Braggadocious
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML
Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by getting his mum to message me on Facebook. I got the message while I was packing for an overseas trip to visit him. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML
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Top comments
ImFrackinBored 13
...Well my question is: how many people liked it?
lekiat 0
well that blows
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Comments (160)
digitalcadenza 7
were you any good?
Xaviour 0
well that sucks...
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Lol. This really surprises you why? Everything ends up on Facebook eventually.
DynamicDave 11
So why are you angry with him?
baddud300 6
Did anyone "like" it?
garrettsgirl 0
I agree with 53 change your status maybe that will show him
agentx52 13
53 is 100% right
CruelHumor 0
that's why u first blow then date. I bet if u did it more often he won't be posting it on fb. so ydi
CruelHumor 0
that's why u first blow then u date. I bet if u had done it more often that wouldnt happen. so ydi
theaws0m3guy 4
^ You're a douchebag...
dolphincheddar 10
well, it's Facebook official!
Trupe 3
Why are you angry with him? If you know him well enough to suck his dick, you should know him well enough to know he'd be one to tell people....
Sooper_Trooper 0
I can understand why you would be so upset if he posted a video of said *******. But if he only posted it as his status, it's not a big deal. Grow up.
dre_bro11 12
122, if, sometime in the future, OP is looking for a job, an employer can just type her name into Facebook and did out all of this stuff. And that's just one reason OP should be mad.
Iamnotmyself 17
127 she can untag herself, and if a boss doesn't hire you because you gave your boyfriend head you shouldn't work for that asshole
dre_bro11 12
true, but it sets a bad example. and it's other things as well like pictures and stuff.
Iamnotmyself 17
It was only a post, besides with google plus friend circles it will be awesome
jacob12311 4
you preach the truth
Alex94xela 0
obviously her boyfriend just experienced the best ******* ever so he had to post it on facebook.
juicedboi 7
Why is everyone saying change your status, as if that means anything. Start a group and call it "Blowing small penises isn't fun". Now THAT will be better than a stupid status update. Then again not using facebook at all and talking to him might also work or whatever.
DesB 7
To get back at him you should post on Facebook that he finally let you put a ***** in his ass bet he won't like that very much :)
AirForce48 2
He was probably so excited that it happened he had to let people know but I can understand how that makes OP mad
KS9 7
haha literally, huh? :D
goober426 7
bwahahahahaha hilarious!
gdcoll01 2
that might help get a job who doesn't want an female employee that can give good head
a_nutritionist 10
@127 first of all, no employer should be allowed to judge a potential candidate by what theyve done in their free time in the past and second, its very easy to make sure no potential employers ever see it. its called privacy settings and deleting posts.
TheStoryOfUs 0
very true
idontcare8l 3
this comenter " likes " your boyfriends status
juicedboi 7
That blows.. had to say it.
Haha_no_123 11
Actually there are people who's job is finding everything you've ever posted on Facebook even after you've "deleted" it. It's easy if you're a computer geek cause everything (even if "deleted") stays in Facebook's storage space so.... The employer can still find the post
ImFrackinBored 13
...Well my question is: how many people liked it?
metalhead5564 0
Just thought I'd say that you like all the same music as I do :D
Jammy01jams 2
47 - So do I, was it necessary to say so? No.
alexg823 0
Your music is shit.
my_usagi 0
haha
bballforward33 10
u look like a girl
iluffmcrandbvb 1
68- you don't even know our music, so back the **** off.
commietaco 0
please, refer to it as yelling with a guitar and drum player with turrets in the background.
dolphincheddar 10
it's not music, its depressed emo people yelling and hitting stuff
CitrusGirl 0
I'd like to hear what you think is good music since you seem to think your opinion is the best. I don't love metal, but I can see that a lot of the bands are talented, even if I don't like their music myself.
FFPulley 9
u don't have to like our music but why do you feel like you must put it down? to each there own. if you don't like then **** off and go listen to lady gaga
ibitehard 9
Ok so we listen to "depressed emo people yelling and hitting stuff" as you call it, and what do you listen to? Probably the crap on the radio that repeats one line 75 times. Yeah that's what I thought, out music has meaning, yours is made mostly just for profit
howslife123 0
(just me butting in here) I like some of those Bands because they're classic (guns and roses
LexRB 0
your a ******* retard, your music has no meaning other then emo messages about cutting yourself. and there is a ton of other music other then radio crap like rock n roll. country, jazz so **** off
jacob12311 4
129 who are you to say we listen to what's on the radio there are other music types other than constant bass lines and screaming with "teretts" guitarists
FFPulley 9
really?? it's all about cutting yourself? do tell me more, since you seem so well versed in these particular genres of music
Beebow_fml 5
I see a bunch of pissed off teens whining about whose music is better and that mainstream is cool. Also, to that person who said something about radio music repeating lines: I hear your stupid A7X shit screaming "just another way to die" a hundred times on the radio.
howslife123 0
I don't think we should be giving anyone a hard time because while you're saying "screamo is pointless and the lyrics suck" guess what ? they're saying the same thing :/ I don't like pop or rock , so I agree with both sides. and lots if emo music isn't about cutting yourself, and there are some pop singers who don't sing for a profit !!!
jacob12311 4
huh I'm not particular in "punk" or "screemo" or whatever the hell they call it now
CitrusGirl 0
There are musians in every genre that are only in it for profit, but you shouldn't condemn a whole genre. I love bands like Guns n Roses, but I really don't like Attack Attack. That doesn't mean I have to go after fans of that band. I'm with the metal lovers on this one because for no reason people started attacking their music, and they have every right to defend themselves. There also is some music on the radio that has good lyrics: Florence + the Machine, or Mumford and Sons, for example
Hi_I_am_Q 0
Who the **** cares about which music you guys like?
jacob12311 4
you contradicting bastard
Alex94xela 0
lol kids and their mainstream shit. I'd rather listen to some a7x shit and 3dg shit than listen to some kids rapping about Boats and Hoes and what ever people rap about these days.
howslife123 0
I love Florence + the machine and that's a really good point , why DID everyone start attacking the 'metal lovers' ?
jacob12311 4
oh I'm 151 I'm not going to bash on anyone's music and blah blah but Im with the people who live metal because I dont like the other music, wwwoooowwwww that made so much sense!!!!!!!!!
Fakeddd 0
I listen to Blues. Real music, with heart and soul. Bands that just come on a stage. bang their heads and cry... not real music. sorry.
Alex94xela 0
Dude you're retarded she doesn't like metal but is on our side because you guys attacked our music and we are just defending it. L2read
ThreeSheetsGone 12
"Another Way to Die" would be Disturbed, not A7X. People will like what appeals to them. Texas country appeals to me, but you don't see me saying that all other music is shit. If you're going to argue to make a point, do us all a favor and think before your fingers start working the keyboard.
docscientist 10
All music sucks in the face of the Olsen twins sing-a-long songs.
stacianichole 2
*tourette's
PutItIn 8
This dude makes a comment about the fml then it is an argument over music and there r good emo bands rock bands maybe pop singers rappers like Eminem and what not
Ikura 4
And this is why I listen to 40's. Good sounds and talent. Talent died in the 90's, almost everything made in the last decade is absolute rubbish.
CitrusGirl 0
I won't lie, I don't like metal that much. I do like a few bands, namely Foo Fighters, Powerglove and A7X. No, I'm not just another fan kid that only likes "Welcome to the Family" and "Danger Line." My favorite song by them is "Fiction." Anyone who says A7x sucks hasn't heard that beautiful, haunting song.
Ikura 4
And this is why I listen to 40's. Good sounds and talent. Talent died in the 90's, almost everything made in the last decade is absolute rubbish.
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Unholy Confessions, Chapter IV, and Eternal Rest are the best A7X songs ever
ariannaa_fml 17
bahahahaha why are you guys fighting over music preference??? it doesn't matter if the stupid shit next to you like the same music as you or not for all you know they could be some ped that lives on the other side of the world.
proxxX069069 7
^ you're a feisty one. I like. :]
bentleysdad11611 0
you sir ... just won !
NikkiFlysKites 8
You're all arguing over music on a post about blow jobs. The worst part is that the same thing is being said. If you're going to argue at least make it a good one and actually give reasons other than "it sucks". People get worked up over the stupidest shit.
iAmScrubs 19
I came here for FML, not MTV.
BIEBERSLAYER 10
screamo is good emo music is a different genre and if you can't deal with that just burn your eardrums out with bieber because don't deserve to listen to music.
docscientist 10
Screamo and Justin bieber are closely related in the animal kingdom. Those aren't the only two options. For instance, I listen to The Black Keys, My Morning Jacket, Yeasayers, Mark Lanegan, Portugal. The Man, etc. They have nothing to do with the radio or screamo.
ImFrackinBored 13
Everyone chill the **** out about music. Like the type that you like, i hate rap, but i dont constantly rip on people because they do. I just go oh okay... And i continue on with my day...
ImFrackinBored 13
Exactly Citrus... I like a lot of music... When people hear TDWP, they get all worked up and go "SCREAMO!" i have the song Louder Than Thunder... which is just as awesome as any other one of their songs.... Same goes for fiction, dear god or victim by A7X....
Junior831 1
fagg
jdimaria3 13
jacob youre a ******* fatass if you dont like metal them go somewhere else and stop pissing people off. I hate how everyone is really stereotypical towards metal. it's always, "metal is emo and for emos." or, "oh they're just yelling I can't understand what they're saying so it must be emo." seriously, shut the **** up. a7x and bfmv ftw
iSackismexy 0
69 people
Kryson53 0
^ facepalm*
jimboner69 6
she was angry because he said geting head from my girlfriend then commented below it why doesn't Facebook have a dislike button
therealjb99 7
u seem cute.
glenzhao2 16
u seem desperate
ohlalala_fml 0
facebook does have a dislike button. only if u use firefox and download the plug in
XxIVIODZxX 6
His mom
rina_ily3 4
^Your cuteee!
trivel64 16
I've never seen a more thumbed-up comment in my life.
lekiat 0
well that blows
ImFrackinBored 13
Well... that was punny...
cc_the_beast 6
Ha ha! Is funny cuz she give ********!
Javalounge 0
#8, your post just ruined it
FMLidiot 12
I see you've visited my hometown
eddieyes 0
boring ass response, have some creativity
rdvfyubuyg 1
lol i agree
Ieatpeople1984 0
#8 was doing a family guy thing but you guys ruined it not him/her
comepoopwithme 0
my mind!
heylesha 8
3- i see what u did there!
jacob12311 4
cause she give ********?? I think it's past tense gave unless she is giving you head right now
TheJester12 15
what's funny is when you take # 8's response and say it in a borat voice
stuart169 3
#3, literally! It does blow!
sydneyaval 9
Okay STUART if u say so.
JaZZyDaDDyJ612 0
Haha nice choice of words
KennKenn 0
If I was his friend. I would have liked the status.
volleyball332 0
ya but you aren't her friend
DaDezza244 31
56- that is why he said 'IF'
SavySituation 0
Lmao, What Did The Post Say?
NomOnShroomz 14
A video captioned: "My sexy gf swallows".
lmfaoooooooooo 4
it was something like this "awwww yea I got head yea swagg #winning" I could be wrong though
ProhibitionRose 14
nonsense I see people using the # on Facebook.
broomhildo 19
Because no one uses hashtags on Facebook or any other non twitter site! Strictly the use of twitter only, of course.
Ebony101 0
how rude.....you should threaten him that u won't give him another ******* for a while....
RomanCatMama 16
sure just look at her username :L
DjeePee 25
If he doesn't know that, he's a plain idiot. Simple as that. He's way too immature to have Facebook or to be on the internet anyways.
DjeePee 25
That was a reply to 33.
yellowboy30 0
please let put in your mouth
daBeast155 0
he's just a squirle trying to get a nut
ThreeSheetsGone 12
But he's a koala
12dcevin 5
to immature for a facebook?!? facebook?! there is bitches on there complaining about everything and bitching about things it was made for people like her boyfriend
proxxX069069 7
everything ends up on Facebook, trust me. I've had some bad experiences. lol
Rwcrazy 0
Why ebony101, just wondering
Ebony101 0
thats my username I have used for ages, only one that wasn't taken at the time....
lilly25001 7
ages huh?
dagray40 7
it ain't no fun if the Facebook users can't have none
tacocannon99 5
I can imagine him singing to the toon of akon I just had sex. I JUST GOT HEEEEAAAADD AND IT FELT SI GOOOOOD
AllTiimeLow 1
lol
ogthug24 4
sometimes ur so happy u got some head..u just gotta share it wit people
Complaining 13
Tell him it's personal and you would prefer if the whole world didn't know.
gigglehead 4
Exactly. He may not know that he crossed the personal privacy boundary unless you tell him.
JRBradley 9
lame
gogreen8856 0
if he doesn't know how to keep ya personal info to himself, then he's not mature enough
OneBigMessUp 5
are you angry because he said you arent any good at it?
Foamy980 0
Haha. :)
philip1guthrie 4
are u good at it
OneBigMessUp 5
no one else seemed to like my comment lol :L
Foamy980 0
Cause they don't understand how nasty a ******** is and how she deseverd it. A penis isn't supposed to go down your mouth. Girls have a ****** for a reason! Damn.
OneBigMessUp 5
I agree with you!
savanh_fml 0
some girls suck at sex so why not get head instead:-P