Intimacy: Classic

Classic

By Dirtyswede - 17/06/2009 14:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this Swedish girl I'd met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if I could ejaculate on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 065

You deserved it 22 843

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

By SwedishBozo - 15/03/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 885

You deserved it 326 521

You Muppet!

By Branski - 29/07/2011 00:27 - United States

Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounded a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 749

You deserved it 6 998

The ex from hell

By welpwelpwelp - 08/07/2015 17:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 980

You deserved it 1 954

By lostforwords - 06/08/2011 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 075

You deserved it 6 299

Tommy Liseau

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 612

By needurlove - 15/04/2012 06:49 - United States - Sandpoint

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 018

You deserved it 48 116

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 19:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror, and she quickly excused herself. She was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 556

You deserved it 2 527

Careless Whisper

By ihatejasonderulo - 02/09/2014 15:32 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 663

You deserved it 9 961

Exchanged

By jadkins - 06/07/2009 19:33 - Netherlands

Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of two years called and proposed to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 842

You deserved it 22 215

Shutdown

By HighasaCloud - 30/04/2012 16:01 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 941

You deserved it 2 538

Loony_fml 4

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:11

This is the oldest trick in the book. You should know better than to trust any friend to translate stuff for you to impress a girl. You deserved it.

tukker 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:07

Gott lära av andras fel, eftersom man inte hinner begå alla själv.

Comments

sheheartsthings 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 3:40

YDI for not asking what it meant. And if you did and he told you it meant something else, then YDI still for not making sure.

rick_rock 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 5:00

How is this dude supposed to check what his friend told him? Do you know how to spell in Swedish? More that half the posters here can't even spell in English! FYL man. Holler at her en ingles.

virgo_2220 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 4:56

this is why you google translator! and dont trust soo easily what people tell you this is actually quite holarious!!

gonzi_fml 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 7:07

exactly what I was thinking =P. the friend's a genius though, I've done that before with my friends. It's hilarious

greenltrn2003 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 5:45

why the **** does everyone here speak SWEDISH!?! plus there was nothing wrong wit the 1st thing...wishing the devil on her was the killer :-

jmoose311 3

Thursday 18 June 2009 5:51

Any moron would've Googled a translation first. Serves you right. YDI

Cycaarj 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 6:21

There's always going to be that token guy friend that's going to ruin it all for you with a girl. Even if it involves foreign languages ;p Yeah. Translate your stuff before you decide to put it into practice.

AnotherStranger2 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 6:27

NEVER. TRUST. FRIENDS. OR. RELATIVES. WITH. SEXY. TRANSLATIONS. NEEEEEEEEEVER. YDI.

0neiros 14

Thursday 18 June 2009 6:51

What kind of friends do you people here have? My friends wouldn't pull shit like that, I have their back, they have mine.. I'd take Mr. Ex-Friend and Pound his face til it looked like Raw Burger.

samgo27 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 6:52

hahaha. YDI for completely trustin you friend on this one, but also FYL.

esassd 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 7:36

Youu should have bought her some sweetish fish from Walmart ($1.59) And made her some sweetish donut holes (from food network) Use your brain you duish bag!