Dig it

Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend. A while later I forgot about it and started digging my nose vigorously. He then beeped me and said "Digging for gold, dear? " FML

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

Today, I saw a little girl digging in the gravel inside the fireworks tent I work in. After she and her family left, I went and used my foot to smooth out the mound she'd made. In doing so, I discovered that she wasn't digging, she was burying. She'd pooped. FML

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

My precious

Today, I found my wife crying. She said she’d lost her diamond ring. I backtracked her activities and suggested where to look. She found it in the fridge. She now thinks I hid it there. FML

Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been putting boogers in my belly button when I don't pay attention to her while we watch tv. FML

Fill those slots!

Today, my girlfriend pawned in her mother's engagement ring so she could gamble at the pokies. FML

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML