Broken and Love: Denial - FML

Denial

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - 15/07/2016 20:27 - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 697

You deserved it 1 021

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Same thing different taste

Panic!

By Anonymous - 31/12/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 481

By tmac05 - 13/11/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, the waiter farted while I was on a date. My date thought it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 842

You deserved it 3 014

By shithappens - 31/03/2019 14:00

Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 261

You deserved it 685

By Anonymous - 01/03/2018 19:30 - United States - Greenville

Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 048

You deserved it 1 749

Stinker

By taman - 12/09/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN!" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 947

You deserved it 5 363

Time to flee the crime scene

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 10:00

Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 871

By great. - 02/01/2013 18:59

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 978

You deserved it 3 564

Maturity level

By Clairebear - 07/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 788

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 03:00

Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 600

You deserved it 199

By Anonymous - 06/07/2017 01:00 - United Kingdom - Halstead

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend when he suddenly got down on one knee and proposed. A waiter tripped over him and spilled our food all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 616

You deserved it 510

Next

Top comments

HeyItsCamilo 17

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:47

im waiting for him to post"today,i shat myself on a date,on the brightside i think she didn't notice"

MitchRapp 20

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:54

Sounds like a crappy date.

Comments

Exorcio 14

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:46

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

HeyItsCamilo 17

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:51

he just didnt give a shit

danielcho7727 20

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:03

i hope he gets his shit straight

ChocolateScyther 19

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:39

why do people always make those "shitty situation puns" if they know they're gonna be downvoted into oblivion?

Mpii 11

Saturday 16 July 2016 13:15

Because their sense of humour is just as shitty...

tintarroja 31

Saturday 16 July 2016 14:05

because they don't give a shit...

will968 15

Saturday 16 July 2016 19:01

Well... Shit, why do you think? He couldn't give two ***** about this crap

HeyItsCamilo 17

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:47

im waiting for him to post"today,i shat myself on a date,on the brightside i think she didn't notice"

pharmalady 10

Saturday 16 July 2016 17:03

It was first up on the moderation list for me this morning.

Balphleair 24

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:50

Funny thing I read this while in the bathroom

Seabass_Chan 33

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:51

Isn't that where most people are while reading FML?

zaidthunder1 27

Saturday 16 July 2016 10:34

True Story.

lakesofire 13

Saturday 16 July 2016 16:39

same haha

MitchRapp 20

Saturday 16 July 2016 8:54

Sounds like a crappy date.

draftskink 23

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

SauceySarah 30

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:02

Poor guy. Too embarrassed to acknowledge it. Deny, deny, deny.

anonymoususer070 17

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:08

As much as he was probably embarrassed and I feel for him maybe you should've asked if he wanted to go home and change that way everyone around you didn't have to notice because most likely they did and you could've gone to do something else after so he didn't have to go back to that restaurant? Plus I'm sure he wasn't comfortable sitting in it the whole time.

Tripartita 44

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:10

Can you really blame him, Lady Bloodshart? Last time a relative of mine crossed a descendant of the Redwater line, we ended up having to excommunicate them for fear of the toiletry related curses that befell them. I should think that your reputation would be enough to strike fear into the hearts (and bowels) of those who hope to court you.

lccc_ 18

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:36

he was probably just super embarrased.

MrZed_fml 11

Saturday 16 July 2016 9:52

I hope he gets his shit straight

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 635

You deserved it 42 712

Today, on my first day as a community support officer, a 7-foot meathead in the middle of a domestic argument told me to “piss off shorty”, and when I asked him not to swear at me, he picked me up one-handed and threw me in a builder's skip full of mud and wet cement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 351

The Top

Today, I'm using mold and mildew stain remover on my mattress, all because I threw up on it drunk, and was to lazy to clean it up when it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 1 296

Today, while watching YouTube, I was drinking when something funny happened. I laughed, choked, and threw up all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 265

Today, I managed to get a €5 note tangled in the zip on my purse. I couldn't open it without ripping it to shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 482

You deserved it 5 244

Today, I was on my way to meet the girl I like at the beach. I parked my truck and walked to the restaurant where I was supposed to meet her. She wasn't there so I called her and she told me she cancelled because it started raining. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 708

You deserved it 3 078

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 304

You deserved it 5 787

Today, I found out while pet-sitting that a white cat is no easier to see in the dark than a black cat. I also found out that this particular cat doesn't take kindly to being accidentally kicked, even if it wasn't that hard. My feet have seen better days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 298