By Jerry - 4/1/2021 10:58

Best thing to do

Today, I walked in on my wife and my buddy from work. They didn’t even stop. I just went to a motel to get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1445

149

Sex

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Scoville scale

Give me my drugs!

Indebted without work

Today, my husband has to quit his job. 5 months ago, we paid a deposit on a section for our brand new house and the title and mortgage need to be finalized next week. His work is forcing him out because he wanted to do his job safely and to a high standard of workmanship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1945

You deserved it

172

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a pregnant woman fall off her moped. As I helped her back up, I asked if her baby was okay. I was then blindsided by her brick of a purse while she screeched, "I'm not pregnant!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33566

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14620

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By safariboo - United States

Today, I returned home to my girlfriend after being away for 6 weeks of work. I decided to take a shower and change before having a nice dinner with her. Without looking I grabbed a random pair of jeans from my closet to put on. They were Levis. I don't own or wear any Levis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39564

You deserved it

2951

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By sad_gay - United States

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

108029

You deserved it

16936

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By poop - United States

Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42543

You deserved it

19467

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By SnowyConcussion - United States

Today, after spending the past 4 days asking both my husband and my father-in-law to salt our sidewalk, I slipped on the ice. I hit my head on our concrete stairs. While holding ice on my head, my father-in-law pats my head and says "I'll go get some salt." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27834

You deserved it

8997

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By mothtal - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27446

You deserved it

2247

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32227

You deserved it

7194

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By VladyBoi - United States

Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42167

You deserved it

5709

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By Oops

Today, I submitted some honest negative feedback to the customer service team of all my favourite games, Today is also the day all my accounts got permanently banned from my console and I have lost all my progress. Bye bye 22 years. FML

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2707

You deserved it

929

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By JG - United States - Melbourne

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29295

You deserved it

4182

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By Marco - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20962

You deserved it

45395

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By Lady of Sorrows - United States

Today, I just went to the bathroom and someone thought I was a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23965

You deserved it

3284

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By onefishtwofishes - United States - Washington

Today, the communications expert I'm forced to work with added the line "as they can catch bigger fishes" to a film script. She does not believe me when I tell her that the plural of fish is "fish." This idiot not only has the final word, she makes twice what I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39812

You deserved it

4437

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By BW - United States

Today, I woke up on the coldest morning of the year to discover that the gas fireplace has run out of propane, and there is no water because the pipes are frozen. While trying to locate the frozen pipe, I forgot to let the dog out, and she peed on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29008

You deserved it

5457

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 22:01 - United Kingdom - Runcorn

Vicious bastards

Today, I decided to go for a jog to try and get fit. I definitely got my exercise in, because I was mercilessly chased by a goose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

804

You deserved it

121

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my soon to be 12 year old daughter's birthday. On my break at work I texted her how much I loved her and happy birthday. She replied with, "K, when will you be home? Mom won't let me open presents until you're here." Good to know I'm loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32716

You deserved it

5063

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML

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25098

You deserved it

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By human

Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML

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1455

You deserved it

219

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By IamTheSalt

Today, I got my grades back. They were all 98's and 99's with also a 104 (extra-credit). I got refused from entering an honors club, because it's "impossible to get above a hundred in a math class". I even got investigated for cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6019

You deserved it

367

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2020 20:01

How's the diet going?

Today, I bought 3 buckets of expensive low-calorie ice cream because it was on sale, only to discover it tastes rather awful. I thought I liked that stuff… Oh, I remember now, I did like it… After mixing it with lots of chocolate spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks

579

You deserved it

1137

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By - France

Today, I drank a beer that I thought was mine, it wasn't and someone had put out their cigarette in it. FML

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27441

You deserved it

11848

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By oww

Trust

Today, I told my boyfriend we should avoid the local walking trail after I got followed by a homeless man. He assured me we’d be fine and the guy wouldn’t approach me as long as I had a man with me. Wrong. We both got beat up and robbed by said homeless man. FML

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2056

You deserved it

320

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By Anonymous - Canada - Concord

Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML

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13094

You deserved it

1552

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2020 20:00

Creepy

Today, one week after moving into my new apartment in a new city to get away from my stalker ex, I met my new neighbour. Yep, stalker ex. FML

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1738

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard "you may now kiss the bride" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76864

You deserved it

4445

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By doggone - United States - King Of Prussia

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20874

You deserved it

34598

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

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27983

You deserved it

4198

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 02:03

Bambi 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, I came downstairs to find that our dog's six puppies, who have their own puppy-door to go outside whenever they want, had peed and pooped all over the floor, walked through the pee, and were now happily chewing on a half-rotten deer's head which they had dragged inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

828

You deserved it

263

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By ???? - United States

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29831

You deserved it

6655

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By Anonymous - United States - Marinette

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23529

You deserved it

7497

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61330

You deserved it

3573

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By Anonymous - United States - Rochester

Today, I spent over an hour shovelling the walkway and driveway, snow blowing in my face and down my coat. When I was finally finished, a guy started going through the neighborhood plowing everyone's driveways for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27395

You deserved it

2959

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By saraleerocha - France

Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one moved. I finally looked over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40762

You deserved it

14274

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By Anonymous

My alarm

Today, yet again, I woke up at the sound of my parents having sex like apes, and couldn't get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1863

You deserved it

218

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38219

You deserved it

16273

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By Sean - United States

Today, I went to my insurance company to deal with some paperwork. One of their employees backed into my car before I made it into the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45773

You deserved it

2988

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By Laila - United States

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39457

You deserved it

5208

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By dusk - United States

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36950

You deserved it

4224

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By Sierra Madre

Time for an intervention

Today, I got yelled at all day at work, only to come home and get yelled at by my husband. FML

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1627

You deserved it

160

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Top comments

By Chazzster | 20

#7962147 - Monday 4 January 2021 18:30

The magic word is “divorce”. Do it.

By FireS Pitt In kitten | 2

#7962195 - Monday 4 January 2021 20:46

we need a follow-up. did u whoop his ass? did u cuss her ass out? what happened?

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7962099 - Monday 4 January 2021 12:38

How rude!

They didn't even ask you to join in for a threesome? People these days!

By Chazzster | 20

#7962147 - Monday 4 January 2021 18:30

The magic word is “divorce”. Do it.

coius | 23

#7962155 - Monday 4 January 2021 19:22

Get evidence so he can screw her back in court like she screwed him in front of his face.

By FireS Pitt In kitten | 2

#7962195 - Monday 4 January 2021 20:46

we need a follow-up. did u whoop his ass? did u cuss her ass out? what happened?

By Seth Dickson | 3

#7962217 - Monday 4 January 2021 23:23

You just allowed that? Speak up for yourself! Go to court, sell the house and move on

By OrySoma | 9

#7962252 - Tuesday 5 January 2021 5:08

that's so pathetic that i can't even feel bad for you

By ghostinflames | 13

#7962275 - Tuesday 5 January 2021 8:37

Better go to the DMV and divorce her name from the car titles too.

By Magnit0 | 9

#7964859 - Saturday 16 January 2021 18:04

they didn't even bother to stop for you and you didn't disappoint them and left peaceful.