Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
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Top comments
SuperPizzaMan_fml 11
More like FHL. Poor penis.. :(
littlexlune 16
Better luck next time!
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Comments (157)
toonavball7 5
Sucks to suck, or not suck
iheartLA 10
Lol just let him put his own damn condom on.
RedPillSucks 31
Edwina scissor hands?
mbuck87 19
Haha terrible advice. I think there's already enough candidates for teen mom
insanez58 11
well that seems like a good reason to lose an erection
m3lyc 18
You deserved it for having long nails. Bloody cut the things!
RedPillSucks 31
I think she did. Oh you mean her nails, not his dick?
kieralumina 30
im not sure if this applies to others, but some of us can't cut our nails all the way down, so to people looking, they seem longer. I don't understand the desire to have super long nails, mine are long but only because of my nailbeds. I'm guessing op's aren't like that, so she should have an easier time clipping them, or at least file the tip so it isn't sharp. if she wants to keep the length, filing down the free-edge so that it doesn't feel like a knife when you touch it works.
jimmywithsalt 19
Awwww poor OP and OP's boyfriend. Learning how to properly and efficiently put on a condom is dangerously underrated.
Dashelle 25
At least you didn't nick the condom instead. That would put you both in 18 years of pain.
metmimo 8
Cut them nails!!
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
Might I suggest getting rid of the super long or fake nails first. Those things tend to cause injury and while I don't have a lot of experience with men and what they find sexy, I don't think super long or fake nails are on the list of things they find attractive.