Conspiracy theorist and Love: Cocobananas

Cocobananas

By why... - 05/06/2012 17:21 - United States - East Orange

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 19:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 556

You deserved it 2 621

Survivor

By whyyy - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 894

You deserved it 2 676

By zombieguyswife - 28/06/2012 23:44 - United States - Branson

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

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You deserved it 3 979

Midlife crisis in style

By Anonymous - 15/03/2022 14:00

Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 102

Survivalist

By John Johnson - 10/04/2022 02:00

Today, a friend moved into my new house. He was a great roommate years ago, but COVID seems to have driven him mad. He brought a huge stockpile of non-perishable food, and keeps talking about "fortifying" the house. He's trying to build a composting outhouse right now. Send help. FML

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You deserved it 222

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 02:05 - United States

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 919

You deserved it 3 245

Dealing with it

By Anonymous - 26/03/2020 02:05

Today, my husband's idea of social isolation is to lock himself in his caravan with his Xbox, 200 cans of beer and a dozen takeaway menus. I’ve not seen him in 6 days, and when I tried to force entry to tell him to snap out of it, he sprayed disinfectant at me until I couldn’t breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 450

Lunch Special

By Luisa - 09/01/2020 01:00

Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML

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You deserved it 232

By ldrik1 - 11/06/2014 20:36 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 220

You deserved it 4 807

Extreme cooking

By oldmold - 23/07/2020 17:01

Today, my husband and I got into a huge argument. He called me wasteful for throwing out old food. He insisted that you can simply pick the mold off and the food was perfectly fine. He’s going to kill our kids. FML

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You deserved it 217

ohcoolstorybro 14

Tuesday 5 June 2012 22:30

Miami zombie is real

PlaidPanda 9

Tuesday 5 June 2012 22:45

Because the cops shot the guy FIVE times before he went down, I'm guessing one of them was in the head.. Have you heard about the mother eating her baby, the dude eating his roommate, and there have been a few other ones out there too. I don't believe this is a "zombie pandemic" but some freaky shit is going on.

Comments

thelastavailable 13

Wednesday 6 June 2012 2:39

She must be married to CopperCab!

hairybuttgnome 0

Wednesday 6 June 2012 2:41

Dosent he know? Zombies break through ANYTHING in resident evil.. He'll need a damn good group of allies haha

WhyAmUHere 19

Wednesday 6 June 2012 2:46

Well, you can't say he's wrong. A man ate another man's face. And a woman ate her infant son's organs.

Levvy 22

Wednesday 6 June 2012 21:09

How do two stories constitute "cannibalism on the rise"? I could say that means it's declining. You need a number to compare it to. That's what rising, falling, or even staying the same means. You're comparing it to something. Sheesh. You know, when I was in preschool and they started drilling us the ideas of "more, less, and same", I didn't understand how anyone couldn't have already understood those concepts by then. Now I see there were kids who indeed didn't, and what sorts of adults they grow up into.

catharsis5 9

Wednesday 6 June 2012 2:47

As someone who talked to a few reporters, let me tell you something. Chances are that the amount of cannibalism in the nation is the same 3 months ago, a year ago, 5 years ago and now. The only difference is that it is sensationalized right now. In LA, it is known that not even half of the crimes in the city is reported in the LA times and other news outlets. That being said, a shelter is not a bad idea just in case.

COLDB3AR 6

Wednesday 6 June 2012 3:10

There are a lot of cannibalistic people in the recent media now a days, one story even says its a virus that makes you want human flesh. I'm not sure if that one is true or not, but some people have gotten really freaked out by it.

Cassandrax731 5

Wednesday 6 June 2012 3:11

Looks like your only bonding sessions are going to be watching Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead together. Romantic dates will be replaced with weapon training.