Love: High hopes - FML

High hopes

By abjoro - 25/05/2017 16:00

Today, I found out that the cute guy who sits in front of me in class and who keeps looking at me over his right shoulder is not interested in me as I had been led to believe. He has mild Tourrette's and his tick happens to be scratching his chin over his right shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 059

You deserved it 431

Good kid

Batman

Bad Moon Rising

By Anonymous - 24/02/2014 15:21 - United States

Today, I was driving along, and went to spit out my window. My window was up. This happened in heavy traffic. People saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 056

You deserved it 51 777

By Anonymous - 08/11/2017 05:00

Today, my little sister, who's still in high school, proved beyond a doubt she's better at my computer repair job than I am. She proved it in front of my customers and my manager, who brushed me aside and offered her a job as soon as she graduates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 696

You deserved it 1 047

By begging for air - 20/02/2014 17:45 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 617

You deserved it 5 121

By jswag2004 - 11/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Elgin

Today, I finally got the guts to ask out my crush. She said yes and I was really happy. Then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 336

By Heknowsnothing - 13/07/2016 21:09 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got my giant Game of Thrones tattoo finished. Despite the fact that I had spelt it out for him, the artist wrote 'You no nothing John Snow'. It's the focal part of the tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 282

You deserved it 6 828

By ShitHappens - 24/10/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 539

You deserved it 44 613

By wil - 25/04/2015 17:55 - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "God" told her to. I guess "God" didn't have any problems with me buying dinner first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 372

You deserved it 2 820

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when a little guy walked up and flirted with her. I'm a pretty weak guy and he looked weaker, so I gave him a little push and said "Back off". He's actually not weak at all. I've got a black eye and a girlfriend who won't stop laughing to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 397

You deserved it 42 712

By smashleighfig - 08/03/2010 05:14 - France

Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his "soulmate" walk away 9 years ago because of his "previous commitment" and how he regrets it every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 014

You deserved it 3 595

Online Dating = Brutal

By kirbykylestorm - 16/09/2018 20:30

Today, I realised just how lonely I am. After using Tinder for about a week, I got my first match. I said hi while I was in class since I was excited, but by the time I'd gotten back home, she'd unmatched me. I've never felt so hurt by a complete stranger before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 305

By Anonymous - 20/06/2013 02:23 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months got upset and frustrated with me because he had yet to meet my mom. I'd told him on our first date that she passed away 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 611

You deserved it 3 601

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 18:01 - United States

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 147

You deserved it 4 218

Snow day

By doggie_doo_face - 06/02/2010 00:50 - United States

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 024

You deserved it 9 672

Don't let the bastards grind you down

By Anonymous - 07/03/2020 00:01 - United States

Today, I heard a radio ad for the new anti-bullying efforts at a local middle school. The speaker in the ad was the school counselor… who was also my bully in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 119

By Anonymous - 19/04/2010 20:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 549

You deserved it 9 704

By sad drummer - 17/01/2013 20:50 - United States - La Jolla

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 223

You deserved it 3 006

By Faithful - 24/11/2011 10:01 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 154

You deserved it 7 700

By sailinggsoul - 02/08/2019 00:01

Today, I bought a box of tampons and went to the store restroom to insert one. I then put the box inside my purse. On my way out, I got stopped by security, who yelled at me to empty my purse. He grabbed my bag, spilling the tampons everywhere. Apparently, he thought I was stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 843

You deserved it 150

By just trying to be nice - 21/06/2013 02:17 - United States - Tucson

Today, I honked at a man in a Subway parking lot. He rolled down his window and screamed insults and slurs at me before driving away. Why did I honk at him? He'd left his lunch on top of his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 274

You deserved it 4 015

By Sady_Ct - 17/03/2019 18:00

Today I took my dogs to the off leash dog park as usual. Today some dick decided to feed my pup alcohol while I was cleaning up after my other dog. Now my pup is sick and the vet is worried he may not survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 332

You deserved it 210

By gimpy - 23/06/2016 15:00 - United States - Panama City

Today, I was carrying my coffee from the kitchen to the coffee table and couch. Last week I had ACL surgery, so I'm on crutches. Unfortunately, I got the urge to sneeze on my walk to the couch. I didn't make it to the couch before I sneezed and spilled coffee everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 150

You deserved it 1 215

By Dirtisgood - 24/08/2018 00:00

Today, my in-laws told me, in all seriousness, that my child was going to become paralyzed because I let him play on grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 989

You deserved it 153

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 22:58

Today, I found out my husband had a Pornhub account where he photoshops himself to look like a girl. The worst part is that I noticed he wore some of my maternity clothes in the pictures. I guess they were the only ones big enough to fit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 148

By Username - 27/05/2011 21:13 - United States

Today, I finally get to go home after a 16 day training event in Colorado. The plane has been sitting in the runway for over three hours due to lightning storms and we're not allowed to leave. We've spent more time on the ground waiting than the flight itself would take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 552

You deserved it 3 267

By Anonymous - 08/02/2012 17:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 953

You deserved it 3 473

By Addigirl - 25/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I ordered pick-up from a restaurant I really like. It was pouring, so instead of taking the long way across the pedestrian walk, I ran through a grass-covered area and tripped on tree roots. I was right in front of the restaurant, so everybody saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 501

You deserved it 1 419

Is this the worst Netflix and chill ever?

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, a guy I'd been seeing briefly came over for cocktails and a movie. The night ended with him vomiting in my bathroom and on my couch, using my toothbrush, then proceeding to tell me how big his ex-boyfriend's dick was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 861

You deserved it 481

By Anonymous - 27/03/2019 06:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, like everyday, I have to ignore the mould in the bathroom, cat shit stuck to the dining room floor, and dirty dishes in the kitchen courtesy of my never-cleaning sister, but today she bitched at me for being gross and unhygenic for double dipping the ice-cream tub, and everyone agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 123

You deserved it 308

By Anonymous - 03/07/2018 15:00

Today, I was verbally harassed by a customer because I wouldn’t give her special treatment after her meal was incorrect. I offered her a refund and a coupon for a free meal, which she refused before calling me a stupid kid who wouldn’t do anything to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 508

You deserved it 220

Money ain't a problem when you've got it

By Anonymous - 07/10/2011 19:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I listened as my ridiculously wealthy friend excitedly rambled on and on about her latest shopping trip. This is the same friend who owes me £150, and accused me of being insensitive for asking her to repay it at some point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 558

You deserved it 4 026

By Anonymous - 01/08/2019 09:00 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, I caught my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been as mortifying if they weren't doing it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 321

You deserved it 200

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 236

You deserved it 36 792

By worldsmosthonestdad - 12/05/2017 14:00

Today, I got a call from my 8-year-old's 3rd grade teacher. Apparently a question went around class asking, "Why do you think you were put on this Earth?", and my son answered, "My dad says it's because I swam the fastest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 986

You deserved it 534

By Anonymous - 11/05/2015 16:06 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 225

You deserved it 4 490

Catboys rise up

By CatWoman - 11/02/2010 05:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a guy who has a Facebook page for his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 844

You deserved it 39 096

By birgz - 25/10/2011 12:42

Today, my roommates sent a relationship request to my one night stand with my Facebook account. She accepted, and sent me a long message confessing her love for me. I can't remember her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 858

You deserved it 21 256

By pissedoff - 28/06/2016 11:53 - United States - Benton

Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 810

You deserved it 1 329

Watch movies

By Anonymous - 26/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I hired a babysitter to take care of my newborn. When I came home, she was having sex with her boyfriend in the crib while the baby sat and watched them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 567

You deserved it 297

Thanks, government

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 16:58

Today, I'm at North Fort Hood deploying with the Army Reserves, where the motto is, "You'll prefer to be in Iraq." We're in COVID quarantine with over 100 people in our barracks. We may never get out of here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 119

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 065

You deserved it 185 312

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Top comments

jbuckets_404 38

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Thursday 25 May 2017 16:21

OP, your life doesn't suck quite so much as that of the cute guy who sits in front of you, does it? Be very, very grateful....

pjsr 32

Send a private message

Thursday 25 May 2017 18:52

"Today, I found out the girl behind me thought I liked her because I have Tourette's and my head keeps twitching her direction. How could she not have noticed? FML"

Comments

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Thursday 25 May 2017 16:21

OP, your life doesn't suck quite so much as that of the cute guy who sits in front of you, does it? Be very, very grateful....

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Thursday 25 May 2017 16:21

OP, your life doesn't suck quite so much as that of the cute guy who sits in front of you, does it? Be very, very grateful....

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 25 May 2017 16:23

You must be tic'ed off!

Send a private message

Thursday 25 May 2017 17:06

Aw, poor guy!

pjsr 32

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Thursday 25 May 2017 18:52

"Today, I found out the girl behind me thought I liked her because I have Tourette's and my head keeps twitching her direction. How could she not have noticed? FML"

Send a private message

Sunday 28 May 2017 5:58

lmao that freaking blows i had a crush on a boy like that also lol fun times

Nearly

Today, I have to do a science presentation in approximately 10 minutes. I didn’t do the assignment or make a PowerPoint cause I stayed up all night trying to do my French homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 15

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 258

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 162