Food, Gross and Animals: Thanks for the heads up

Thanks for the heads up

By thanksbro - 20/09/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 860

You deserved it 3 021

Food Gross Animals

Taking stock

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

This Charming Man

Cake, eating it…

By Go_There - 26/10/2020 02:01 - United States - Madison

Today, I'm in an open marriage and had to admit to myself that I caught feels for my "friend with benefits" who was only interested in the "benefits" part and I had to break it off. I already miss the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 1 287

By Anonymous - 25/03/2019 11:00 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, i was trying to be sexy and sent my new bf a nude. Before we started dating I had hooked up with three of his friends which he was super insecure about. Somehow I accidentally sent it to a group chat which included five different people besides us. All of those friends were in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 3 961

By sam - 26/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 3 532

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 16:44 - United States - Rome

Today, I was singing in my dorm. When I left a little later, a cute guy came up to me and asked if I was the girl who'd been singing. I proudly said yes. He replied, "Good thing you finally shut the fuck up!" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 903

You deserved it 10 870

Heavy traffic

By Anonymous - 16/03/2021 14:00

Today, I have severe endometriosis and it's severely damaged my bowels. I was on a bus, and we got stuck in a traffic jam. The bus was delayed by 40 minutes and whilst I was stuck on it, I pooped myself. An old lady gave me a shawl to hide the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 64

By Anonymous - 03/03/2017 04:00

Today, I found out why my girlfriend removed me from Facebook last week. Turns out she didn't want me to see pics of her with a new boyfriend. How I found out? My coworker, her new boyfriend, left his messenger open during lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 834

You deserved it 540

Authentification required

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 10:01

Today, after registering my cellphone as my secondary authentication device for my campus account, it died for good. Despite still being logged in, most of my college's services are now locked behind a code sent to my unresponsive phone, including the ability to register any new authentication devices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 106

By Anonymous - 22/05/2015 15:17 - United States

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 039

You deserved it 3 168

Nerves of steel

By EdibleCape - 28/05/2020 23:00

Today, I went out with my best girl friend to spice up my wardrobe. I recently broken up with my girlfriend, who was constantly flip-flopping from being in love with me to being apathetic towards me. After having a great day, on the way home my ex pulled up next to our car and I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 292

By bumblebee - 13/03/2010 19:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend complained that we may not work out because I'm "just too needy". I'd woken up early and texted him "good morning" while he was trying to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 666

You deserved it 9 632

By Username - 23/06/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, I got home to find my truck smashed by a fallen old tree. I was going to have the tree removed next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 753

You deserved it 5 923

By snitcheyes - 09/11/2010 16:00 - United States

Today, I was called 15 times by a "good redneck boy" that my Mom is trying to set me up with. He has called me at least 5 times a day for the past week. My Mom is still encouraging him to call. I had to unplug the phone because I feel stalked in my own dorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 854

You deserved it 2 822

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 03:27 - United States

Today, I sent a friend request on facebook to the only person I became friends with this semester at college. He denied me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 108

You deserved it 4 342

Help, I'm stranded!

By LexMarie12 - 15/03/2017 18:00

Today, at work, it was so windy that it started taking the door off its hinges. The door now won't close all the way. I can't leave until someone comes to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 678

You deserved it 334

By marmarr - 15/05/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I pretended to not be able to go out with a friend so I could hang with my boyfriend at the movies. When I sat down I received a text that said "turn around" it was her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 490

You deserved it 70 693

By NotRetarded - 11/04/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's sweet sixteen. Since I didn't know any else at the party I was really happy when the mother told me she sat me next to someone she thought I would have a lot in common with. He ended up being mentally challenged and talked to a sock puppet the whole party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 964

You deserved it 3 841

By sales ham - 06/03/2013 05:44 - United States

Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 216

You deserved it 7 926

By seb21 - 09/02/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 443

You deserved it 2 299

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 08:35

Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 628

You deserved it 10 316

By pi_power_15 - 11/08/2015 03:25 - United States - Spring Grove

Today, my football practice ended early due to severe weather. Not only had I misplaced my phone earlier in the day, both my parents thought the other had picked me up. I was in the rain for an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 677

You deserved it 2 810

By Anonymous - 01/09/2009 15:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. After hundreds passive aggressive comments, my boyfriend and I went into the kitchen. I started complaining to him about how his parents were horrible and mean. Little did I know, his parents had followed us in and were right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 340

You deserved it 48 505

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 05:02

Today, my boss keeps pointing out similarities between his wife and me. I genuinely dislike her, and have feelings for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 946

By Happy Birthday - 10/07/2018 15:00

Today, my Dad gave me my birthday card. The envelope was blank, as was the card, and the £0.25 price tag was still on. He was fully aware of all these things, but handed it to me and said, "By the way, I didn't write anything." Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 506

You deserved it 234

By Mycardoesn'tevenwork - 22/02/2016 20:16 - United States

Today, I was in a car accident on the way to work. I called my boss and told him I had to deal with the police and the accident report and didn't know how long it would take. He got mad and said I "should have picked a better time to do this". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 933

You deserved it 1 508

By Tomaino - 18/08/2019 04:02

Today, my best friend got drunk and told me he's only friends with me because no one else will be friends with him. He then went on to tell me that he wasn't actually that drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 132

By Anonymous - 10/06/2019 02:30

Today, after 2 years of paying off the insurance fees after an accident, I got rear-ended. It was the same driver who crashed into me the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 393

You deserved it 122

By birdfoooo - 29/11/2011 15:26 - United States

Today, as I was leaving Wal-mart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 006

You deserved it 55 028

By ItWasOurAnniversary - 28/09/2016 12:08 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I wanted to kayak. On the way, I told him I had to go back to our hotel because I needed the bathroom and didn't want a public one to smell. Once back in the elevator at the hotel, it got stuck. For an hour. I pooped myself and had to wait 40 minutes after that for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 333

You deserved it 2 452

By sma93 - 17/12/2016 18:30 - United States - Baldwin

Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 662

You deserved it 576

By smh - 27/06/2013 23:37 - United States - Milltown

Today, my sister called me up extremely excited because she found out Flo Rida is from Florida. She's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 358

You deserved it 3 971

By PoorGramps - 09/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 333

You deserved it 3 117

By Anonymous - 03/06/2009 04:55 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was worthless and could not do anything by myself. Determined to prove her wrong I attempted to install the AC that I had neglected to put in for the past month. While placing it on the window it fell through landing on her prized roses and breaking into pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 538

You deserved it 16 406

By Rebecca - 16/04/2012 18:49 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 602

You deserved it 2 142

Pride and joy

By Unproud daddy moment - 19/03/2021 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife refuses to admit our 13-year-old son has no chance in hell of getting into college. He never got more than an E or an F on his exams, routinely misspells his own name, can't remember our address and I just watched him spend 10 minutes looking for his lost hat which, by the way, was on his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 247

By Anonymous - 20/04/2013 16:34 - Thailand

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 969

You deserved it 7 046

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 02:49 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she remarked how she couldn't believe we hadn't seen each other in a year. Except not only did I attend her baby shower a few weeks ago, I spent hundreds of dollars on a unique gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 199

You deserved it 2 861

By Starchaser - 16/04/2017 19:23

Today, I helped my children dye Easter eggs. They did great. My husband, however, is covered in dye spots and glitter from "helping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 305

You deserved it 608

By gimmeabreak0_o - 18/06/2010 07:18 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 239

You deserved it 38 650

Pay up

By redheadmess - 20/07/2020 02:01

Today, my grandfather sent me a bill from when I had to live with him in foster care. I apparently owe him 62k for shampoo, food, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 885

You deserved it 97

By BlueMacaw - 16/09/2015 06:53 - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd patronized for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 934

You deserved it 4 503

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Top comments

justsayfuck 5

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:06

Let me guess, it's still in the cupboard, waiting for its next victim?

RachelHellYeah 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:04

that's totally something I would do!

JackedUpOnMtnDew 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:01

your brother for the win! :D

DudeImBetter 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:09

At least you didn't eat it, this is a stupid fml.

tweetbaby14 18

Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:10

whatever happened to good old fashioned animal crackers?

BahahahLOL 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:21

New Cockroach Crunch Crackers!

pooponyuou 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:30

don't you just love boys?

MdoAngel 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:31

lmao that made me laugh so much.

KiddNYC1O 20

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:34

17's pic made me laugh so much. poor kid though lol

DudeImBetter 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:34

At least you didn't eat moldy crackers that were more than a year and a half old.

zp5 4

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:53

^don't you mean moldy donuts?

2kool4skoolyo 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:59

^^ yes yes buggy crackers are as ba as moldy donuts

chaldochamp3 6

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 2:52

I'm guessing u ate moldy crackers that were more than a year and a half old

KingDingALing 9

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 4:06

Man, I'm constantly looking at the expiration date on the food I eat. I would never eat food or drink something that's even just a day past it's expiration date.

ThePwnapple 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 5:44

Don't try to eat white people next time.

RachelHellYeah 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:04

that's totally something I would do!

NemuiTM 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 7:31

Same.. xD

yeahreally 6

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:05

sounds like something my brother would do too but then again i would put the box on his bed lol

StrictlyMCH 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 7:53

ur brother wouldn't get a chance with ur fat ass eating them before he could even have gotten to them

impatientkarma 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 8:38

You sound like me, I would put it on my brother's bed too. & ROFL @ the fat ass comment.

justsayfuck 5

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:06

Let me guess, it's still in the cupboard, waiting for its next victim?

KiddNYC1O 20

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:40

fuck

Compufreak 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 1:07

Fuck!

kfrizzle2 4

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 1:25

FUCK!

mspencer809 3

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 2:48

FUCKK!!!!!

imaginaryvoice 18

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 3:25

Me!

illmatic2 16

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 5:00

Whut?

AudaciouslyInsan 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 5:04

Her!

KiddNYC1O 20

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 5:11

lmao^

underaegis 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 7:19

yes let's fuck the imaginary voice

SirSantpoort 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 8:15

I'd definitely do you!

Trollz4daLULZ 1

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:07

YDI for even SAYING "crackers", you racist son of a bitch! And how the hell do you have a box of white people in the cupboard, anyway? Also, YDI for having a brother, for having a kitchen, and for not eating the bugs for the extra protein. I'd ask for them if I was still an anteater, but I changed into a giraffe a few months back.

BoCo_fml 9

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:08

I think all brothers do those type of things, just to annoy us. I agree with #3 put them in his bed, but under the covers by his feet.

suppressed08 2

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:57

I don't. My brother does though :/

Biancaisbizarre 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 4:00

You look a lot like Julia Stiles, BoCo.

Ambi_lee 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:12

Haha! Me and my brother would do that, only with stale chips lol!

tweetbaby14 18

Tuesday 21 September 2010 5:02

*my brother and I

shanie123 10

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 4:48

lol

BoyBeyond 0

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Tuesday 21 September 2010 0:12

Your brother is a dipshit. He could of threw the damn crackers out man. Honestly he sounds like the type he leave empty wrappers on the floor and room dirty as shit. I'm sort of a clean freak when it comes to the kitchen and stuff i don't like nasty people.