Today, I was at a bus stop making small talk with a really nice...

By Anonymous - 15/5/2012 04:07 - United States - Apache Junction

Today, I was at a bus stop making small talk with a really nice girl, when all of a sudden some kids let off firecrackers behind me. I shrieked like a little girl and practically jumped into her lap. FML

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Miscellaneous

Mystery

All for nothing

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

By oops - 30/7/2012 00:25 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML

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By kebaby - 19/6/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2020 14:00

Oddly specific thief

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My steering wheel. FML

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By sicktomystomach - 2/5/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2015 07:57 - United States - Houston

Today, at dinner, my downstair's neighbors described how they can listen to most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew it is not my phone that vibrates at that time. FML

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By jdancerchick - 16/11/2011 13:47 - United States

Today, while driving and singing, I noticed a large fly inside my car. I stopped singing so it wouldn't fly into my mouth. That didn't stop it from flying up my nose, causing me to swerve and drive into a ditch. FML

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By protoplasm stole my seat - 26/1/2013 01:24 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

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By pirsquared - 28/1/2012 01:20 - United States

Today, I had to Google how to find the area of a circle. I'm working on my PhD in engineering. FML

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By Nachos4lifs - 8/11/2019 01:00

He did not care

Today, after years of pretty much no sex from my long term partner, I admitted I was having dreams about sex with other people. I hoped to get a reaction from him. However, he didn't react at all. FML

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By Scaredshitless - 3/2/2010 13:48 - France

Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2012 09:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML

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By Icey_dan1 - 10/10/2010 15:16 - France

Today, I tried to jump between the train doors to make it in on time. And missed. FML

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By alone - 14/2/2012 05:34 - Australia

Today, I arranged to have some flowers delivered at work for Valentine's Day so that my colleagues will think someone likes me. FML

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By Katsuria - 25/7/2020 14:01

Unreasonable

Today, my mother disowned me because I wouldn’t fill out her visa application for France so that she can see her boyfriend. The reason why I refused was because my husband and I are on our honeymoon, and would like to spend some time together. I guess that makes me a “useless” daughter. FML

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By dammit - 1/2/2012 08:22 - United States

Today, my nap was cut short by three bricks flying through my window. FML

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By unemployed - 21/5/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2010 19:12 - United States

Today, it was my first day of softball practice. I'm the youngest one on the team by about 2 years, so I wanted to prove I'm just as good as everyone else. Too bad I tripped in the outfield and got hit in the head with a bat. I have a concussion. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 05:00

TMI

Today, I was trying to teach my Aunt and Gran to use Google drive to share and upload pictures, when I scrolled past an image of my… yep. I didn't have a mirror when the pic was taken and I was concerned about a sore. Now they just think I'm a whore. FML

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By insurance lies - 8/7/2013 14:48 - United States

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

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By GasAttack - 7/9/2009 13:32 - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

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By coolcucumber - 10/9/2010 20:40 - United States

Today, my dad squirted water at me. Fortunately, I blocked it. Unfortunately, I blocked it with my new $200 camera. FML

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By Notcheating - 3/12/2019 18:00

Not a cheating!

Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo.

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By housematefromhell - 21/7/2018 21:29

Today, my housemate revealed her supposed loss of function of her arm was all a lie. I spent hours in the ER with her and had to go to work the next day. Last time she lied about cancer. I'm stuck sharing with her for another 7 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2012 18:15

Today, we got a new seating arrangement in my science class. I'm now sitting between two people who have spent the last 20 minutes whispering dirty things to one another. FML

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By Jack - 10/1/2016 02:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

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By always-the-responsible-one - 3/1/2010 08:42 - Canada

Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML

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By honk honk, fuckwad - 6/11/2015 22:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML

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By paulinapo - 30/5/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

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By I'veRunOuttaPatience - 31/8/2018 03:30

Today, I got scolded for how I treated my aunt and uncle's dogs while pet sitting. I was told it was my fault they had explosive diarrhea for "locking" them in the room they'd told me to put them in at night and doing everything they said when I reported they were sick. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2013 22:41 - United States

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2019 18:00

Quality time

Today, I'm finally visiting my long-distance boyfriend in his home country. He has a vomit-inducing migraine, and the traditional food he fed me triggered the worst kidney attack I've had in years. We're both lying on the couch writhing in pain. Yay, quality time together. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML

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By Diana - 25/10/2019 22:00 - United States

We hear ya

Today, I found out that falling asleep with a bobby pin in your hair means waking up with one jammed in your ear drum. FML

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By WtfDidIPayYouForThen - 2/6/2013 10:53 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I asked my dermatologist why my acne has been getting worse, despite following her directions and spending hundreds of dollars on medicine. She just shrugged and told me they can't actually cure my acne. However, they can prescribe me a bunch of stuff and hope one works. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2012 12:50 - United States

Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML

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By Solemnwishing - 13/7/2009 18:33 - United States

Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML

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By Anonwymous - 18/10/2009 10:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML

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By whiskey'swino - 9/6/2019 14:19

Today, while working in a dark nightclub, I dropped a red charger. Retracing my steps, I found it, or so I thought until I picked up a used tampon. FML

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By thelarkscaw - 15/6/2009 03:37 - United States

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

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By Leota - 15/8/2011 16:20 - United States

Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML

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Top comments

By Thisismypchere | 8

#4437893 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:29

Haha, she might have thought it was funny and or cute so it may not be that big of a deal. But FYL anyway.

By globetrottter | 3

#4437894 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:29

Way to show her your 'nerves of steel' :)

COMMENTS

By Thisismypchere | 8

#4437893 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:29

Haha, she might have thought it was funny and or cute so it may not be that big of a deal. But FYL anyway.

iNewKid | 18

#4437910 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:43

He is her hero on socks!

Ugi | 26

#4437918 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:48

Agreed - everyone jumps at a surprise like that. Sounds like it was a good opportunity to me.

Although I guess the girly shrieking is not exactly ideal.

ladyLALAA | 28

#4438142 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 15:50

I'm sure the girl was quiet startled by the noise too, I think it's kind of cute. Imagine telling your kids about the first time you met! Good luck getting the girl, OP!

nado13579 | 12

#4439490 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 23:00

Aww I think that's kinda cute. :)

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#4440706 - Wednesday 16 May 2012 3:41

I love this FML because Op used the word "nice" instead of "hott", or "sexy"

TheStoryOfWazza | 9

#4785619 - Wednesday 8 August 2012 1:05

Romantic.

By globetrottter | 3

#4437894 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:29

Way to show her your 'nerves of steel' :)

shayshayshazam | 14

#4438095 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 14:49

He was probably nervous talking to a pretty girl, and it made him twice as jumpy. But I'll definitely agree that it's an FML moment!

TheDrifter | 23

#4438123 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 15:26

If his nerves of steel failed, maybe she will be impressed by his buns of steel? He's down to either that or commendable pitch with his shriek to impress her.

Incredibly_Dope | 0

#4440236 - Wednesday 16 May 2012 1:35

Damn hooligans

By illoveyouu435 | 0

#4437896 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:30

That sucks, maybe if you see her again you can laugh about it together. Everyone deserves a second chance!

onlychildFTW | 33

#4439183 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 21:18

Hmm. It's normal to get startled. It's just not normal to jump into someone's lap

By syki | 22

#4437897 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:30

Well, guess that potential relationship went up in smoke.

wallandpiece | 16

#4438354 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 16:44

Not really. It was only some firecrackers.. I'm sure most people would jump if they exploded right behind them on a bus.. Although OP's reaction may have been slightly over the top.