How? What?

By Anonymous - 14/07/2012 14:43 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML
I agree, your life sucks 23 649
You deserved it 5 187

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Purple nurple'ed by an umbrella. Thats a new one.

Why was the umbrella that close to your body to begin with? I usually hold it out in front of me, not right against my chest.


Why was the umbrella that close to your body to begin with? I usually hold it out in front of me, not right against my chest.

If you close your finger in the metal part it pinches so I'm assuming that's what happened. How she got her nipple in there is a real head scratcher though.

Maybe OP has one of those umbrellas that you have to push shut so it telescopes back to the compact size and used his chest to push it against. Or maybe Japan doesn't require the same level of umbrella nipple safety as other countries with a stronger titty lobby.

Maybe OP has those nipples that are really long O_o

Method 53 said. I learned to hold it away by bruising my breast doing the same thing. Mistake you make only once. OK, maybe twice. *blush*

Maybe if the op is a she then she might have big boobs

linkinpark98 23

Purple nurple'ed by an umbrella. Thats a new one.

Don't you close umbrellas out away from your body OP? Who closes them close to the body? Because as you know know purple nurples from umbrellas can hurt. Haha. Sucks to be you OP.

50 Wait what? You've been purple nurpled by an umbrella?

Agreed. There are just so many BETTER ways to be purple nurpled... Wait.

Who the hell remembers how purple nurpled was invented???

akg98 13
EvilCupcake8361 9

This thread is ball *******

icrest80 4
perdix 29

You may want to oil them. The best choices are: 1. Olive oil 2. Cocoa butter 3. WD40

icrest80 4

Psst, perdix you forgot to say: 1. (no longer- Extra Virgin) Olive oil.

perdix 29

I didn't forget, I just give out good general info to the crowd, but save the esoteric wisdom for those I like the best. For you, cold-first-expeller-pressed, "so virgin that it has never even kissed a boy" olive oil. That will get your nipples soft as butter during normal times and allow them to really pop when excited. Let's keep that tip between you and me ;)

Why would OP be showing off their bruised nipple anyway? Don't need an excuse if you're not going to be flashing people

Unless OP has multiple partners and they are all ok with it, saying it's a hickey is going to make his/her partner be very suspicious...

psycomikey16 0
perdix 29

Usually, I'm curious about the details of FML stories, but I can leave this one a mystery. Did I mention my hypersensitve nipples?

Probably op did it somehow right thru their clothes

what? and how? #1 when you don't have enough space to do it that way you explain, the umbrella is closer to you and then it can come in contact with your body. but getting bruise is what im wondering about

perdix 29

That would would never happen to me! I have very sensitive nipples and an exceptionally high tolerance against embarrassment from doing stupid things. I'd prefer to get wet than handle an umbrella that presents a high nippular hazard!

I will find you, and twist your nipples. Locking onto your location now.

You've got two hands, right? So why the hell would you close an umbrella on your nipple?

flipfloperson 5

Are you suggesting that it would be acceptable for OP to use his/her nipple to close an umbrella if OP only had one hand?

nikkon416 13