Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
SuperPizzaMan_fml 11
More like FHL. Poor penis.. :(
littlexlune 16
Better luck next time!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (157)
Guardian88 21
Why the **** are you putting the condom on?!?!? make the **** head do it himself jeeeeze
JaneDoe1024 6
This is exactly why guys are perfectly capable of putting the condom on themselves!
buckdharma 37
Let me get this straight. Your old man, he wants some, but now has 3 cuts on his schlong? You have a nick knack padding package and took away his boner? You'll miss this man 'cause he won't phone.
sematariux 7
My name is used as such a negative noun in this story -___-
drummerp64 16
If it's what I think it is, then it's actually used as a verb.
bjdog98 9
Maybe next time he should put it on... In the mean time, buy some cucumbers.
JBrownie123 24
Either you just read a newer FML, are the OP of the other FML, or are psychic.
michaelaranda 28
It all went great..... Really? How hard is it for ur bf to get hard?
capnbzarr 43
Cut the stupid long nails. Lesbians don't like them and neither do straight dudes--ironically, this is a fashion enjoyed predominantly by straight women and not their admirers.
pnutbutternjelly 15
How???
BlesstheSilence 11
I bet those "nicks" felt like machete slices :/
earthwalker7 4
Wolverine, Will you please stop sharing our bedroom stories with the whole world??? This was private! - Scott Summers