Today, I had to explain to my mom that the phrase "turn me on" does NOT mean "make me happy." At least not in the context she was using it. She was adamant that her definition was the correct one. I'm not sure I've convinced her what it actually means. Send help. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was trying to explain to my mother-in-law how I hated the way my father-in-law talks to me, the tone he uses. She thought I was attacking him and got mad at me. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML
Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML
Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 65-year-old mother that it is inappropriate for her to walk around in front of me in her underwear. Her response? "Too bad." FML
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Top comments
Thaylok 17
Been there. My brother traded cars with my mom. The car had a sticker on window saying, "Remember my name, You'll be screaming it later". Mom loved it because she thought it meant her driving caused road rage. Ummmmm...Nope!!
RichardPencil 32
How can I help? Shall I send her a vibrator and some links to some hot DILF **** sites?
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Comments (3)
Plop 17
Help for what? Turning your mom on?
RichardPencil 32
How can I help? Shall I send her a vibrator and some links to some hot DILF **** sites?
Plop 17
Wouldn't it make more sense to send her MILF ****, so that she can fantasize about hooking up with some hot 20-something boy-toy?
RichardPencil 32
You can do that. She probably needs all the help she can get.
Thaylok 17
Been there. My brother traded cars with my mom. The car had a sticker on window saying, "Remember my name, You'll be screaming it later". Mom loved it because she thought it meant her driving caused road rage. Ummmmm...Nope!!