Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating a bag of almonds I got from the bulk food store, picking off what I thought was stringy remnants of their shells. When I finally got down to the bottom of the bag, I found a silk worm circling around the last almond left of a bag of about 200. FML
Today, I bought a 3 lb bag of pears. The first two bites were delicious! The third bite revealed a worm and its thousands of eggs. FML
Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML
Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML
Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML
Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML
Today, instead of reaching for some unhealthy food, I tried to eat some dates instead. It was all fine until I bit one in half and saw a rather large, squirming maggot inside. FML
Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML
Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML
Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML
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Top comments
detectivedipsiht 12
so if it tasted perfect it couldn't have been all bad right
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Good thing you thoroughly identified it before eating it.
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Comments (57)
trendkilla254 4
I am getting tired of take fmls getting approved. how the heck did you know it was a carpenter ant?
lhazz11 23
I missed the "ant" and thought you ate a dead carpenter for a sec
spacey_blueberry 18
At least it's good protein, am I right?
Chezzlova 5
The word "Crisp" travels from the back of your mouth to the front.
dDailydDosage 8
Ew ew ew
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
disturbing. I've been eating them all week!! ... the pistachios
allydloves1d 4
But was it good?
sashafierce3516 5
how do you mistake an ant for a pistachio? they don't even feel the same...a pistachio is hard and round.
VolitairianArrow 17
great source of protein, ya? Lol
PsudoAnon 20
Username should be "ErrantAntEater."