Love: Today, I checked my Facebook notifications to see that someone... - FML

By hesaidwhat - 15/01/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, I checked my Facebook notifications to see that someone likes my new single status. My ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 029

You deserved it 5 887

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Push through the pain barrier

Nice guy

By WellFineThen - 17/04/2017 05:00 - United States - Cedar Falls

Today, at work, a woman screamed at me and called me a bitch because I refused to refund something we give away for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 927

You deserved it 266

By virginwhore - 18/01/2015 06:29

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's dad called me a whore and said I'm trying to use his son and "steal" his virginity for my own needs. My boyfriend has had sex with over 10 girls and I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 840

You deserved it 3 464

Cassius

By Noname - 11/03/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 357

You deserved it 9 445

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 20:45 - United States - Everett

Today, I witnessed my karate instructor whimper and practically piss himself as a guy walked up to him in the street and demanded his wallet. What a total waste of hundreds of dollars' worth of lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 006

You deserved it 4 521

By fuckalltwitardsintheface - 20/09/2012 21:34 - United States - Lindsey

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 495

You deserved it 1 691

By SlickMcK - 05/06/2010 21:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she explained that it's dangerous because the tissues of the anus are finer and more susceptible to STDs. There were still forty minutes left in our car ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 377

You deserved it 4 326

By nothingdoes - 27/10/2010 17:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad asked me for a word that rhymes with vagina. He was filling out an anniversary card for my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 853

You deserved it 2 977

By Fat Jon - 29/10/2015 19:43 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I went to a costume contest as Jon Snow from Game of Thrones. I won, which was nice, until I was told that the only flaws in my "Samwell Tarly" outfit were my long hair and wrong sword. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 671

You deserved it 2 798

Crack wars

By Grimmy - 17/03/2016 08:12 - United States - Brunswick

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 590

You deserved it 9 683

By forthethreeofus - 22/07/2019 22:00

Today, I went to a nice restaurant with my grandfather, who kept telling me to be kind towards our waiter, as he was probably just starting his summer job. The same waiter who, as my granddad had probably forgotten, had brought us our food six months ago and was now standing four feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 16/03/2014 18:53 - United States - Wellsville

Spicy

Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 364

You deserved it 4 151

By walllflower - 08/02/2015 19:46 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 953

You deserved it 4 355

By sdasdflkjas - 30/05/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 027

You deserved it 6 342

By loner - 07/06/2009 12:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting in class when the most popular girl in my grade came up to me holding birthday invitation cards. I've never been invited to a birthday party, so I was so excited when she handed me a card only to hear her say, "Mary is on your bus, will you give this to her?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 257

You deserved it 4 693

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 02:02

Today, I brought my girlfriend flowers. All she managed to do was to say it’s been a year since you brought me flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 301

Don't move

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 55

By gerontofuck - 15/04/2014 21:55 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I realized that the only female who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 775

You deserved it 4 624

By rissalynn - 15/07/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend's mother called me lazy. Her days consist of sitting on her couch watching Fox News. I'm a college athlete who also has a part-time job, yet I'm the lazy one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 136

By lonely - 24/10/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, without telling me, my mom dropped me off at my grandmother's house, and drove off. Now I'm supposed to spend the next month with her. Guess she forgot my grandma died six weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 742

You deserved it 3 095

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 21:36 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boss told me that people from work have been complaining about me. Apparently, I'm not doing part of their jobs for them, and the other manager sometimes does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 000

You deserved it 1 503

By JC - 22/10/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 700

You deserved it 39 854

By Foxy - 10/01/2010 17:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my long time boyfriend and found out I'm severely allergic to latex. I also found out that my family doctor had been transferred to the ER. He went to play golf with my dad later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 585

You deserved it 3 526

By Anonymous - 27/06/2013 12:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was doing a little victory jig after finally sending out the last of the invitation cards for my wedding when I realised that I had forgotten to put the date of the event on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 819

You deserved it 23 155

By IdiotNursingStudent - 22/09/2014 02:12 - United States - Belton

Today, I was reviewing for a major nursing school exam I have this week. I panicked because none of the material seemed familiar, and figured that I must've missed something during class and now had to catch up. After 4 hours, I finally realized that I'd been studying from the wrong textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 582

You deserved it 14 492

Language barrier

By Jan - 02/08/2021 13:01

Today, my mother who learned English as an adult sent an email to my boss, thanking them for hiring me even though I'm "retarded." I’m a law school graduate who was diagnosed with a minor learning disability in kindergarten, but she still calls me "retarded" when speaking English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 65

By CyberHex305 - 01/04/2017 16:00

Today, I went to Men's Warehouse to pick up my tux. They mistakenly set the pick-up date for the 30th of next month. My prom is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 030

You deserved it 475

Shark Week

By sharkboy - 11/06/2012 02:33 - United States - Honolulu

Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 866

You deserved it 31 183

By Lyn - 18/01/2012 11:15 - United States

Today, I'm supposed to start my new job as a Crime Scene Tech. Instead, I managed to electrocute myself with my hairdryer. I'll now have to attempt to explain to them that I really am qualified to safely operate an electrostatic lifting device, and other expensive equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 048

You deserved it 6 681

By educatedreptile - 09/12/2016 16:21 - Canada - Yorkton

Today, I found out that I owe the government money and that the amount will increase if I miss the deadline 2 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 159

You deserved it 1 427

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 04:51 - Australia - Forestville

Today, the whole family came over to celebrate my 18th birthday. My grandfather bought me a giant mathematics book. Apparently, he didn't want my 16 year old sister to be "jealous", so he got her the new iPad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 176

You deserved it 2 072

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 16:35 - United States - Calhoun

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 445

You deserved it 2 797

By Badlucked - 03/05/2019 06:00 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I spent almost an hour cleaning and scrubbing the inside of my fridge. Just when I'd finished putting everything back inside, I tipped over the open milk carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 369

By Jeepers - 29/06/2009 14:30 - United Kingdom

Today, after playing in an online casino, I won £200. Being pretty tight for cash at the moment I was pretty excited. I then tried to withdraw it to be told that I can't have a penny of it because I didn't register my card details first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 098

You deserved it 41 796

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 18:23 - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 565

You deserved it 3 044

By FutureMarine3658 - 08/08/2012 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 418

You deserved it 50 385

By iskalion - 10/10/2015 05:39 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 262

You deserved it 5 382

By Electro - 11/02/2016 21:51 - United States - Nashua

Spicy

Today, I found out how painful it is to static shock the tip of your dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 124

You deserved it 7 233

By mastermind - 01/09/2019 02:00

Today, I can add "Ferrari" to the long list of cars I’ve almost been hit by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 205

By fatcat - 05/09/2018 16:30 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I was told to stop processing certain transactions at work because I'd tried to make rich people follow the same tax rules that we force poor people to follow to the letter. I'm guessing it won't be too long till I'm fired and blacklisted from this career I've had ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 051

You deserved it 220

By lalararara - 04/03/2010 15:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 884

You deserved it 6 750

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Friday 15 January 2010 12:37

You know what? If your best friend "liked" your single status, that might be a bad thing. If your mom "liked" your single status, that would probably be a bad thing. But your ex? THAT'S MUNDANE!

Send a private message

Friday 15 January 2010 12:23

take him off your friends list....

Comments

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Friday 15 January 2010 12:17

LMFAO

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Tuesday 6 April 2010 6:58

lmfao oh my

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Friday 15 January 2010 12:19

lol

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Friday 15 January 2010 12:20

That's funny XD

Moemoemoe_fml 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 12:20

Ouch. :X

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Friday 15 January 2010 12:21

No shit.

weirdowithsocks 0

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Thursday 29 September 2011 1:01

thats what i said...like isnt it obvious that your ex would like that your single cause they are the reason that your single in the first place!

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Friday 15 January 2010 12:23

take him off your friends list....

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Friday 9 July 2010 21:38

What if they've just liked you for awhile and couldn't tell you cuz u wer in a relationship?

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Friday 15 January 2010 12:37

You know what? If your best friend "liked" your single status, that might be a bad thing. If your mom "liked" your single status, that would probably be a bad thing. But your ex? THAT'S MUNDANE!

Cruth 2

Send a private message

Friday 15 January 2010 12:40

atleast u still have contact xD

24788 6

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Friday 15 January 2010 12:44

Yawn again... Go outside and meet people.

gymtanlaundry 0

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Tuesday 9 March 2010 18:50

win @ your comment and ur pic ;)

catatonicsleep 17

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Friday 15 January 2010 12:47

well he would like the fact that he's not with you anymore if he split up with you

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 10

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 166

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 93