Sex, Weird, Relatable and Intimacy: Desperate Dan - FML

Desperate Dan

By BKCK4187 - 20/12/2011 03:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got aroused by the vanilla scent from an unused trash bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 175

You deserved it 6 900

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Fragrant

By nooneinparticular - 21/05/2020 08:00

Today, I realized that I get turned on by my girlfriend's perfume. My mother started using the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 704

You deserved it 165

Dinnertime

By u.p.i.c. - 02/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 563

Oddly specific

By RowerBud - 02/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Cleveland

Spicy

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 914

By smellsgood - 13/03/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, after finishing the laundry, I took clothes out of the dryer and took a big whiff of their delicious clean scent. That was when I noticed that my mom was watching me, and I had just smelled my dad's still-stained underwear that was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 413

You deserved it 11 379

By Hormones apparently - 08/12/2015 02:32 - United States - Westerville

Spicy

Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 971

You deserved it 3 550

Good smell

By smellslikeroses - 30/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxnard

Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 1 897

By urinetrouble - 04/05/2017 06:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while checking the men's bathroom at work, I noticed one of the air fresheners had fallen from the top of the paper towel holder into the garbage. It wasn't until I picked it up and examined it that I realized I was actually holding used urinal fresheners. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 435

You deserved it 1 580

Flavor of the month

By potpurri_needed - 10/06/2009 17:37 - United States

Today, I was doing the laundry but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 189

You deserved it 60 967

I can explain

By 1nn0cen7 1 sw3ar - 06/05/2022 14:00

Today, I had to walk through the women's perfume section to get to my normal aftershave. A woman was trying out a perfume, which she squirted on herself and me. You can imagine the afternoon I had to endure after I got home to my wife and she could smell "some slut's scent" all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 170

By thefriedman - 12/02/2013 04:59 - United States - Perris

Spicy

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 543

You deserved it 8 688

Next

Top comments

ceilingfans 1

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:22

I found this hard to ********** to

abbytequiere 9

Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:23

Oh, you're so dirty...

Comments

l4gxmonster 0

Tuesday 20 December 2011 11:26

haha they do smell good not gunna lie!

Scands_59 14

Tuesday 20 December 2011 11:31

I love vanilla...I smell like vanilla everyday...

bustub2 8

Tuesday 20 December 2011 12:54

That could give new meaning to the phrase "Taking out the trash"

AnonymousTroll 2

Tuesday 20 December 2011 12:59

Why isn't there vanilla scented cologne?

LukaInTheSky 3

Tuesday 20 December 2011 13:32

Rule 34

jobsman99 0

Tuesday 20 December 2011 14:47

You could get latex bed sheets that smell like that and have wet dreams all night long. Hope your partner likes them too!!

BaconBoy75 2

Tuesday 20 December 2011 14:54

That happens to me all the time. Just be concerned when you get aroused from a used trash bag.

perdix 29

Tuesday 20 December 2011 15:32

I can totally see that! You probably have a sexual memory involving vanilla scent. I once went out with a girl that smelled like vanilla, so the scent sometimes give me a boner. I hope your memory is at least as wild as mine.

lololover 0

Tuesday 20 December 2011 16:40

fatty.

ThecomingofTan 9

Tuesday 20 December 2011 17:21

Those trash bags are ******* teases. They almost never put out for me. They just want to get you all hot and bothered, but never finish the job. The ******.

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8

Keywords

Social Media Love Stalker Instagram Spiders Animals Embarrassing Ironic Phobias Health Bikes Transportation Ecology Drunk AITA Work Poopoo peepee Facebook Geek Vacation Mysterious Weird Video games Gamers Gross Smells First Dates Parents Technology Kids

The Top

Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 775

You deserved it 5 102

Today, no matter how well we tried to raise out daughter, things aren't looking too bright. I was present, I listened, and she told me her problems. My husband was always there for her too, no matter what. She works and studies but her role models consist of celebrities and girls who sell themselves on OnlyFans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 176

The Top

Today, my husband wants to go on a trip to Tulum with his friend. I suggested I go as well, but he refused because it’s a "friends trip." He assures me that he "won’t sleep in the same bed with her or anything." I had to explain why it was still inappropriate. He still doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 217

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 187

You deserved it 3 583

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 773

You deserved it 21 133

Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 818

You deserved it 14 460

Today, I got into a very intense fight with my roommate about rent payment. She got so angry that she snatched my purse, walked out into the hallway and threw it down the garbage chute. Along with my money, my driver's licence, my credit cards, and my monthly paycheck was in that purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 847

You deserved it 337

Today, my "best friend" of over 15 years has decided to cut me out of her life. She asked me to loan her $7k to get a surgery for her 14 year-old dog. When I told her it would be far crueler to prolong the poor thing’s life, she called me a heartless bitch and refuses to ever speak to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 402