Today, I walked in on my wife bouncing up and down on my brother’s lap. She proceeded to throw a tantrum, crying that it was “my fault” for coming home unannounced and ruining everything. She then stormed off into our room. My brother just sheepishly pulled his pants up and left our house. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
Today, what should have been a nice family dinner ended with my wife standing over me, staring me dead in the eyes, while endlessly repeating, “Get him out of my house, get him out of my house…” until I agreed to take my drunk brother to a hotel to sleep it off. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting busy on the living room couch when my mother-in-law stopped by and let herself in with a key we didn’t know she had. She then demanded an apology like it was all our fault and stormed out. I still don’t know why she came by. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML
Today, I visited my brother and found him with his head up his wife’s shirt. Her explanation was he’d had a bad day so she was making it better. It really drove home how shit my marriage is. My wife hasn’t let me touch her in months and wouldn’t care if I’d had a bad day, even if I told her. FML
Today, my brother asked his wife for a divorce, but she got so mad at him that he backtracked and told her it was a prank I'd put him up to. She’s still mad as hell at him, but thanks to his lie my name is now mud in our entire family. I was at work all day, and I did nothing wrong. FML
Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML
Today, I walked in on my brother slipping into a pair of panties. Specifically, a pair of my panties. FML
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
This holiday season, it's time to deck the halls and deck your brother. The low-life son of a bitch has it coming. Then drag your wife through the courts and her name through the mud. Humiliate them both.
Vesi 30
Agreed *except* deserved or not, do NOT ever get physical. That could just land OP in jail. Best to put them both out of his life and find happiness and loyalty elsewhere.
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Comments (4)
BurnInDemonFire 39
This holiday season, it's time to deck the halls and deck your brother. The low-life son of a bitch has it coming. Then drag your wife through the courts and her name through the mud. Humiliate them both.
Vesi 30
Agreed *except* deserved or not, do NOT ever get physical. That could just land OP in jail. Best to put them both out of his life and find happiness and loyalty elsewhere.
BurnInDemonFire 39
It'd be worth the prison time.
RichardPencil 32
You did ruin her fun, but she ruined your marriage and your brother became dead to you. Lots of ruining there. Just think, with a brief call ahead, you would have missed all that and things would appear to be fine. Ignorance is underrated.
AzraelAngelus 15
I really hope you have security cameras to prove what happened cause she sounds like she is going to fabricate what happened and turn you into the villain
Grincha 14
i hope your EX-WIFE already