Today, I found my daughter punching her brother repeatedly. Apparently, he'd put the wrong fuel in her van so after 20 years of him being a moron, she decided to beat the stupid out of him. Thing is it’s worked; he’s too bruised and scared of her to do anything, period, just in case. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, I got home to my son with a bruised face and my daughter locked in her room. Apparently, when she got home from work, her unemployed brother asked her when she was going to cook dinner, so she punched him in the head. He’s so entitled that he actually thought he’d get sympathy from me. FML
Today, my daughter informed me that, in order to train the dumb out of her brother, she’s gonna slap him whenever he says or does something dumb. She’s slapped him 8 times already and unfortunately, each slap was justified. My boy is dumb as a box of rocks. Hope the slapping helps. FML
Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML
Today, my daughter had to deal with a Karen at her job, lost her temper, and punched her unconscious just to shut her up. Sounds like a good thing, right? Wrong, she pressed charges, got my daughter arrested, and she’s now facing years in prison for grievous bodily harm. FML
Today, my daughter’s stupid ass boyfriend tried to get “internet famous” by having her record videos of him handing $20 to random homeless people. What he wasn’t counting on was one of them kicking the ever loving shit outta both of them, snatching the money, and running off. Her nose is broken. FML
Today, my stepson punched a girl because she wouldn’t accept his apology about punching her last week, when she wouldn’t lend him her pen. At this point I’m convinced he will one day go to prison for murder during a bar brawl or wife beating, since he has a temper and only seems to hit girls. FML
Today, my wife and I had a huge fight that ended with her taking my son and going to her mother's. What happened? I caught him playing with the knobs on the GAS STOVE for the third time and spanked him for it. He's been told not to play with those many times already, and I'm scared he's gonna start a fire. FML
Today, my son warned me that unless I get his older brother to stop picking on him, he’d do it himself. I didn’t take it seriously, until I got home from work to find he'd had beaten his brother unconscious. His justification was that he's warned me he’d "do it himself.“ FML
Today, my wife put petrol in my diesel car and ruined the engine, I got a bit upset, but I wasn’t screaming or yelling or anything, but she flew completely off the handle at me at how I was putting all the blame on her and it wasn’t fair. I ended up apologising to her for her mistake. FML
Today, my son finally stood up to his bully and gave him a smashing that he damn well deserved. I’m desperate to tell him how proud I am, but my wife won’t let me because “we’re not raising a thug” and after 17 years of marriage, I’ve learned arguing with her is pointless. FML
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Top comments
HOT_THOT 8
you suck at parenting
Anderling 32
Putting the wrong fuel in a car and not calling AAA to come empty your fuel tank can literally brick the car, requiring the entire engine to be replaced. In this specific case, with the apparent context of 20 years’ worth of fuckups from your son requiring your daughter to clean up after him, I think one (1) outburst from her is justified.
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Comments (6)
HOT_THOT 8
you suck at parenting
Hangryko 31
Like father, like son.
Anderling 32
Putting the wrong fuel in a car and not calling AAA to come empty your fuel tank can literally brick the car, requiring the entire engine to be replaced. In this specific case, with the apparent context of 20 years’ worth of fuckups from your son requiring your daughter to clean up after him, I think one (1) outburst from her is justified.
JasonThorn 21
The only way I can see this being valid would be putting diesel gas in a vehicle that runs on unleaded, or vice-versa. If so, and he's been this consistently stupid for 20 years, then why did she trust him with a vehicle in the first place?
Anderling 32
I kinda figured that son just took the car without permission *and* messed it up given how upset daughter was.
JasonThorn 21
Something I didn't consider. She needs a lockbox for her keys, as annoying as that can be.
tiptoppc 19
I’d make an exception just for this case. The brother may be headed to earning a Darwin award too!
Charlie Given 26
Since it seems that you've never had him checked out medically or psychologically, I highly doubt that he's a moron, more likely that he has a developmental disability or is on the autistic spectrum but he could also be suffering from severe anxiety 🤷♂️ maybe it's time you got him some help instead of chastising him.
tiptoppc 19
Stop using as a damn crutch. I’m an aspie, with friends also aspie, and this is just plain carelessness. Using that as a crutch for this is appalling and you should stop excusing this behavior as if they can’t do anything about. If he knew enough how to drive the car, he knows how to read a manual, or even dash of car. They list the fuel on it like “unleaded fuel only” or whatnot. If the kid can drive, he should be able to gas it up.
Taurus_ChicKa 36
And she didn't put gas in her own car why? And if she knew her brother was a moron, as she asserts, why would she trust him with her car in the first place?