Sex, Weird, Relatable and Intimacy: Desperate Dan

Desperate Dan

By BKCK4187 - 20/12/2011 03:23 - United States

Today, I got aroused by the vanilla scent from an unused trash bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 174

You deserved it 6 900

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Same thing different taste

Fragrant

By nooneinparticular - 21/05/2020 08:00

Today, I realized that I get turned on by my girlfriend's perfume. My mother started using the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 704

You deserved it 165

Dinnertime

By u.p.i.c. - 02/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 563

Oddly specific

By RowerBud - 02/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 913

By smellsgood - 13/03/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, after finishing the laundry, I took clothes out of the dryer and took a big whiff of their delicious clean scent. That was when I noticed that my mom was watching me, and I had just smelled my dad's still-stained underwear that was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 412

You deserved it 11 379

By Hormones apparently - 08/12/2015 02:32 - United States - Westerville

Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 970

You deserved it 3 550

Good smell

By smellslikeroses - 30/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxnard

Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 1 896

By urinetrouble - 04/05/2017 06:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while checking the men's bathroom at work, I noticed one of the air fresheners had fallen from the top of the paper towel holder into the garbage. It wasn't until I picked it up and examined it that I realized I was actually holding used urinal fresheners. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 434

You deserved it 1 580

Flavor of the month

By potpurri_needed - 10/06/2009 17:37 - United States

Today, I was doing the laundry but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 189

You deserved it 60 967

I can explain

By 1nn0cen7 1 sw3ar - 06/05/2022 14:00

Today, I had to walk through the women's perfume section to get to my normal aftershave. A woman was trying out a perfume, which she squirted on herself and me. You can imagine the afternoon I had to endure after I got home to my wife and she could smell "some slut's scent" all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 170

By thefriedman - 12/02/2013 04:59 - United States - Perris

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 543

You deserved it 8 687

ceilingfans 1

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:22

I found this hard to ********** to

abbytequiere 9

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:23

Oh, you're so dirty...

Comments

MisterEx 28

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:38

Be thankful while you can still get it up, bagman.

wikkedphuka 0

Tuesday 20 December 2011 12:06

get it up? is that how u talk to all women? op is a girl

finished 10

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:41

Well then...

SamCat 21

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:41

I dont blame you, they smell really good. Just dont rub it upon you, people frown on stuff like that.

hnz 13

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:45

Gotta love vanilla!

upyourzlolz 11

Tuesday 20 December 2011 15:34

I'd be worst if OP was homosexual. Then we would get joke such as: "Hey, why don't you come and here and spray your vanilla on me?"

Torva_fml 16

Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:16

Not really....? ^

SauceySarah 30

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:46

I have some! They smell really good, so I totally understand.

MyLoveDrunk 11

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:47

Future cereal killer I presume?

MikeDa1Da 14

Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:24

If I was a cereal killer, id definitely take out cap'n crunch first.

rocker135 0

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:50

Well nothing says arousal like unused hefty bags with vanilla scent

upyourzlolz 11

Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:01

I guess OPs dick became... HEFTY HEFTY HEFTY

bubblepaarty 5

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:59

vanilla is pretty arousing. (;

badass243 6

Tuesday 20 December 2011 9:08

thats low dude

meanmachine888 0

Tuesday 20 December 2011 9:10

Sounds easy to get you into bed.

Darklord53 0

Tuesday 20 December 2011 10:48

If Op is a guy then it's already easy.

Keywords

Health Cute Love Music Gross Coworkers TMI Work Parents Money Racism Customers Kids Scary Gamers Technology Geek Sex Poopoo peepee Intimacy Stressed out Anxiety Mental health Miscellaneous Neighbours Garden Relatable Transportation Disability Ableism

The Top

Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 318

Today, and every day for the past 3 years, my daughter has consistently woken me up throughout the night to nurse. Bonus? She’s up by 7:00am in the morning and falls asleep around 10pm and it takes me 2 hours to fall asleep. I’m mentally and physically drained, and exhausted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 723

The Top

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend due to the fact that she's been cheating on me with my best friend for the past year. She said I was overreacting, and to grow a pair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 019

You deserved it 3 873

Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 345

You deserved it 49 692

Today, I visited my old job to pick up some paperwork. Since leaving over a year ago, I’ve lost over 60lbs, but I’m currently 6 months pregnant. Not a single person believed that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 240

Today, I found out that they won't hold my stimulus for child support, only to find out that they withheld it to give it to me when I file my taxes. Which child support will take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 1 845

Today, it was my co-worker's birthday but she told me not to mention it. Feeling bad for her, I went out to buy her a card, a present, and even a small cake. It turns out that there was actually a party during our lunch break, and I was the only one in our office not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 385

You deserved it 3 584

Today, my boyfriend came home from a camping trip and broke up with me. All because when he was watching the lake he was near, ripples formed. Apparently, this means God was telling him I'm impure and unable to be "saved by Christ" and therefore, a waste of his time. I dated this lunatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 241

You deserved it 8 523