Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible, so I spoke to my window, thinking she couldn't hear me, "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was driving and saw two hot girls on the sidewalk so I rolled down the window to whistle at them. However, I failed to notice that the car in front of me had stopped at a red light. I rear ended the car, the girls ran away laughing their asses off, and now I have to pay for the damage. FML
Today, I pulled up to a red light. My ex was in the next car, and my car's windows are so tinted that you can't see through them, so I flipped him off. I was driving my mom's car. FML
Today, I was driving along when I saw a hot girl walking. I decided to impress her by doing a 180 degree turn. Successfully pulling off my trick, I decided to back up so I could go the right way. Not looking behind, I backed up and smashed into a wall. FML
Today, I was in my car and a cute guy pulled up next to me. He looked at me and smiled, but in order to be cool, I pretended not to notice. I also pretended that I was listening to music and was completely absorbed in it, singing passionately. I wasn't even listening to music and my window was down. FML
Today, I was driving home and stopped at a light. A cute guy in the truck ahead of me waved me forward and told me to roll down my window. It was the first time a cute guy had talked to me in a while so I was pretty excited. He told me to turn my lights on. FML
Today, I was driving along, and went to spit out my window. My window was up. This happened in heavy traffic. People saw. FML
Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML
Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, while driving, I idly started picking my nose. I looked over at the car next to me and saw a smoking hot guy from my school staring at me in disgust. He kept staring until I took a turn-off. FML
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Top comments
Esperantist 0
This is where you point to your non-existent bluetooth headset on the side of your head facing away from her and say "Ha, this lady thought I was talking to her- Sorry Miss!"
Hgm09 0
So now, not only did you announce your inadequate penis size to this young woman, but you've managed to tell the rest of the world, too. I mean, it's not really a big deal, but you obviously care enough to be embarassed that she heard you. You're pretty dumb.
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Comments (91)
jaddy1294 0
wow at least you arent retarded or anything
zillia_fml 0
hahahahaha, u have a small one!!! why would u tell someone that? idiot
TBU1220 0
daamn u dumb as hell u dnt tell a bitch u gotta small dick thts madd funny though id be like baby i was on the phone but it aint like it sounds i swear haha
Kurabsence 0
You look like and sound like a retard... Tell me, is one of your hobbies slamming your skull into a wall? =0
smartalek 2
You sir, cannot spell. You also have below average grammar skills. Meaning below a toddler's average, of course. I know this is the internet, but make an effort to protect your own dignity.
Vinny66 0
Not an FML
marris 0
girls don't like it fast - so basically you told her you were a loser twice
rushgirl 6
I would like it fast
mariposa93 0
#1 is the right answer. And #35, I think we're talking about thrusting speed, not event speed here. In which case, you're wrong.
Burgundy 0
i thought the shit was funny as all hell
friedman_fml 0
its more funny than anything else
spiggle4 0
you cocky son of a bitch. ur awesome lol
wrestler_fml 0
#1, that's brilliant!!! I doubt i'd ever be either stupid (or "chauvinist pig" like the one person said) enough to actually say somethign like that, or something really embarrassing or stupid, especially in a car.... but if I'm ever caught in that situation, I'm definitely doing that! LOL