How he managed to obtain a wife is beyond my intelligence.

Surely it is beyond your intelligence, especially since OP clearly mentions the man is the "father of my child" rather than her husband. I may be reading too much into this, but I'm fairly certain that she would have simply said "husband" had they been married.

They could be married, she could have said it that way because she hopes her kid doesn't end up that dumb...

Maybe she divorced him after this latest debacle. Or maybe he bought balloons instead of condoms. You decide.

Then she probably would have said "ex-husband"

That ***** expensive, $9 a skinny roll of blue painters tape.

Hopefully the kid didn't inherit his dad's intelligence.

or lack of

#84 - Right! That's the 1st thing I thought. He got fired for wasting money instead of looking around for a broom. WTH is that stuff so pricey anyway?

Maybe he also improvised with a condom. Explains why the post began with "the father of my child."

A Twix wrapper worked fine for me...

I use Mr Big wrappers. Those puppies get the job done.

Agent Stan, I don't think it did. I mean Steve has to be an accident right?

Too bad painters tape is expensive, else that would have been an ingenious improvisation.

Steve is one of my many accidents. Starting with Hayley.

Nappies? da fuq?

Diapers..."couldn't find a safety pin, so I used this staple gun"

I do...mostly because I'm not American

12 people say nappies in Ireland, England and Australia for definite, which I know having lived in all three places. The only place in the world I know of that calls them diapers is America.

You're not American???! Wtf! You must adapt and only use our cultural terms that we understand because we don't give a flying **** what they are called elsewhere, even if it is more common in more places! /sarcasm font (I learned something new today, nappies = diappers)

Gosh darn it why are we Americans always on the opposite of things. There is the measurement system. We use standard while most other countries use metric. Then there's a slight isolationist style of life since the U.S.A is only landlocked with two other countries. And now there's even more words I need to learn so I know what people are talking about!

Technically, the US isn't landlocked, as this implies it has no coastline...it's just bordered by two countries. One of which doesn't even speak English.

This reminds me of the time I was told I was dumb because I spelled "colour" instead of "color" on a UNIVERSAL site... -_-

I have American friends that correct me all the time, & it's like "No. Over here, it's spelled colour, favourite, Mum & it's not called candy" Just an example.

The English language...invented in England, perfected in Ireland

And Canada.

I forgot Canada...Canada rocks! They gave us Nickelback and Bryan Adams. Though they also gave us Celine Dion. Bastards.

don't blame the cook if you're the one eating his shit.

It's not called candy? Aha you learn something new everyday. And while yes, I agree that Canada is quite awesome, the fact that they gave us nickleback is NOT one of their greatest achievements.

Rush > Nickleback ANY day. So awesome my nephew was born 2/1/12

People in the Europe area do.

#107 I forgot Rush were Canadian

It's amazing how 'aware' you can become about the world if you lived in a second or a third world country. I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia. My teachers were from US, UK, Ireland, Scotland and Australia to name a few. My friends and classmates were even more diversely cultured. Our satellite dishes could capture TV from EU, Russia, Africa and all the way to far East Asia. The shops carried products from EU and US. Apart from being constantly entertained by the media dominant 'western culture' we also did not lose the grip on our own heritage and cultures as the country itself followed a middle eastern and somewhat Islamic lifestyle (you could prayers in the mosque etc) I think it's about time that these 'first world' countries, namely US :P, should start learning about other cultures... And accept their lifestyle.

#126, There are many worldly people in the US, and most Americans are very accepting of other's cultures. It's just that SOME Americans aren't like that. You assume that most Americans are ignorant because a few are. Sounds a bit hypocritical to me.

#128- True, I agree with you. It is as hypocritical as assuming most Muslims are terrorists just because a very few are. :-)

Really? Do I detect sarcasm in that statement? You gotta either be trolling or just a genuinely ignorant asshole who knows nothing. The vast majority of Americans understand that most muslims are peaceful. I had a muslim friend in highchool & she never once complained about discrimrimination.

Discrimrimination...love it! New word of the day...

Or are you unaware of the millions of muslims who are proud American citizens?

*discrimination. Character limit on mobile version ****** shit up. Sorry, guys.

See the smiley on my previous comment? It was a joke... Relax... No hard feelings... My best friend is an American...

134, no it didn't. Not only have I typed up much lengthier comments on the mobile app, but you also added letters to the word, not took them away, so if there was a character limit (and I have yet to reach one), your spelling of the word would have only exceeded it further, not butchered it to make it fit within said, non-existant, limit.

Sorry, but if you're so worldly, you'd think you'd know better than to make a joke of an issue that has killed thousands of people.

There is a limit on the version I use for some reason. I use swype and it cut the word in half. Then I went back & made the whole comment shorter to fit the whole word. Then I finished "discrimination" manually, hence the butchering of the word.

138- You see frowning and feeling sad over it won't help either. My Palestinian friend lost his aunts and cousins when Israeli soldiers marched into his village and murdered/raped them. My Indonesian friend lost his girlfriend in the Indonesian tsunami I lost family members in Lahore mosque shoot out My (ex)girlfriend passed away a year ago due to accident in UK My dad passed away due to heart attack 6 months ago. If I start feeling sad over all these instances that I had no control over and I ignore them or mention them in hush tones. I would be the saddest person on earth. You should accept the changes as natural occurrences. Yes they are sad. Yes the word terrorist has killed millions but u can't do anything about it. A slight joke is the only way to overcome the sadness. But never the less, I'm sorry if it offended you...

And I'm not on an app, btw. I'm on the mobile website.

Sorry, how did we get from the FML to talking about Saudi Arabia?

Your a little late buddy, this was gone all the way to terrorism and discriminations. Some comments were buried... :-( @126 - I agree some should learn accept the other cultures...

#128 - It is true that its wrong to label a whole nation based on individuals. But it has been proven a lot of Americans are very bad for knowing what is happening beyond their borders. Also maps seem to be difficult for most Americans to read correctly. I'm only basing this on news from British television. I love learning about other cultures and nations, it gets boring where I love :(

*live

In my 148 comment I wanted to point at 128 rather than 126 O.o this edit limit is too little for mobile devices...

#151 - I feel the same, there's never enough time.

Unfortunately, yes, American news doesn't cover world events very well, so many Americans aren't aware of what's going on elsewhere currently, however that doesn't mean they are completely ignorant of other histories & cultures. The US is, after all,a nation of immigrants.

Also, I blame the poor map reading skills on GPS.

159- That may be the case with adults, but I've noticed that many American teenagers (a.k.a my generation) are ignorant to international affairs. Many of them have an "if it isn't about America then shove it up your ass" mentality. The sad part is, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a Brit, and all of my relatives are Afro-European, I would probably be the same (being that I grew up here). Yet another reason why I've lost faith in my generation.

I wouldn't lose faith in your generation so early. I'm a completely different person than I was 10 years ago. Chances are they'll grow out of that attitude when they realize what a big and fascinating place the world is, and how events thousands of miles away can impact them.

Umm guys...America is not just the United States. We live in North America, as well as Canada but Brazil is in South America. Yes, I know the US is considered America, but that's only part of the continent. And, yes, i know that the US is corrupt an all, I live here. Nothing you can say surprises me, but we aren't all like that! Some of us are actually open minded about things! It's just the other bigot assholes that make the whole country seem ignorant. And because of them, I apologize! Hugs?

Umm guys...America is not just the United States. We live in North America, as well as Canada but Brazil is in South America. Yes, I know the US is considered America, but that's only part of the continent. And, yes, i know that the US is corrupt an all, I live here. Nothing you can say surprises me, but we aren't all like that! Some of us are actually open minded about things! It's just the other bigot assholes that make the whole country seem ignorant. And because of them, I apologize! Hugs?

I'm not close minded or rigid or any thing like that, but why is it so wrong for US citizens to not know what different words are in different countries? I get corrected by my friends in the uk all the time for color and mom. USA isn't the only place thats ignorant of other people. I live in america. Why the **** should I care about what word other people in other countries use for diaper?

128, Compared to what this person is exposed to you can't really make such claims. Very few people in the USA would be as culturally understanding as would someone raised in this environment. From that stand point theres nothing hypocritical about what was said. That said, it's not just an American thing, most people in general are like this, and I'd like to say it's just westerners but sadly this isn't the case. 17, If you knew what it meant why the **** did you have to be a dick about it? You just sound like a giant tool.

This isnt about america, so idc shove it up your ass. -_- honestly id love to understand and know everything in the world but truth be told i dont really have time to read a new paper or watch tv that much so whats going on in ireland, and the Uk i have know clue. Its not that i dont care i just seriously dont have time. But colour and color :D made my day ima spell it that way now on even if people try to correct me >:D even autocorrect can suck it. Colour= BA version of color :)

Did you also have no time for primary school? Loose grammar is one thing, what you just typed is below the level of your average 13 year old.

Just to dispute what BubbleGrunge says. 'America' does refer to the United states, mostly because it is the United States of AMERICA or USA. When people want to talk about the whole continent - which includes Canada and Mexico, but also Belize, Nicaragua, Guatemala, Panama, El Salvador and Honduras - 99.98% of the time they say 'North America'. Occasionally the later six countries are referred to as the subcontinent 'Central America', but never, ever just 'America'.

I'm just checking if he comments are closed because of this debate, if not well done mods for being able to stand it.l

198- yea I understand what you are saying, and yes the majority of the world agrees with you, but I have many friends who are from south America who consider themselves American before they even moved to this country. They did, after all, live on an American continent.

In Australia we call it confectionery/sweets/lollies :) & the stuff you call jelly, we call it jam, & jell-o is called jelly! Confusing stuff, heh.

Mr. Grinch.

It's a great way to pick up dog hair though... Lol...

Hmm... I doubt she would write an FML if she liked having an idiot as a partner...

Maybe she is worried about that and that is why she started with "the father of my child"

You don't say

You shodn't. Cake is awesome. So is spelling.

You shodn't. Cake is awesome. So is spelling.

He used painters tape, which doesn't stick - its designed to come off easily AND since his former boss was a painter, he probably needed that tape.

No idea why that was posted twice.

Sarcasm ^