Sex, Awkward, LGBTQIA+ and Intimacy: Crude

Crude

By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 01:24 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 952

You deserved it 5 039

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Same thing different taste

Uh... Okay?

By Champion sucker - 11/08/2018 06:00

Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 006

You deserved it 1 820

Dad of the day

By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad is disappointed in me because I came to him for advice on how I should tell my girlfriend I don’t feel ready for sex yet. He just looked at me, shook his head, and walked away. Later he sent my mom to ask me if I’m gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 403

By anonymous - 19/08/2013 05:41 - United States - Lamar

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 374

You deserved it 3 053

By spiritbeast33 - 11/09/2013 06:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 429

You deserved it 13 547

By Asterisk1009 - 29/06/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 652

You deserved it 17 070

Not the best reaction

By Mark - 31/08/2021 15:01

Today, I came out as gay to my dad on Whatsapp. The only thing he replied was, "I'll ever talk to you again when you stop being a pussy." He then blocked me from everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 218

Are you experienced?

By ugh - 11/03/2013 11:33 - United States - Easthampton

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 544

You deserved it 27 019

By not gay in AL - 11/05/2014 17:57 - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 382

You deserved it 5 479

Denial

By TedX - 19/08/2020 20:07

Today, at 18, I finally told my mom I was gay. She spent the rest of the day bringing up my "future wife" at every possible chance she had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 226

By mothtal - 03/06/2012 16:13 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 558

You deserved it 2 264

iiVas 10

Monday 25 January 2016 14:05

Looks like your dad saw the opportunity to make that joke and took it xD

igg125 30

Monday 25 January 2016 14:08

He means butt pussy.

Comments

IndefiniteBeauty 17

Monday 25 January 2016 19:22

Well I've heard many gay boys claim they have a pussy so this still stands lmao.

PinkGlitterBunny 8

Monday 25 January 2016 19:34

He was probably making a crappy joke

raz0rf0x 8

Monday 25 January 2016 19:47

just because your date's a sensitive guy doesn't call for name calling...

Suaria 38

Monday 25 January 2016 21:53

Except OP never said his date is a sensitive guy. Just because a guy is sensitive person doesn't mean they are a pussy either.

914smv 18

Monday 25 January 2016 20:09

um okay... Maybe he forgot...?

protoskore 27

Monday 25 January 2016 20:17

let the old man dream

heavenlyassbutt 11

Monday 25 January 2016 20:31

Your dad sounds awesome, lucky you.

Fairyjoshy 13

Monday 25 January 2016 20:38

I'm thinking he just used a euphemism for "Have great sex, son" and didn't really even think about the gender of it.

transwhale 19

Monday 25 January 2016 20:48

Men can have *******, too. Or did we forget that trans people are a thing?

kampuchea 6

Monday 25 January 2016 20:52

You need to give us the original version right now... Please :)

captainsmegma 12

Monday 25 January 2016 20:53

Would you prefer "tear that asshole up" or "suck that dick"?

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I'm extremely uncomfortable with eye contact, but he kept staring into my eyes the entire time. I had to sing the F.U.N. song from Spongebob in my head to stop myself having an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 206

You deserved it 6 457

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I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 4

The Top

Today, since it was payday, I figured I’d take my mom out for burgers. The bank also decided to do a random update on our debit card, resulting in my card declining three times. My mom ended up having to pay for our meals. So much for trying to treat my mom out to dinner. I’m still pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 123

Today, the girl I've been dating for two weeks brought up the topic of marriage, then started asking me when we're moving in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 110

You deserved it 6 878

Today, I yet again dreamt of the girl I loved in elementary school. She isn’t the woman I wound up marrying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 674

Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call me Wolverine. At every lesson, they wait for me with pens stuck between their fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 120

Today, I got a call from the only company that asked me to come in for an interview of the many applications I submitted. I answered it even though I was at my current job. My boss heard and chewed me out. The call was to cancel the interview since the position was filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 068

You deserved it 1 731

Today, my girlfriend, her grandma, and I were leaving her house to eat lunch. I stubbed my toe on the door while exiting. It hurt, so I stood there shortly in pain. I heard my girlfriend's grandma call me a "pansy". I later saw blood and took off my shoe. My whole toenail had come off of my big toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 160

You deserved it 3 528