Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML
Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML
Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML
Today, while I was sleeping I heard my girlfriend moaning. She was seemed to be having a wet dream. She moaned more in her dream than when having sex with me. FML
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Top comments
joshiepo0 18
Massage her before sex.
DocBastard 40
Remotely intelligent?
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Comments (127)
goreajek 13
Now that you know you need practice, go and get some. Cause everyone knows practice makes perfect. But if she ever asks how you got so good... well thats all you my friend.
krakhd 15
what a shmoe.
spikekutter 9
pretend its foreplay next time..
thejust666 6
Tell her- "I haven't had as much practice as you"
jujubunni5 9
Maybe you guys weren't meant to end up together? I've heard great sex leads to a great marriage.
DrunkButterfly 17
There's alot more to relationships than sex.
perdix 31
#48, yes, but if the sex is lousy, many other parts of the relationship suffer. If the pre-marital sex is unsatisfying, it's all downhill from there.
EvilUndead 9
48, there are many different kinds of relationships. Some involve sex, some don't. Some consist mostly of sex, some don't. Also marriage does not always mean sex.
jujubunni5 9
Hey. I'm not saying this is written in stone. I'm 17 and not married so I'm just saying..
laden_swallow09 35
Saying… what? What for? SPEAK, GIRL!
U_GotitDude 18
Lmfao, can't relate lol
perdix 31
#49, you mean your massages suck, too?
otoniel 4
**** and backrub at same same time lol
SPRKY 6
Double massage!
mofoitsthepopo 6
Oy vey... You should get back at her.. Like next time she makes food, say "this tastes bad, but still better than when we have sex"
DocBastard 40
Perfect plan. Then she stops cooking AND *******. Brilliant. Maybe you want to rethink that, champ.
mistercrow 9
There is many things better than sex and a good ol back rub is one of them.
j_cat187 20
You must have terrible sex then.
tj5810 21
97- you must get shitty back rubs.
tanekdrachonae 19
Sometimes you've got to say hey! I'm gonna **** you softly. I'm gonna screw you gently.
AlkaliSam 6
Will you order in from Zanzibar after?