Love: Just pish yerself - FML

Just pish yerself

By Casey - 14/10/2010 18:20 - United States

Today, I realized it is now considered normal and routine that my boyfriend wets the bed after a night of drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 877

You deserved it 4 884

Best teeth in the game

Late term

Do me a solid

By CityBoysNow - 11/09/2013 00:14 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 499

You deserved it 13 207

Ah, those were the times…

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 20:50 - United States - Ely

Today, my 19-year-old brother subjected me to yet another rant about how the writers of My Little Pony aren't writing the show for people like him any more, the "true fans", otherwise known as pimply-faced adults who don't use deodorant and only shower once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 416

You deserved it 4 499

Business school of business school

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 13:58

Today, I found out my husband hasn't paid the mortgage in 3 months. We have a joint account, but it has always been his job to pay the bills. We are in the process of selling our house, and when I asked him about it he said, "Why are you stressing? We're selling anyways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 114

By myjobsucks - 13/12/2011 02:15 - Australia

Today, I found out that I'm working on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I'm spending my favourite time of the year working for $8.70 an hour. At McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 254

You deserved it 9 244

By Anonymous - 06/11/2014 12:15 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 663

You deserved it 4 223

By Stalked - 15/11/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 424

You deserved it 2 727

By Loola - 21/12/2008 05:04 - France

Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 852

You deserved it 2 516

By liltravol23 - 15/01/2009 11:36 - United States

Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 129

You deserved it 4 591

By latenightbite - 16/03/2010 23:17 - United States

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 083

You deserved it 3 078

By Anonymous - 24/03/2016 05:25 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was emailing a government employee at the place I'm hoping to get hired by. I realized too late I had been emailing her with my personal email address, which is rather jokey and unprofessional. She noticed and started referring to me as that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 377

You deserved it 6 968

By I Know How to Pick'em - 16/11/2015 12:25 - Canada - Beaverton

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 227

You deserved it 2 567

By RJB - 29/07/2011 02:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I got so bored I made a "to do" list for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 963

You deserved it 12 534

By 00bsg - 21/12/2013 15:46 - United States - Salem

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends and family said they were busy so I figured I was getting a surprise party. Nope. They all were actually busy. I spent my birthday alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 025

You deserved it 4 327

By queenofdeath - 16/01/2010 18:16 - Israel

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 883

You deserved it 12 311

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I was accepted to college and received a scholarship equal to almost half the tuition. After sharing this news with my parents, I spent the next 35 minutes getting yelled at about how I wasn't allowed to go there because my boyfriend might go there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 698

You deserved it 2 478

By mraow123 - 30/05/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 289

You deserved it 4 641

By burgeee - 18/03/2010 10:24 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, the love of my life sent me a text saying "touch my pork". Somehow I don't think my feelings are mutual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 411

You deserved it 4 249

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 17:39 - Qatar - Doha

Today, my boss's incompetent, lazy son got another raise. He only started working here five months ago. Since then he's been promoted twice and given a Bentley as a company car. All this while company profits are in the shitter and the rest of us are facing a wave of layoffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 160

You deserved it 2 062

By fet - 23/08/2012 14:30 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I had to shave my feet in order to wear ballet flats. I'm not a hobbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 156

You deserved it 3 437

By new 2 twitter - 10/01/2017 23:23

Today, I had to make a Twitter account, because that is apparently the best way to get news from our new president. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 548

You deserved it 1 564

By hobbit - 22/05/2013 17:40 - United States - Winthrop

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails asked if I wanted my toe hairs trimmed. I was so taken aback and embarrassed that I said yes. They charged me extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 481

You deserved it 13 957

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 131

You deserved it 2 516

How romantic!

By dislocated - 14/02/2018 20:30

Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 607

You deserved it 848

By Rose - 15/06/2012 05:54 - United States - Tenino

Today, I was at the mall with my friend. A lady came up to us and told my friend that she could be a model. Then the lady looked at me and said, "Oh... Nice shoes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 491

You deserved it 2 643

By Anonymous - 28/08/2010 23:40 - United States

Today, I found out that my entire school differentiates me from another girl in my grade with the same name by saying "No, she's the lesbian one." I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 547

You deserved it 3 077

By Anonymous - 08/08/2012 05:59 - United States

Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 117

You deserved it 2 838

It is what it is

By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 19:57

Today, I drunkenly admitted to a friend of five years that I've "liked" her for a long time now. She's been in a relationship with some douche for a year and a half at this point. She started crying, and when she finally stopped said, "I can forget this ever happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 271

By deeenalynn - 18/07/2011 16:22 - Canada

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 800

You deserved it 4 256

By verrine - 19/06/2009 08:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was mugged on my way to the bus stop. With no money or mobile I started to panic about the exam I had and ran the 3.5 miles to get to there. When I staggered up to the building only 20mins after the exam started, the university staff wouldn't let me sit it as I couldn't prove my identity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 855

You deserved it 2 986

By Anonymous - 17/08/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 245

You deserved it 3 830

By Bad Mum? - 31/03/2019 23:00 - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my eldest son told me he wishes he lived with his dad. This after I, two years ago, managed to get myself and my children out of the abusive situation we were in. Why? He didn't want to tidy his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 375

You deserved it 203

Check this out!

By What an ass - 23/02/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, while using my phone camera as a mirror, I managed to broadcast a Facebook Live video of myself applying haemorrhoid cream to my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 1 135

By MakeItMaaco - 11/07/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 870

You deserved it 3 757

By Anonymous - 05/01/2010 12:49 - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 191

You deserved it 5 379

By AFH2O - 14/07/2014 23:04 - United States - Visalia

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 462

You deserved it 3 868

By haqL - 15/11/2013 22:51 - Mexico - Quer?taro

Today, my girlfriend brought a 12-pack of beer to my mother's wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 481

You deserved it 4 880

By oregongrl1991 - 29/01/2010 03:32 - France

Today, my fiancé told me he didn't have the money to make payments on my engagement ring and that I either have to return it, or make the payments myself. Now we aren't engaged any more, and are "dating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 851

You deserved it 4 427

I Want the One I Can't Have

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 13:59

Today, I found out that the very attractive guy who lives in the house behind mine is working from home. I know this because he waved after catching my performance of singing along to a Smiths song into my hairbrush in front of the mirror, dancing around like a five-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 294

By MessyMal - 25/12/2009 15:30 - United States

Today, my 25 year old brother ran into my room very excited at 8am. "Wake up! We got a new puppy!" he told me. I was so excited so I jumped out of my warm bed. When I asked him if he was serious he said "No, but we have to go to church, so get dressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 363

You deserved it 9 338

By Anonymous - 24/10/2011 10:07 - United States

Today, I finally gathered up the guts to say hi to the girl I like. As I was walking down the hallway, I saw her and waved hello, only to walk into a bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 181

You deserved it 6 017

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:09

make his ass sleep in the bathtub

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:10

If it's white and slimy, it's not pee... It's mayonnaise.

Comments

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:08

he has dirty rompers!! ;)

KingDingALing 9

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:31

OP- look on the bright side! Cleaning it up can be good practice if you ever choose to have a baby! :p

FTC_Socialist 3

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Friday 15 October 2010 0:39

14--awesome dog.

suicidesimspon 0

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Friday 15 October 2010 1:28

umm.. who the fuck cares he said first? get over yer selfffff!! >_<

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Friday 15 October 2010 2:27

13, look at his pic... doesn't take a genius to figure that one out!

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Friday 15 October 2010 2:29

I'm kidding, just so y'all know... I'm straight, but i'm not one to talk...

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Friday 15 October 2010 2:30

get that idiot a diaper and stop bitchin about it

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Friday 15 October 2010 3:16

Marriage is like peeing in your pants...everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth inside!!

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Friday 15 October 2010 3:29

Be greatful you have a boyfriend, you dirty little hampster!!!!!

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Friday 15 October 2010 4:25

I'm actually not gay but BI. so I don't really give a shit what people say about me. I have an amazing gf and couldn't be happier. thanks.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Friday 15 October 2010 4:52

I figured so.. Well, good for you, emo kid!

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Friday 15 October 2010 4:57

I'm many things. but none of those things are "emo" Quit with the stereotypes.

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Friday 15 October 2010 4:58

Op- If I were you I would make his ass sleep in the tub after he decided to drink.

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Friday 15 October 2010 5:00

65- he's not gay.. can't you seenits a girl?

Icyyy 0

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Friday 15 October 2010 5:54

Wow, 65, you seem like such a nice and unassuming person.

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Friday 15 October 2010 6:30

People are so nice over the Internet. wrong. I only have to put up with shit over the computer but never in person. why is that? people are to affaraid to talk shit to your face.

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Friday 15 October 2010 6:38

He's kidding people, don't get all butthurt.

stephanie0613 0

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Friday 15 October 2010 10:34

Hahahah dirty little hampsterr <33 ohh god that made me laughh for day's! I love jersey shoree !

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Friday 15 October 2010 13:20

Damn. I'm tryna be nice here. Sorry if you found it offensive. I'm only on here because I have no life...

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Friday 15 October 2010 13:34

okay

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:08

lucky you

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:08

At least he's wet?

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Sunday 29 July 2012 1:07

Doesn't work that way...

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:09

make his ass sleep in the bathtub

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Friday 15 October 2010 3:57

or dont let him drink

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:10

piss in him.

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Friday 15 October 2010 0:14

Yes, Adan, in him. It's this old Cherokee tradition. You take a limb, (whichever limb you prefer) cut them open and piss inside of them.

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Friday 15 October 2010 2:34

yum <3

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Friday 15 October 2010 10:45

^ antiduckface.com

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Friday 15 October 2010 16:57

^ antduckface.com

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Saturday 16 October 2010 3:17

I was making the zoom zoom face with my wittle rocket ship! Duck you!

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:10

If it's white and slimy, it's not pee... It's mayonnaise.

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Friday 15 October 2010 0:53

omg really that's stupid

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Friday 15 October 2010 2:36

Can I marry you?

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Saturday 16 October 2010 0:02

are you a nurse or a cop?

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Saturday 16 October 2010 2:40

A little of both.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:12

How often does he drink? You should probably talk to him about it.

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Friday 15 October 2010 2:17

mintcar put a t shirt on

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Friday 15 October 2010 4:03

Close your eyes.

MissErikaHart 0

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Friday 15 October 2010 7:17



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Thursday 11 August 2011 12:44

She has one on

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:17

Hopefully, that doesn't get you wet.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:19

Leave him out next time, duh.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:24

he just likes to keep cool and wants to save money on air conditioning

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Friday 15 October 2010 0:49

piss is warm duh

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 341

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 171