichardPencil 32
Guard your butthole!
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Comments (7)
RichardPencil 32
Guard your butthole!
Allie614032 34
Well if you're into it, go join them! Otherwise just explain that you thought it was a joke and you think it's a better idea not to cross friendship boundaries.
RichardPencil 32
Good advice. But in either case, re-read my comment.
AmbrosiaFan 19
shoulda headed on over then, what did you do?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Social distancing: They're doing it wrong.
WistayShlaio82 13
And just like that, you’re as much of a loser as I am. I’m 37 and still a virgin. Welcome to the club, loser.
millsjoshua949 12
And you're complaining???