Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML
Today, I watched my boyfriend pick all the dead skin off of his feet, and then fling it at me. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML
Today, I told my mom that the puppy she was cuddling had a piece of dried poo stuck to its butt. Her reaction was to pluck the poo with her bare hands, put it on the coffee table next to my food, and continue cuddling. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, my housemate whined at me for tracking dirt into the house, saying how she shouldn't have to mop the floor after me, and that we have a doormat for a reason. She'd have a point, except I always walk barefoot indoors. FML
Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML
Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend caught me using my T-shirt as a tissue. Again. FML
Today, I was getting a pedicure when the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds, because "they love skin." She then described for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML
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Top comments
tacojauns 45
At least she's not eating them?
liv_graham 7
buy her a pumice stone and a garbage can
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Comments (84)
jlynpa 10
Yummy!!! Fingered foods :)
Xotoolyxo 16
Buy her some socks, she should keep those on at all times
motita69 5
....
motita69 5
All this time reading FMLs and I have not learned not to eat while doing so!
FlyingPie 17
Tell her to get a pedicure or something, and let her foot the bill.
onorexveritas 24
I know someone who does stuff like that too, its enough to make you want to scream in frustration if it weren't for the barf threatening to come up
xkncas 8
Ew...break up with her... It won't get any better...
btcrusin 11
What about toenail clippings?
juliamtz93 8
thats so nasty!
Storia30 9
Please get a new table before u guys have children! They put their mouths, toys, etc. on everything. Just imagine her feet flakes, ur babies pacifier ......yuck!