Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML
Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML
Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML
Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML
Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML
Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML
Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML
Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML
Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
Well, acknowledging you have a problem is the first step..
FunnyGuy5051 7
I think they thought you were more drunk than pathetic
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Comments (41)
ambowew 7
Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. At least you're admitting that you have a problem, I'm sure the supermarket staff will miss their favorite regular though.
sourgirl101 29
Who won the debate? If you're having a Crown on the rocks while you're writing this, you may need help.
luvppl 6
I heard that talking to yourself is a sign of being crazy... o_o
indistructo 3
at least (unlike sone people) you can admit it...
MRobvious750 0
Somewhere in the debate against yourself throw in a comment or two about what other people you know like to drink. That way people will think you're throwing a party; and not that you're a drunk loser.
thecovert 7
So make a decision and stop being one.
Gallaghers 0
I actually got more of a "pathetic loser" vibe reading this stupid FML. It sounds like your looking for attention and can't think of anything real to complain about
missworthless 0
I'm pretty sure being an alcoholic is a legit thing to complain about and a good reason to think one's life sucks. If the op is truly an alcoholic, then their life would most likely suck.
InsaneGenius 0
You're not a pathetic loser. You are someone who knows they have a problem and you are smart enough to tell yourself not to do it. If you did buy it, it's a setback; next time don't even go down that aisle. Try to have those arguments in your head because people will think you're crazy! On the other hand though, who cares what they think?
MRobvious750 0
I really need to know if you wrote this comment thinking OP would read it and be inspired, change and live a better and healthier lifestyle. Then I would like to know if this is your style of comments. I guess I might be prying a bit much but I'm a curious person.
InsaneGenius 0
I wrote this because it's what I thought. I'm not naive enough to think that a comment on FML is going to change someone's life; I'm also not mean either. Uplifting is not really my style of commenting, but if it's what I happen to think it's what I write.
TabzTheLoserKidd 4
That's attractive.
DocBastard 40
No, what truly scream "pathetic loser" is calling yourself gayboii, writing like a complete imbecile, and wondering why no one takes you seriously.