Intimacy: Classic

Classic

By Dirtyswede - 17/06/2009 14:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this Swedish girl I'd met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if I could ejaculate on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 065

You deserved it 22 843

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Same thing different taste

By SwedishBozo - 15/03/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 885

You deserved it 326 521

You Muppet!

By Branski - 29/07/2011 00:27 - United States

Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounded a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 749

You deserved it 6 998

The ex from hell

By welpwelpwelp - 08/07/2015 17:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 980

You deserved it 1 954

By lostforwords - 06/08/2011 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 075

You deserved it 6 299

Tommy Liseau

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 612

By needurlove - 15/04/2012 06:49 - United States - Sandpoint

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 018

You deserved it 48 116

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 19:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror, and she quickly excused herself. She was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 556

You deserved it 2 527

Careless Whisper

By ihatejasonderulo - 02/09/2014 15:32 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 663

You deserved it 9 961

Exchanged

By jadkins - 06/07/2009 19:33 - Netherlands

Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of two years called and proposed to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 842

You deserved it 22 215

Shutdown

By HighasaCloud - 30/04/2012 16:01 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 941

You deserved it 2 538

Loony_fml 4

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:11

This is the oldest trick in the book. You should know better than to trust any friend to translate stuff for you to impress a girl. You deserved it.

tukker 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:07

Gott lära av andras fel, eftersom man inte hinner begå alla själv.

Comments

jncwmnd 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 1:40

lol #27, that pollo frito post made me LMAO. I don't know a lot of spanish, but I sure know enough to know pollo means chicken never trust friends ^_^ hahahha! ydi

anonymous_user 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 1:53

you couldnt hav looked it up online just to make sure?

lmmmr 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 1:54

Totally deserve it.

Nakedsquirrel 5

Thursday 18 June 2009 2:03

Kukjävel! Oh, and pollo frito to this FML =P

romeovilleanyone 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 2:34

thats soo hot... would love for u to use a line like that on me babaaay! haha

Southbark 1

Thursday 18 June 2009 2:38

But even if they were the right lines, how would you know what she responds with, or what to say after that? (Unless she speaks English, in which case you shoulda just spoke English to her...)

AmyBeth 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 3:05

Umm yeah there is such thing as online translators and i would have checked them first! ydi

NoMercy_fml 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 3:16

If I was chick; that's all you would need to say to get me out of my pants. But maybe I'm just easy

shmaller 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 3:21

Marry me?

jnic 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 3:34

Why would you make an effort to introduce yourself to someone in their first language when you know they can EASILY speak your language and it would be a lot less awkward and confusing? That's kind of condescending.

ohhhhshizzz 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 8:19

Because it's nicer? A lot of people can learn English, but it takes a lot to atleast attempt to learn some parts of a language. Duh?

chea_chea 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 3:39

Should have double checked what he told you on the internet before saying it. Those are the kind of set-ups you can see from a mile away. But like 41 said, if she speaks english, why not talk to her in english? Even if it was something nice, she'd likely try and carry on a conversation in swedish and you'd end up looking dumb and ruin the whole idea (which was kinda crappy to begin with, sorry :P )