Smoking, Fight and Miscellaneous: Cassius

Cassius

By Noname - 11/03/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 449

You deserved it 9 469

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Same thing different taste

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 803

You deserved it 4 714

Stealth

By Andy - 18/11/2008 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 548

You deserved it 26 112

By Harry - 10/06/2014 01:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 498

You deserved it 3 878

By Ouch - 10/04/2011 08:55 - Canada

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 900

You deserved it 30 721

By Anonymous - 11/01/2018 19:00

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 919

You deserved it 664

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 628

You deserved it 32 840

Make it stop!

By DBR - 23/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 893

You deserved it 11 463

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 309

You deserved it 9 827

By Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 646

You deserved it 4 120

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 627

You deserved it 34 411

Tarion 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:15

You have an awesome dad. Be proud of that. Be a little ashamed that he made you his bitch though.

Tri_fml 5

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:13

Well at least you know your dad ain't a bitch :d

Comments

Tenantry 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:55

Might want to thinking about quiting?

ubbernoob 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 17:00

my dad told me to never come in at night. . . because if he thought he heard someone breaking in he would just shoot first and ask questions later.

dang_fml 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 17:37

LOL! sucks for you

TheKitchenSink 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 18:37

You can sue, you know

Dratichu 13

Tuesday 11 August 2015 15:43

Because suing your dad is a great idea

JustAGirl_fml 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 18:43

Better his fist than a gun, like some other tragic stories.

Easy_Target 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 19:00

"Nice lawsuit, huh, dad?"

KT33 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 19:20

Stop suggesting that people sue for EVERYTHING. This is certainly not worthy of a lawsuit...

OhHai 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 19:29

Just about anyone can knock someone out when theyre not paying attention and you can hit them as hard as you want...So everyone who says "OWNDED LO L U G0t KNOcked OUT1!11" are all idiots.

vampyr8 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 19:41

Lmao. I'm sorry that this happened to you, but it would in fact appear that smoking kills in more ways than one.

vampyr8 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 19:45

It's amazing how many people can't laugh at their own (or other's - as the case may be) stupidity, and would instead say, "Sue them" "I'd sue" etc. It's retarded. Seriously, people, ever wonder why American's are considered so amazingly stupid to pretty much everyone else in the world? Plus, he's the FATHER. What good would come of tearing the family apart over a cigarette by involving a law suit? This is FML - people don't post on here to hear that "you should sue." Grow up.