Sex, Religion and Intimacy: Jesus wept

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 331

You deserved it 7 041

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By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 22:00

Today, at a bar, a drunk girl kissed me, so I went home and confessed what happened to my girlfriend. She forgave me but took it as permission to admit she’s cheated sexually at least once a month for over a year, then got mad I didn’t immediately forgive her like she forgave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 129

By churchgoer - 20/03/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 644

You deserved it 9 562

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 002

You deserved it 4 133

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 11:28 - United States - Manhattan Beach

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 966

You deserved it 2 106

By petmosch - 04/08/2017 00:30

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 260

You deserved it 2 427

By OopsKid - 30/05/2011 18:14 - France

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 301

You deserved it 16 532

ionelementz112 0

Tuesday 3 February 2009 21:48

You should have said, "I forgive you."

Adam_B 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 11:45

FML = F*** My Life FML = Forgive Me Lord Coincidence...?

Comments

ionelementz112 0

Tuesday 3 February 2009 21:48

You should have said, "I forgive you."

n3rdzgotskillz 29

Friday 9 October 2009 21:54

Haha, win :')

teozac 0

Tuesday 2 February 2010 14:16

WIN

erick1105692 0

Monday 22 February 2010 5:19

lawl

imsexb3ast 0

Friday 26 March 2010 1:30

lol nice 1 there

Bilama 1

Friday 19 November 2010 13:55

LMAO! yes

AwkwardPartyBear 24

Tuesday 1 February 2011 2:28

mwahaha epic win there

Rawr100 0

Wednesday 11 May 2011 18:59

**** yeah

alpuppy 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 14:49

so incredibly hot

GMS1 7

Wednesday 1 September 2010 8:03

yes! I thought so too.

changesinme 0

Thursday 11 November 2010 18:51

I wonder who she was thinking of when she came, you or .....

Leoboy635 0

Monday 21 March 2011 6:29

lmao win#105,that made my day

Ryanjr 2

Wednesday 15 August 2012 16:33

I know right!

moxy_fml 0

Friday 6 February 2009 17:54

DUDE, AWESOME

HanisMan01 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 13:36

I would have yelled Praise the lord! as i finished haha

WhatThePhuc 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 8:17

that is so awesome lol

MisterJD 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 15:57

It's always easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission...

yayhesdead165 1

Friday 3 July 2009 1:56

#7 is right #24 also right and #26 sometimes right stick with it and it will pay off!

cndrow 0

Monday 9 February 2009 23:30

Oh gawd, that's horrifying to me. lol! You poor thing.

randome101 12

Thursday 12 June 2014 22:21

Yeah that would freak me out

2random 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 11:52

haha at #20 that made me laugh sooo much !!! LOL

strawberrymilksh 0

Wednesday 11 February 2009 5:02

hahahahahaha this made my life.

captcool024 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 9:18

i wish i was you.. the only thing better would be the houdini.

Keywords

Love Awkward Relatable Students Work Racism Health Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Friends Teenagers Embarrassing Sex Intimacy Food Revenge Animals Cats Boredom Management Parenting Kids Sexism Parents Miscellaneous Weird Job interview Facebook Social Media

The Top

Today, a guy for whom I did a design job told me he would only be able to pay me in 3 weeks. I told him that it was OK, as long as I didn't have to follow him around to collect my money. "Don't worry, I know the feeling," he said, "I used to run an illegal business." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 513

You deserved it 2 171

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 246

You deserved it 589

The Top

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 277

You deserved it 4 161

Today, it was my daughter's 11th birthday party. One kid broke a vase, another lost a (baby) tooth, and two kids, including mine, tested positive for Covid. My kid parties harder than I ever have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 254

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 944

You deserved it 13 363

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 975

You deserved it 4 258

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 650

You deserved it 3 295

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 562

You deserved it 90 878

Jesus wept

Same thing different taste

So happy together…

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