Work and Intimacy: Gross - FML

Gross

By Teeny - 05/05/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, my creepy co-worker informed me that he was going to stick his "peeny-weeny" in my "teeny-vageeny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 013

You deserved it 398

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Same thing different taste

Creepypasta

By QuinnyZebrass - 02/04/2013 04:11 - United States - Laveen

Spicy

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 861

You deserved it 3 424

By Chubby - 17/11/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, I told my boss about a coworker that had been hitting on me. She looked me dead in the eye and said "I was afraid that would happen. He's a bit of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 172

You deserved it 5 171

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 10:17 - United States

Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 855

You deserved it 1 670

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 21:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 132

You deserved it 4 213

Speak your brains

By ValerieRolle - 28/04/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, one of my co-workers, who I secretly hate, announced she and her husband were expecting. She's rather big. Without thinking, I said, "How did he manage to find your vag under those fat rolls?" I got placed on suspension and now have to attend a training on sexual harassment in the workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 3 301

By Anonymous - 10/12/2014 08:13 - United States - Seaside

Spicy

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 092

You deserved it 8 694

By Anonymous - 12/02/2015 20:14 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 069

You deserved it 2 369

By M - 20/09/2015 23:59 - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Spicy

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 278

You deserved it 2 520

By Anonymous - 21/01/2012 22:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 414

You deserved it 5 038

By poorlyparented - 16/06/2015 12:05 - United States - San Antonio

Spicy

Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 203

You deserved it 5 712

Next

Top comments

interesting33 36

Sunday 1 April 2018 21:09

please please go to hr! that could be considered a threat of assault

SamanthaThe1st 22

Sunday 1 April 2018 23:04

Report his ass for workplace harassment

Comments

Late For Breakfast 19

Saturday 5 May 2018 8:42

And he didn't pay for your dinner either. What a jerk

julfunky 29

Saturday 5 May 2018 9:18

What the hell was he thinking? Whether he’s a slime-ball coworker or Prince Charming, nothing shuts down sex faster than talking like an infant.

Rabite 28

Saturday 5 May 2018 11:19

The sad part is that most of the times even stuff like this doesn't lead to any repercussions for him but maybe OP gets send to another branch or department.

withered 30

Saturday 5 May 2018 12:57

Report him everywhere you can and talk to other coworkers about him so you can get as many people that were/are harassed by him as possible.

Lobby_Bee 17

Saturday 5 May 2018 14:06

Hahahah that is hilarious. Has he gotten any girls with that line at all?

thehaystackerine 20

Saturday 5 May 2018 15:00

Make sure you take this seriously. Even if he never actually tries anything, this kind of talk is completely unacceptable. On a side note, a dear friend of mine started receiving texts from a "friend" of ours telling her what he wanted to do to her. She laughed it off, and made light of it even humoring him with return texts. One day we were all together, and he started getting really pushy with her. Thankfully I caught wind of it before it was too late.

julfunky 29

Saturday 5 May 2018 17:17

Well returning his texts and humoring him was a pretty stupid move on her part.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 5 May 2018 17:08

I wonder what her reaction would have been if the co-worker happened to be a very attractive man.

Rabite 28

Sunday 6 May 2018 22:52

This one :s

simcityguy09 19

Saturday 5 May 2018 17:25

Call HR. And maybe the cops.

LAUGHINGKOMODO 25

Saturday 5 May 2018 18:33

Was he creepy before, or did you just notice when he said that

ari330 21

Saturday 5 May 2018 19:48

please report him so that he can leavey-weavey

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 33 224

You deserved it 6 962

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 2 881

You deserved it 311

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 737

You deserved it 3 577

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 069

You deserved it 8 931

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I agree, your life sucks 16 367

You deserved it 1 258

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 339

You deserved it 3 230

Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 102 003