Today, I spent the first two hours of my shift cleaning up liquid... - FML

By Misspoopypants - 25/7/2017 05:00

Today, I spent the first two hours of my shift cleaning up liquid poo after an elderly lady sat in one of our chairs and promptly let go of her bowels. I was so embarrassed for her that I even bought her a towel, underwear, and a pair of pants. She then thanked one of my coworkers for all the help. FML

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Ghosted

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Abuse

By Anonymous - 24/4/2009 09:04 - Australia

Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

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By brokeass - 13/6/2012 12:29 - United States

Today, I called the landlord about the mouse I keep seeing in my kitchen. He wasted no time accusing me of keeping it as a pet, and went off on me about his "no pets" policy. FML

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By EKG - 11/2/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2013 00:58 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

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By Unemployed - 3/10/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I checked my email for the hundredth time, hoping to hear back from a potential employer about a job I really want. No response. Why? My email with resume attached has been sitting in my Outbox for the past week. I never actually sent it out in the first place. FML

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By zoearcu - 17/4/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, my dad decided to wake me up by opening the shades and having the sun shine on my face. When he pulled them up, the metal holder on top broke off and fell on me. FML

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By fuckit - 31/1/2013 20:27 - Italy - Rome

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I didn't call her in the last few days. I tried to explain to her that I was out at my grandfather's house in a remote place with no cell service to stand by him on his death bed. She thought I was making excuses and called me a lying bastard. FML

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By ew - 4/10/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML

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By Tom Ali - 10/1/2012 20:50 - United States

Today, while driving to my girlfriend's house, I passed up a stop sign without stopping. A car passing by honked. I honked back several times and flipped them the finger. Turns out it was my girlfriend's dad trying to say hi. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2013 14:57 - United States

Today, the Internet wasn't working. One girl decided to try to diagnose the problem. It said to connect the Ethernet cable. She started making fun of the computer for spelling "Internet" wrong. I'm graduating with this idiot in less than a month. FML

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By iloveryanhiga - 5/8/2011 09:27 - United States

Today, my parents woke me up at 4 am and informed me of their impending divorce. They then woke me up again three hours later and told me "never mind". This same routine happens several times a month. FML

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By cuntsmom - 24/9/2013 04:47 - United States

Today, my niece, who is fifteen, convinced my six-year-old daughter that her name is spelled C-U-N-T, and just pronounced as Catherine. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2015 06:25 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML

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By MozillaHostile - 9/10/2015 18:54 - Canada

Today, I saw my cat attacking a suitcase under my bed for apparently no reason. I laughed and picked it up to show him that there was nothing there, only to find a huge wasp hiding under it. FML.

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By hateparents - 11/10/2009 11:25 - Australia

Today, my parents met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. They not only brought along embarrassing childhood photos of myself, they'd 'accidentally' placed an intimate photo of me and my ex-girlfriend with them. That was their subtle way of telling everyone they prefer my ex. FML

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By rugs - 6/8/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML

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By anonamous - 12/3/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

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By crazyt446 - 11/7/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML

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By groom - 12/12/2008 02:30 - France

Today, I cut my nice and tasty home-made sandwich in half to give to a homeless man. He tasted it, pulled an unimpressed face, and then stuck it in his pocket. FML

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By elo - 20/12/2008 05:50 - France

Today, I woke up beside a disgusting guy I didn't know. He told me he was the best friend of the handsome guy I was hitting on yesterday evening. I can't remember at which point I got mislead into bringing the wrong one home. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2010 16:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the foundation I've been using for the past month isn't normal foundation, its skin darkening foundation. I look like an oompa loompa from the neck up. It won't go away for another month. FML

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By chickenlover - 27/8/2009 20:53 - United States

Today, I was driving past a farm that always has 4 chickens walking around outside. It always cheers me up to see them, but I couldn't find them. I wasn't watching the road so I didn't see when I ran over all 4 chickens. FML

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By LittleArtist - 18/2/2014 01:01 - United States - Bessemer

Today, after 3 weeks of hard work, I finally finished painting my room. Apparently my 6-year-old brother thought I wasn't done and that he should help me out. I now have little red handprints all over my white walls. FML

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By oneiPodlighter - 10/10/2013 03:03 - United States - Conshohocken

Today, my "friend" came over. I caught him trying to steal my iPod on the way out. Proud of myself for catching him, I asked him to leave, only to realize that I had forgotten to actually take the iPod back from him before he left. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 21:12 - United States - Rockville

Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML

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By effme - 1/6/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, I spent ages applying for a scholarship on-line. I found out on the very last page that I do not meet the qualifications for it. FML

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By ICallBullshxt - 18/3/2017 20:00

Today, I added my boss to the "ew" list on Skype. I then realized it sends her a notification. FML

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By Miss_Whipped - 14/10/2016 06:04 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML

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By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/2/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? I dare you." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

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By thestudent - 18/2/2011 09:30 - Philippines

Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML

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By wut? - 4/5/2020 14:00

Notice me please

Today, my daughter has been locked in her room screaming and sobbing for the past 2 hours. Apparently, I didn’t make a big enough deal of her coming out, so I must not care about her. What I said was I didn’t care if she was gay, and that it wouldn’t change anything. Sorry for being accepting I guess. FML

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By scarredforlife - 12/2/2016 09:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML

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By dumbblonde - 13/7/2019 00:31

Today, I figured out that the roommate who I let move in with me on Sunday is probably a prostitute. I’m a lawyer. FML

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By stephiexbabexx - 15/1/2010 21:27 - United States

Today, I was with my friends at Burger King. While we were eating, I placed my cellphone on the tray, not realising that I'd left it there until after I emptied my tray into the bin. When I got it out of the trash, it was covered in soggy, sticky garbage. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2015 05:01 - Canada - Lansdowne

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

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By snowman - 6/2/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

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By all by myself - 14/4/2014 23:34 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I decided to go to a therapy group to help with my anxiety and to meet people who felt similar. I joked with my friend that no one would turn up as people might feel anxious about going. I was right. I was the only one there. FML

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By drunkenloser - 20/9/2013 07:22 - United States

Today, my alcoholism reached a new low when I found myself sitting on the toilet drinking a bottle of wine. FML

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By mav3rick91 - 1/3/2010 08:30 - United States

Today, I opened my closet to get my uniform to get ready for work, and found the cat my step-mom was looking for the night before. Apparently, it snuck in there and was too stupid to miaow to be let out, but had no problem pissing all over all my stuff. FML

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Top comments

By jessicasoho | 13

#7506446 - Tuesday 25 July 2017 9:27

Misplaced admiration shouldn't weaken the unsung heros heart.

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7506221 - Tuesday 25 July 2017 5:12

I hope to God she still doesn't drive...

COMMENTS

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7506221 - Tuesday 25 July 2017 5:12

I hope to God she still doesn't drive...

Reply

azouwa | 26

#7506268 - Tuesday 25 July 2017 5:51

ha ha ha ha thanks. I needed that.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7506249 - Tuesday 25 July 2017 5:36

That’s a multi-dimensional ... shitty situation.

Reply

allie2590 | 30

#7507456 - Wednesday 26 July 2017 8:58

FOR SHAME, MR. PENCIL, FOR SHAME!!

Reply

Nina | 32

#7510155 - Friday 28 July 2017 11:13

You knew better and yet you did it anyway. Why?

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7510588 - Friday 28 July 2017 16:47

Had it just been about the poop, I’d accept your scorn, but the fact that the op did so much to help the old lady and a coworker got the gratitude was transcendental shittiness and needed to be called out!

By ViviMage | 38

#7506300 - Tuesday 25 July 2017 6:45

Where do you work??? A nursing home?

No one brings me underpants at work!

Reply

C8H18 | 33

#7506488 - Tuesday 25 July 2017 10:05

Op here. I work at a retail store attached to a pharmacy. I used to work at an electronics store, and I also ran into a similar situation there.

Reply

Akitakat | 31

#7507733 - Wednesday 26 July 2017 14:57

Wow! It seems crapy situations tend to follow you like flys on...

By Personguy01 | 11

#7506377 - Tuesday 25 July 2017 8:15

And elderly people say that young people aren't thankful!

By jessicasoho | 13

#7506446 - Tuesday 25 July 2017 9:27

Misplaced admiration shouldn't weaken the unsung heros heart.

Reply

C8H18 | 33

#7511798 - Saturday 29 July 2017 7:56

Thanks. That comment actually did make me feel a bit better about the situation.

By olga_crvjl | 19

#7506451 - Tuesday 25 July 2017 9:31

Ohh that sucks

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7506580 - Tuesday 25 July 2017 11:44

It is nice to know there are still good people like you around.

By davainone23 | 4

#7507189 - Wednesday 26 July 2017 0:25

I know it suck that she thanked someone else but you did a wonderful thing so THANK YOU

By stayydomii | 21

#7507262 - Wednesday 26 July 2017 1:56

She might have mixed up you and your coworker. sometimes old people do that. I basically excuse most of their behavior until they become rude cunts. Thanks OP for being good to this lady and cleaning her up.

By chickensheep | 15

#7507385 - Wednesday 26 July 2017 7:01

Is your name Samuel Tarly, by any chance?