Today, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn't kick my cat out of bed because I earlier today had an argument with my brother over which of us the cat loved more. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm taking care of my friend's cat while he's away for a while. She's very clingy and friendly, which I don't mind… or at least, I thought I didn't mind, until I tried to go to sleep and she insisted on lying on my face. I felt bad for having to kick her out of the bedroom. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I've been trying to train the cats not to sleep on the bed, which is hard because they all adore my husband. I woke up in the middle of the night to him sleeping on his stomach and all three lying on him, staring daggers at me. FML
Today, I can't sleep. I don't know what's crazier, the fact that I have been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling for about 5 hours, or that I have been asking my cat for advice. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, my cat was incessantly meowing trying to get me to wake up and feed him. Because it was 6 a.m., and I'd hardly slept at all last night, my brain decided that the best solution to get him to shut up would be to hug him. The result was a normally docile and lazy cat giving me a nasty scratch next to my left eye. FML
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a paw slap, then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
Today, I had to temporarily relocate to my brother's room after mine was being repainted. Not only do I have to sleep on the floor, but I also have to put up with my brother and dog both snoring loudly. What's worse is that they alternate in snoring. Goodbye sleep. FML
Today, after struggling to fall asleep due to stress, my cat decided to wake me up by standing on me and meowing until I got up. Just for me to show him that my boyfriend had already put food in his dish. FML
Today, I went to bed, falling asleep quickly; however, my cat decided to show up and lay on top of me, making me so uncomfortably hot and sweaty that my body immediately woke me up so I wouldn't die of a heat stroke. It's fucking 1:00 AM. He NEVER sleeps with me. FML
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Top comments
lettertjes 0
You can get a cat out of your bed without kicking it, you know. Just lift it up and put it on the ground. Or lift it up and put it on a more convenient place on your bed. It'll most likely just continue sleeping.
Chunchunchun 3
I never kick my cat off my bed no matter how uncomfortable it is :)
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Comments (117)
Invioletlight 0
Sounds like you live at home with family if your little bro is involved. Is this the FML? I'm an unemployed college student too, but have not lived with family for years. I couldn't imagine living with them now. **** your life if you're in college and still gotta live with your parents... wow....
LadyRoc99 0
I was an employed college student living by myself. and while all my friends were partying, I was working. I became unemployed and started living the college life. Enjoy ur time in college. if u still live with ur parents, that's fine, it's not a taboo. now if u weren't in school and still unemployed loving with ur parents THEN it would be a fml.
NightKiller 0
This FML never says anything about what age they are, I don't understand why everyone is talking about college and moving out?
shanatilly89 11
Cos someone asked earlier if the OP is in kindergarten or college pretty much asking how old are you there for implying grow up and kick the cat out.. But i wouldn't kick it out of just move it get comfy then let the cat get comfortable around me lol
ChivalrousZombie 0
Agreed, there's so much irrelevant information in this FML... In fact, it may just be a MLIA disguised by useless facts.
Isamermaid 17
I, too, am a bit confused. Unemplyed college student? So you live at home still. I wish I had free rent. And... you and your little brother were both... at... sixth grade today when you had the argument? Yeeeeeah.
mayhemxphoto 0
wow. just wow.
shona_fml 0
ummm...? I'm not getting this??? what's your angle here??
shona_fml 0
do u sleep in the same ROOM as your little brother? is that y u couldn't kick her/him out of bed? bc he would know??? also, r u too big a lady to b able to share your bed, even if it's a twin, with a FELINE???
uhohuscrewedup 0
wow grow up!!! competing with a 11 year old, that's pathetic.
Joboo 0
Hey, I'm the last guy to kick some pussy outta bed, but c'mon... you can't be serious,
lettertjes 0
You can get a cat out of your bed without kicking it, you know. Just lift it up and put it on the ground. Or lift it up and put it on a more convenient place on your bed. It'll most likely just continue sleeping.
RedPillSucks 33
I hear you can get rabbits in bed the same way... And they're tasty
lettertjes 0
Actually, rabbits will always wake up when picked up and hop away when set down. And they pee when they panick.
RedPillSucks 33
ohh!!! Pee when they panic, you say..... *puts on golden shower cap*
Igor_g5 0
It's obvious why you're unemployed. But how did you get into college?
Lithicus 0
what an absurd fml
Chocolate_Chunk 2
been there, done that, without any bet. Cats are just too ******* cute to kick out, especially when it's raining them and dogs outside. Last time my cat thanked me by waking me up at 4AM
Chocolate_Chunk 2
(just to clarify, my cat is no indoor cat so putting it outside of the room would result in me having to clean up cat poop in the morning and placing it to the floor would result in it jumping back on the bed. The only choice was either kicking it out in the rain or letting it sleep on the bed)
youthink_fml 0
You're proof cat people are crazy. First, having a cat in bed is just nasty with all the hair, not to mention they wake you up at 4am. But if you'll have to clean up cat crap because he's an outdoor cat, he's still indoors when spending the night in your room, so he must shit in your room. You're disgusting. You and OP deserve it.