Intimacy: Frustrated

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 792

You deserved it 12 082

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Arizonagirl - 06/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 291

You deserved it 830

By lunarboy - 17/02/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 700

You deserved it 68 919

MY EARS! MY EARS!

By ashbeat - 01/01/2013 15:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 610

You deserved it 4 398

Boundaries, dude!

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 06:01

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 233

By yourstruly - 11/02/2010 19:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 694

You deserved it 2 352

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 832

You deserved it 2 431

Post-it time

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 18:00

Today, I share a room with a person who masturbates noisily every morning at 5 a.m. like clockwork. Only I can't really say anything, because she's literally deaf. I wish she could hear herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 195

By anon - 15/09/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 418

You deserved it 2 724

By idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 097

You deserved it 6 905

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 07:09 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 962

You deserved it 2 958

FunWriter20 0

Friday 13 February 2009 0:15

Lol, I hope you helped her out.

MCart_fml 0

Friday 13 February 2009 0:38

Seriously, why be the only one not getting off? Sleep is for the weak.

Comments

SuicideBoobies88 11

Monday 18 April 2016 16:34

Give her the old sausage

Buchels 4

Wednesday 4 May 2016 12:33

This is a super old FML. It's in the book. Calm down everyone.

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Awkward Jewelry Kids Fight Family Love Work Relatable Students Noise Birds Animals Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Relationship advice Pregnancy Cheating Friends Teenagers Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Food Revenge Cats

The Top

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 408

You deserved it 2 826

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 785

You deserved it 16 306

The Top

Today, I accidentally sent highly confidential patient records to a fired employee. This employee made the biggest song and dance about it, calling every boss possible. I couldn't have sent it to a better person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 183

You deserved it 3 306

Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 116

You deserved it 41 712

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 453

You deserved it 3 561

Today, I was on my way to a relatively important interview when I realized that I'd forgotten to put on antiperspirant. Once seated, I was so nervous that I started sweating profusely under my light blue shirt, and by the end of the whole ordeal I had huge sweat stains under my armpits, down to my elbows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 236

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 011

You deserved it 3 303

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 193

You deserved it 5 933