Work: Leave it

Leave it

By caleighrossi - 16/06/2014 00:21 - United States - Ottumwa

Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 601

You deserved it 5 381

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

Thanks, lady

By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 23:15

Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 373

You deserved it 255

Bigmouth strikes again

By Anonymous - 09/09/2009 09:58 - New Zealand

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer, I saw her battery was flat so I said, "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said, "Not yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 527

You deserved it 54 620

By janedoe - 12/02/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 796

You deserved it 12 740

By Misspoopypants - 25/07/2017 05:00

Today, I spent the first two hours of my shift cleaning up liquid poo after an elderly lady sat in one of our chairs and promptly let go of her bowels. I was so embarrassed for her that I even bought her a towel, underwear, and a pair of pants. She then thanked one of my coworkers for all the help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 254

You deserved it 357

Evil

By Courts - 28/02/2017 21:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 525

You deserved it 523

By disgusted - 23/02/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 441

You deserved it 3 683

By aisbash - 01/09/2013 19:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 146

You deserved it 3 632

By ouch - 15/08/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 351

You deserved it 4 085

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 459

You deserved it 4 927

By grossedout - 09/12/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 876

You deserved it 3 045

worldclassrager 39

Monday 16 June 2014 7:53

Lesson learned don't touch old ladies tissues

ItsAUnicorn 27

Monday 16 June 2014 7:56

Seems like some simple instructions

Comments

1dvs_bstd 41

Monday 16 June 2014 9:05

i want her secrets!

FrozenMusic 26

Monday 16 June 2014 9:10

That's the last time you asked about that haha

JessBassett 24

Monday 16 June 2014 10:32

I'd like to see her try... but still she sounds badass!

LennyComa 39

Monday 16 June 2014 10:37

That is the best threat an old person could give. Man she sounds cool.

khaled_almu 13

Monday 16 June 2014 10:43

Obey what she said.

WinterBlue42 22

Monday 16 June 2014 10:53

I suspect we may have found a distant relative of Chuck Norris. . Had to be said.

beaverteaser 16

Monday 16 June 2014 11:13

old people are fun

berkeleyjake 13

Monday 16 June 2014 11:37

George R R Martin's mother

the_real_dvd 21

Monday 16 June 2014 12:01

Nobody lives for 100 years and stays innocent. You gotta be a fighter to make it that long.

dragonkisses28 25

Monday 16 June 2014 15:07

My great grandmother died at 105. She did not have a tissue fetish, but she would beat the hell out of you with her cane if you got close enough.

LexiJ1 18

Monday 16 June 2014 12:35

I can't help but think of the old lady from Madagasca. Hm

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The Top

Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 11 188

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 607

You deserved it 5 177

The Top

Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 167

You deserved it 7 747

Today, I spent about 10 minutes searching frantically for my cell phone, while holding it up to my ear and talking to my friend about my plans tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 835

You deserved it 42 143

Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 274

You deserved it 12 185

Today, I was convinced I hadn't locked up properly when leaving work, and almost had a panic attack at the train station. I went all the way back into work, to find I had in fact locked up properly. It made me nearly two hours late home. This isn't the first time I've done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 845

You deserved it 9 472

Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for this sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 066

You deserved it 2 808

Today, my jeans got caught in the airport escalators. Seeing as how we couldn't get them unstuck, my mother made me take them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 308

You deserved it 3 275