Miscellaneous: Today, I was at a bus stop making small talk with a really nice...

By Anonymous - United States - Apache Junction

Today, I was at a bus stop making small talk with a really nice girl, when all of a sudden some kids let off firecrackers behind me. I shrieked like a little girl and practically jumped into her lap. FML

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Miscellaneous

And today, on Dr Phil…

Taking stock

Shitpants blues

By markzar - United States - Amherst

Today, I had food poisoning. When I was finally able to drag myself to the kitchen for some Gatorade, I got stung by a wasp. FML

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By HarryBeast - Canada

Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I'm 33. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friend posted my picture on Craigslist under the "men seeking men" section. I got 16 replies with 2 hours. He then decided to post another picture of me under "men seeking women" to compare results. The only reply I got was from a man. FML

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By justhelpful - Austria - Mils

Today, my dad got drunk and played a practical joke on me; a practical joke that resulted in my knee being broken. Now, I'm sitting in a hospital bed all alone while my dad hunts for "hot nurses". FML

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By Tor - United States

Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML

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By Rojo

Today, I was notified that my work is cutting my pay almost in half. I just renewed my long-term lease on an expensive apartment because I was able to afford it before this morning. Now I have no idea how I’m going to pay for it. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

TMI

Today, I played Call Of Duty online against someone who turned out to be wanking. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Lelystad

Today, I spilled my guts to my girlfriend, saying I'm scared that all I do is upset her. I then had to sit through a speech about how upset she was that I hadn't told her sooner. FML

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By stuff - United States

Today, I was calling my cable company to tell me how to fix my internet. I stayed on hold for almost half an hour, and then when someone finally picked up, my phone died. FML

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By MCRxforever - United States

Today, I was taking my dog on a walk when two younger looking boys rode their bikes up towards me. One said, "What about her?" The other boy said, "Nah, she's ugly." FML

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By oh no - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got reverse suspended for correcting my teacher. Now my mom has to go to all my high school classes with me for a week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dayton

Today, I'm seven months pregnant and going to college. I had to use the bathroom, but all of the bathrooms at my building were closed, so I had to walk to the next building, a block away. I didn't make it. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

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By dumbfriend - United States

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

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By tinypenis - United States - Jamaica

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

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By stopstutteringforSiri - United States

Today, I realized I'm so socially awkward that I can't even talk to Siri without stuttering. FML

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By seagull hater - United States - San Diego

Today, I left my sunroof on my truck open for 5 minutes while I ran into the bank. When I came out a seagull had gotten into my truck. I managed to open the doors and get it out but not before it tore up a seat and pooped everywhere inside my truck. FML

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By tj - United States

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

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By whydoihavecats - United Kingdom

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2021 00:56 - United States - Schertz

Hey y'all!

Today, a friend was over at my house. My dad walks over and talks to me; I respond. He then goes back in his room. My friend then says, "Don’t get self-conscious, but when you talk to your dad, your southern accent gets REALLY strong." Guess who's now self-conscious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

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By ocdeane - Germany - Mainz

Disgusting

Today, I noticed a disgusting, cheesy smell and spent all day wondering what it was. I later found out that it wasn't coming from my feet, but from my belly button. My surgery wound got infected. I'm a germaphobe. FML

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By Whoopsie - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

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By Snoodist

Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML

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By SickMaMa - United States - Cortland

Today, my daughter wasn't feeling well, so we allowed her to sleep in bed with us. She snuggled right up with my husband. I felt a little jealous until she turned around and cuddled with me, just long enough to throw up all over me. She then flipped back over and snuggled with her dad. FML

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By anon

Today, I was working at the hospital and it was very busy. Unthinking, I told a patient in a wheelchair to "sit tight" while I checked on something. He mocked me for the rest of his stay. FML

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By rj - United States

Today, I went to the dentist after 24 hours of severe tooth pain. They did an emergency root canal. After the anesthesia wore off, within minutes, the pain returned only worse than before. Called the dentist, I had to return, only to find they had done the root canal on the wrong tooth. FML

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By hahatofunny - United States - Pensacola

Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML

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By Ohgodhelpme

Today, my boyfriend bought me a vibrator for my birthday. Sounds sweet, right? Then he invited my 10/14-year-old cousins to our house. They surprised me in my room. While I was using it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

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By jreed509 - United States

Today, while riding a roller coaster I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough it somehow managed to survive and fell down my shirt. It crawled around and bit me a few times before the ride ended. FML

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By galladore - United States - Bensenville

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

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By Lorky - United States

There goes the neighborhood

Today, I received an email from the office of the apartment complex I moved into two months ago. Apparently, a woman a few apartments down from mine was murdered. Time to pack. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, after spending two weeks renovating my room and $1000 on paint and a new floor, my landlord told me that he's sold the house. Also, he was kind enough to inform me that unless I paint the walls back to white, I won't be getting my $500 deposit back. FML

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By Sadman - Canada

Today, my mother and girlfriend were joking around and talking about the embarrassing things I've done. After they'd had a lengthly conversation, my girlfriend mentions "And he always farts during sex." FML

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By Anonymous

My 21st birthday

Today, my parents took me to a bar to celebrate my 21st birthday. They brought my little brother, but when the bouncer wouldn't allow him in, they made me wait outside with him while they went in for drinks. FML

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Top comments

By Thisismypchere | 8

#4437893 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:29

Haha, she might have thought it was funny and or cute so it may not be that big of a deal. But FYL anyway.

By globetrottter | 3

#4437894 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:29

Way to show her your 'nerves of steel' :)

COMMENTS

By Thisismypchere | 8

#4437893 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:29

Haha, she might have thought it was funny and or cute so it may not be that big of a deal. But FYL anyway.

iNewKid | 18

#4437910 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:43

He is her hero on socks!

Ugi | 26

#4437918 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:48

Agreed - everyone jumps at a surprise like that. Sounds like it was a good opportunity to me.

Although I guess the girly shrieking is not exactly ideal.

ladyLALAA | 28

#4438142 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 15:50

I'm sure the girl was quiet startled by the noise too, I think it's kind of cute. Imagine telling your kids about the first time you met! Good luck getting the girl, OP!

nado13579 | 12

#4439490 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 23:00

Aww I think that's kinda cute. :)

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#4440706 - Wednesday 16 May 2012 3:41

I love this FML because Op used the word "nice" instead of "hott", or "sexy"

TheStoryOfWazza | 9

#4785619 - Wednesday 8 August 2012 1:05

Romantic.

By globetrottter | 3

#4437894 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:29

Way to show her your 'nerves of steel' :)

shayshayshazam | 14

#4438095 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 14:49

He was probably nervous talking to a pretty girl, and it made him twice as jumpy. But I'll definitely agree that it's an FML moment!

TheDrifter | 23

#4438123 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 15:26

If his nerves of steel failed, maybe she will be impressed by his buns of steel? He's down to either that or commendable pitch with his shriek to impress her.

Incredibly_Dope | 0

#4440236 - Wednesday 16 May 2012 1:35

Damn hooligans

By illoveyouu435 | 0

#4437896 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:30

That sucks, maybe if you see her again you can laugh about it together. Everyone deserves a second chance!

onlychildFTW | 33

#4439183 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 21:18

Hmm. It's normal to get startled. It's just not normal to jump into someone's lap

By syki | 22

#4437897 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 11:30

Well, guess that potential relationship went up in smoke.

wallandpiece | 16

#4438354 - Tuesday 15 May 2012 16:44

Not really. It was only some firecrackers.. I'm sure most people would jump if they exploded right behind them on a bus.. Although OP's reaction may have been slightly over the top.