Conspiracy theorist and Love: Cocobananas

Cocobananas

By why... - 05/06/2012 17:21 - United States - East Orange

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 028

You deserved it 3 536

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 19:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 556

You deserved it 2 621

Survivor

By whyyy - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 894

You deserved it 2 676

By zombieguyswife - 28/06/2012 23:44 - United States - Branson

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 079

You deserved it 3 979

Midlife crisis in style

By Anonymous - 15/03/2022 14:00

Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 102

Survivalist

By John Johnson - 10/04/2022 02:00

Today, a friend moved into my new house. He was a great roommate years ago, but COVID seems to have driven him mad. He brought a huge stockpile of non-perishable food, and keeps talking about "fortifying" the house. He's trying to build a composting outhouse right now. Send help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 222

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 02:05 - United States

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 919

You deserved it 3 245

Dealing with it

By Anonymous - 26/03/2020 02:05

Today, my husband's idea of social isolation is to lock himself in his caravan with his Xbox, 200 cans of beer and a dozen takeaway menus. I’ve not seen him in 6 days, and when I tried to force entry to tell him to snap out of it, he sprayed disinfectant at me until I couldn’t breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 450

Lunch Special

By Luisa - 09/01/2020 01:00

Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 232

By ldrik1 - 11/06/2014 20:36 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 220

You deserved it 4 807

Extreme cooking

By oldmold - 23/07/2020 17:01

Today, my husband and I got into a huge argument. He called me wasteful for throwing out old food. He insisted that you can simply pick the mold off and the food was perfectly fine. He’s going to kill our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 217

ohcoolstorybro 14

Tuesday 5 June 2012 22:30

Miami zombie is real

PlaidPanda 9

Tuesday 5 June 2012 22:45

Because the cops shot the guy FIVE times before he went down, I'm guessing one of them was in the head.. Have you heard about the mother eating her baby, the dude eating his roommate, and there have been a few other ones out there too. I don't believe this is a "zombie pandemic" but some freaky shit is going on.

Comments

joeystar95 4

Wednesday 6 June 2012 4:44

Your husband seems fun but I get his worries, the Miami Zombie!

lovethycookies 0

Wednesday 6 June 2012 4:47

Well if zombies do come some good stuff to have 1.A bag of skittles.2.A sword (they dont need reloading)3.a gun.4some rope.5.alot of canned food.6.a bag of cookies.

laden_swallow09 34

Wednesday 6 June 2012 5:51

Swords need reloading. It's called a whetstone.

elmousey 5

Wednesday 6 June 2012 8:58

No no no! Skittles get you shot.

bacon_strip96 0

Wednesday 6 June 2012 5:03

Despite the fact that there's evidence of people eating other people all across the country. Just give it a bit and he'll get over it. Calm down, dudette.

Levvy 22

Wednesday 6 June 2012 21:06

Which is different from how it has been in every country at every other point in history how, exactly?

Devoo 7

Wednesday 6 June 2012 5:03

HOLY SHIT GET LEON AND CHRIS!

tereiscool 1

Wednesday 6 June 2012 5:11

Oh, tell him not to worry. That's only happening here in Miami Fl. -_-

kebell68 2

Wednesday 6 June 2012 5:14

Best. Husband. Ever.

hollykate 4

Wednesday 6 June 2012 5:22

Keveinn95 I agree 110% with you.but it doesn't matter how many times you tell people,some are too scared to believe so they push away and say it's "bullshit".whatever people think just be aware because even idiot don't believe us,just know scary shit is happening and getting worse everyday

THE_A_TEEN 27

Wednesday 6 June 2012 8:36

Oh please, tell us how not believing in a shadowing organization who controls much of the world from a secret location (presumably Denver international. Yes i know those conspiracies) means that we are scared of this "supposed" reality and try to push it away because of fear and denial? I would absolutely love to hear your reasoning.