Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Fond memories

Fond memories

By -_- - 13/08/2011 00:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 812

You deserved it 4 628

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 733

You deserved it 5 982

Nomnom

By wow babe - 19/11/2012 17:46 - United States - Arnold

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 074

You deserved it 5 616

By Anonymous - 24/08/2013 22:31 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 266

You deserved it 7 762

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 271

You deserved it 6 898

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 940

You deserved it 3 064

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 074

You deserved it 6 437

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 845

You deserved it 9 223

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 11:54 - Australia

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 262

You deserved it 8 635

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 644

You deserved it 9 529

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 443

You deserved it 3 748

JustinThunder 8

Saturday 13 August 2011 5:02

Apparently she couldn't keep him up either.

Anupants 0

Saturday 13 August 2011 5:01

That is a no bueno.

Comments

Anikaaa 0

Sunday 14 August 2011 2:45

Get a new ******* technique :P Try *lick lick swirl swirl bite deep throat* Repeat. (;

vjl7 3

Sunday 14 August 2011 4:04

Let's be real. That sucks.

brunettegurly 0

Sunday 14 August 2011 5:17

holy shit hahahaha

Zodiac666 0

Sunday 14 August 2011 7:50

Then he's a fag.

dreamkayy 0

Sunday 14 August 2011 10:09

way to spare the detail. . .lmao

sharp99 0

Sunday 14 August 2011 17:13

136 - his problem was he didn't make it harder. LOL

hImAnAm3iZsUzi3 0

Sunday 14 August 2011 21:26

Lolz haha I can imagine u fartin on some douche lolz haha bet he slapped yo face EVERYDAY IM SHUFFLING!

badactor009 0

Sunday 14 August 2011 22:59

Run away

storm1217 5

Monday 15 August 2011 1:57

Ha ha ha ha, do me do me.

Nini101 2

Wednesday 17 August 2011 4:15

I hope you are not with him.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got home from working overnight and let the 2 dogs out of their crates. The oldest one (almost 9 years-old) was acting weird. He was shaking and couldn't stand up, let alone sit. I thought something was incredibly wrong. Nope, he just had gotten hold of 10 of my "treats" when my SO wasn't looking. Dude was high all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 549

Today, my housemate picked me up from the psychiatric ward, after I'd spent ten days there with a major depressive episode. She said that she thought it rather odd that I'd gotten so bad, since she'd replaced my antidepressants with homeopathic pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 90

The Top

Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 760

You deserved it 3 155

Today, I came home crying and informed my mother that someone had called me a 'fat bitch' today. She held me at arms length, looked me straight in the eyes, and lovingly said, "You can't change who you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 828

You deserved it 6 712

Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 930

You deserved it 3 072

Today, after what I thought was several weeks of flirting with a coworker, I asked her out on a date. She asked if it could be a double date, and I said yes. I brought a friend, she brought her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 788

You deserved it 2 033

Today, I woke up early, felt very energetic, decided to run a couple of miles and bought muffins for my colleagues on my way to the office. Then my boss told me they're shutting us down. At the end of a day that started really great, I'm jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 654

You deserved it 130

Today, a customer wanted corporate's number because we aren't allowed to sell pies after midnight. After a drug-fuelled cuss-storm, she punched me in the face through the open window and peeled out of drive-thru like a bat out of hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 914

You deserved it 1 944