Animals: Extra protein

Extra protein

By ReluctantAntEater - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

agreeclassic 37 308

vote type 1 3 623

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By somechick - 09/12/2009 05:25 - Canada

Today, I was eating a bag of almonds I got from the bulk food store, picking off what I thought was stringy remnants of their shells. When I finally got down to the bottom of the bag, I found a silk worm circling around the last almond left of a bag of about 200. FML

agreeclassic 35 386

vote type 1 6 109

By Ryuuchild666 - 01/10/2018 13:30

Today, I bought a 3 lb bag of pears. The first two bites were delicious! The third bite revealed a worm and its thousands of eggs. FML

agreeclassic 3 536

vote type 1 229

By Anonymous - 08/12/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML

agreeclassic 48 574

vote type 1 2 631

Gotta have it

By kp. - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

agreeclassic 8 997

vote type 1 59 212

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 07:52 - United States - Bend

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

agreeclassic 47 546

vote type 1 6 857

By ticked - 06/10/2009 13:01 - Pakistan

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

agreeclassic 15 564

vote type 1 48 005

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 18:36 - United States - Milford

Today, instead of reaching for some unhealthy food, I tried to eat some dates instead. It was all fine until I bit one in half and saw a rather large, squirming maggot inside. FML

agreeclassic 23 338

vote type 1 2 018

By Rachel - 02/02/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

agreeclassic 51 278

vote type 1 3 296

By YeahItsmecoolhuh - 17/02/2011 06:50 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

agreeclassic 34 568

vote type 1 4 994

Thanks for the heads up

By thanksbro - 20/09/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

agreeclassic 29 953

vote type 1 3 044

detectivedipsiht 12

Friday 22 August 2014 12:16

so if it tasted perfect it couldn't have been all bad right

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Friday 22 August 2014 12:19

Good thing you thoroughly identified it before eating it.

Comments

trendkilla254 4

Friday 22 August 2014 20:19

I am getting tired of take fmls getting approved. how the heck did you know it was a carpenter ant?

lhazz11 23

Friday 22 August 2014 20:46

I missed the "ant" and thought you ate a dead carpenter for a sec

spacey_blueberry 18

Saturday 23 August 2014 2:23

At least it's good protein, am I right?

Chezzlova 5

Saturday 23 August 2014 6:57

The word "Crisp" travels from the back of your mouth to the front.

dDailydDosage 8

Saturday 23 August 2014 15:47

Ew ew ew

INDYSTRUCTABLE 43

Sunday 24 August 2014 10:45

disturbing. I've been eating them all week!! ... the pistachios

allydloves1d 4

Monday 25 August 2014 17:48

But was it good?

sashafierce3516 5

Tuesday 26 August 2014 4:30

how do you mistake an ant for a pistachio? they don't even feel the same...a pistachio is hard and round.

VolitairianArrow 17

Tuesday 26 August 2014 23:24

great source of protein, ya? Lol

PsudoAnon 20

Monday 18 July 2016 21:38

Username should be "ErrantAntEater."

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Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

agreeclassic 3 308

vote type 1 366

Today, I asked my husband if we could rekindle some of our old intimacy, get back in touch with each other’s inner selves, that sort of thing. He looked confused, then got a big smile and said, “You mean we can do anal again? Why didn’t you just say so?” FML

agreeclassic 1 508

vote type 1 635

You can do it!

agreeclassic 262

vote type 1 75

Today, I got a parking ticket. I put the ticket in my bag and accidentally left the bag in my friends car. When I returned, the car window was smashed, my bag was gone. I had to call the police department and ask them to send me a new ticket, on top of the $1000 or so I'd already lost. FML

agreeclassic 47 062

vote type 1 6 109

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he says, "There's too much of an age gap between us" and that it makes him "feel like a pedophile". He's only four months older than I am. FML

agreeclassic 30 178

vote type 1 2 094

Today, only some excellent security footage stopped me being arrested after I bumped into a young girl while looking at my phone and her mother, an Uber Karen, accused me of sexual assault and an off-duty woman police officer tackled me to the ground before I'd even took off my headphones. FML

agreeclassic 1 299

vote type 1 131

Extra protein

Similar FMLs

Gotta have it

Thanks for the heads up

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