Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I played a harmless joke on my neighbors by pointing a laser pointer out of my window onto their wall. Apparently, my neighbors don't take jokes lightly as one of the sons pointed at my window while screaming and swearing, then took out a gang bandana and wrapped it around his face. FML
Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
Today, as I was going to bed, I spotted a man staring at my window from a neighbor's yard. Ten minutes later, he was still there. I freaked out, started crying, and contemplated calling the cops. My creeper turned out to be the neighbor's wooden lawn ornament. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML
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Top comments
amd1314a 8
Unless there really was a sniper ... 0_o
DocBastard 40
It's not paranoia if they really are after you. HEY, WHO THE **** IS AT MY WINDOW!?
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Comments (97)
Space_Teddy 29
did you ever think about him having a disorder like schizofrenia? 'cause if that is the case, YDI otherwise YLS
emirie 21
Even if someone has schizophrenia, a random bystander doesn't deserve to be knocked down a flight of stairs.
TwistedCherub1 15
OP was simply walking near the top of some stairs. No matter the mental condition of the neighbor, this was the fault of the idiot with the laser pointer.
kumarina 35
Don't mess with the paranoid
perdix 31
Tobacco subsidies are proof that the government is trying to kill you. We can quibble if they actively murder us, but they do help us commit slow-motion suicide.
TwistedCherub1 15
Stupid government with their stupid tobacco and wonderful, amazing cigarettes! Sorry, Perdix. I just quit smoking. Bad timing. But they aren't trying to kill us, just keep us complacent. They publicly wage war against the unhealthy tobacco industry while subsidizing it so we pay attention to the wrong issues but keep smoking so we're too sick to fight back. It's all a conspiracy. That's why I keep my curtains closed.
perdix 31
#45, I admire your pluck. Giving up government-sponsored tobacco isn't easy and you are to be applauded for that. Now, try to get away from the next government weapon of mass destruction: high-fructose corn syrup. Dunh, dunh, dunh!
TwistedCherub1 15
Done. Mostly. Once every two weeks we have pizza and I drink a Pepsi. I'm against artificial and processed sweeteners, but a cheat on occasion is okay. Oh, and since I quit smoking I've had a few Hershey's minis. Chocolate makes the urge to smoke go away.
grghillis96 15
I'm sorry about you getting hurt, but that is one of the funniest things that I've read in a while
dark3tar15 8
If your neighbour was a conspiracy theorist today, what'll he be tomorrow?
Meme1988 18
We all have that crazy person in the neighborhood, my neighbor keeps talking to him self
dawnimus 21
I voted YDI purely because you spelt laser with a "z". It's an acronym-turned-word and last time I checked, "stimulated" didn't start with a "z".
isuckok 11
Uhm. OP put 's'
Mauskau 36
Tomorrow, he will think he is Jesus.
BakedCat 7
I am too...
anyoldnamewilldo 23
So sorry you got hurt,but whoever thought of the laser idea is just brilliant.