Communication breakdown

By Jen - 20/03/2012 05:11 - United States - Woodland Hills

Spicy
Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML
I agree, your life sucks 34 832
You deserved it 7 249

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quit leaving it up 2 him....only u know what u like so tell him what he needs 2 do

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Orrr, she can do something about it.

Was it necessary to add the word "new" before boyfriend?

Yes, since it clarifies they haven't been together long, so it's not like they have been together years and she's been faking the whole time as on some past fml's

Time to get a "REAL" man that knows what he's doing, I feel sorry for both of you....

I hate when girls do this! Why can't OP just tell her boyfriend he can't make her climax? Then at least he could try harder! Who gives a shit if he gets hurt by it!

Or she could tell him what she likes. It's a much better option that faking an orgasm.

Doesn't matter. Had sex

83. Maybe he shouldn't try harder, but softer.

Yeah I agree 83. As much as somebody immature on here is likely going to make fun of me, I'm not afraid to admit that my fiancee never has orgasms during regular sex for some reason. I don't think it's cause either of us are necessarily doing something wrong, but she can only seem to hit it when she does it herself. I hate that I haven't been able to please her better, but I'm glad she's never faked it just so that I feel better. I'd feel a lot worse if I realized after some time that she'd been faking it over and over.

I'm with you there 104, I'd much rather be told when I'm not performing so I at least have a chance to adjust and improve my technique.

It's elementary my dear Watson?

Op you need to find the "heart" to tell him the truth or he never will give you one!! It's not kindness to lie like that - it's cowardice & it's screwed up.

I agree, 152, but it's hard when you're in that situation to be like "I know this is gonna be such a huge turnoff and you'll probably hate me for a while but you've never actually given me an orgasm and I've just been faking it all this time. Try harder?" It's much easier to keep quiet and not face any disappointment if, after you tell the truth, they don't really want to make the effort of giving you an orgasm.

#86 Your profile picture fits your comment perfectly.

Tell him or it will end badly or purly - besides it sucks not to have an orgazm.

It won't end badly! Not all relationships are about sex.

But they are about communicating openly, so yes, do tell him.

It will purely what?

It will purely what?

52, No need to jump on the prude bandwagon, nobody said the relationship would end. They were referring to the situation ending badly, for example spending her entire relationship never orgasming or the feelings he will feel when he finds out after some time that she has been faking. It's bad enough reading those annoying "sex isn't important" comments without them being completely redundant.

No, but all relationships are about communication, trust, and truthfulness, all of which she is ignoring.

Yeah you should teach him what feels good, so he can give you one. It'll make sex more enjoyable for you and him cause he will feel good about himself

Exactly. If you're having sex you should be able to openly talk about sex. Tell him what you like and what you don't like and as long as he isn't a minute man you not having an orgasm is as much on you as it is him

Aw, that's sad. Try sitting on top of a washing machine. Cherry bomb anyone?

Lots of foreplay, lots of women can't reach orgasm just through penetration.

Sometimes even that doesn't work, unless you have an almost perfect technique.

Spongebob puts it best, "Technique, technique!!!"

I, my friends have a Chode, therefore making it almost impossible to make woman orgasm with it. But fear not! For God himself gave us 10 fingers and a tongue did he not?

Mmmmmm.... Delicious

Hmmm 69 likes, if ya know what I mean ;)

quit leaving it up 2 him....only u know what u like so tell him what he needs 2 do

Only you can prevent forest fires.

Communication is key

Relationships are better with sexual honesty.

yeah..my bf has always satisfied me but if there's anything that either one of us is doing isn't satisfactory we always tell each other. if you never tell him he'll never know how to get you there

Aw, what a good girlfriend you are. Let him down easy.

no, good girlfriends make you feel like ron jeremy

Well your a nice person for considering his feelings.

...except they have no communication.

you don't know that she never said that

...except she 'doesn't have the heart to tell him' meaning she doesn't feel comfortable communicating her feelings to him.

6, that is one way of looking at it. Op should tell him the truth. She should tell him what he can do differently instead of faking it all of the time.

if you are a starfish then of course u wont have an orgasm.... btw before all the down votes and all the huh? starfish means she just lays there and does nothing

I've always heard it called a dead fish instead of starfish.

I've heard both used. Starfish seems more common in China (and I guess NZ too?) while dead fish seems preferred in Canada, the US and UK.

Or she could just be a real starfish. She'd probably have a hard time orgasming then too.

Put work in, get work out?

poor guy. if he's your *new* boyfriend, only a few times so far? he still has time to redeem himself

Don't tell him! There is all kinds of sex self help out there. Show him what you like and keep at it. Hope he gets to rockin the boat... If not, you decide how important that is to you.

I disagree. You should tell him, but don't tell him in a bitchy way. Tell him what you like or what will help you achieve one. If you dont you will have a crappy sex life with him.

I think showing him is the kind way to do it, you don't want to give him a complex...

I completely disagree. It's important that you keep lines of communication open for all aspects of your relationship. It doesn't set a good precedent if you guys just started dating and don't feel like you can be completely honest. Sit him down and let him know how you feel. Maybe try again, but this time walk him through how your feeling and what you like. It'll be better that way in the long run.

Although I agree with honesty and communication, but I do not agree with you suggesting the op to tell her bf about his incompetency. No guy likes to get his eagle bruised. Not telling him that he's been incompetent in bed is probably a good idea so in the long run he doesn't feel self conscious or inadequate during sex. The best way is to sit down and tell him what she likes and what not, and during sex she can also learn to use her words to let him know what is good for her. That's more of a turn on than anything for the guy in my experience as oppose to telling him he sucks even if you chose your words nicely to "let him down".

The boyfriend already feels inadequate, why else would he ask her this? The best thing for the OP to do is tell him, otherwise he won't get better. Guys can take constructive criticism, they're not going to curl up in a ball if you tell them they suck in bed especially if you are willing to help them get better.

Bruised eagle!?! LMAO But on a serious note, most therapists say it's better to tell a man what u like and show him what u want rather than tell him what he's doing wrong.

10 is kind of right...kind of. If you don't tell him but while in bed together start asking him to do different things to you, it would probably work better than letting him down in any capacity. Despite wording it in a kind way, he will immediately see it as a failure on his part. This could cause more problems than it solves. But it depends on the guy too..

Hahaha oopsssss I meant bruised ego!!! That's a fail on my part! This is why I should never multitask!

Take some control and teach him what you like. Every girl is different and maybe what worked for his prior girlfriend isn't your cup of tea. Help the guy out and it will be better for both of you.

I would have to agree. Even men aren't all the same when it comes to sex and foreplay. Everyone is different what works well for one, does not work well for all.

Who says she hasn't told him? He might just be really bad at it....

Says the slut who would know