Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I drunkenly made out with my 65 year-old married female boss. I'm a 21 year-old male intern. I have a feeling work will be awkward tomorrow. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML
Today, I told my ex I was going to bed after a few drinks, and she ended up fucking my brother while I was asleep. What an awakening to hear. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML
Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend. Two weeks before Valentine's day. She expects me to buy her a present because we've known each other for a while, and apparently thinks it's more than a drunk hookup. FML
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML
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Top comments
Metzler31 17
hahaha old lady ftw!
jpallan 3
Actually, I wouldn't worry too much about it. As Saturday Night Live memorably put it in their sketch, "Cougar Den", "I'll pay you, and this won't get messy." I'm not exactly how to put this respectfully, but anyone who is twice your age — and I'm assuming you're at least 16 — probably does not want a boyfriend half her age. She may want another shag or three, but she'd probably be more embarrassed by a public liasion than you. Really.
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Comments (120)
bones98 0
retard don't drink become straight edge
goingto_loseit 0
what's up with all the gay ass tribal tats and 'let's show my hairy stomach' pics. OP she doesn't want a relationship either. you just had more stamina then older men. she used YOU. YDI for thinking otherwise.
julie3841 11
#48 in soviet Russia Monday works you ..win
tboudre 0
she'll understand. I'm sure it ain't her first rodeo.
uhohuscrewedup 0
hahahahahahahah good job!!!! tell her the truth she probably feels the same way
MiloC_fml 3
Don't say anything- just snatch those grannies panties down in the stockroom and go for round 2. She'll toss your useless ass after she's done.
xxxmoneyxxx 0
listen to the song by hedley called. "don't talk to strangers"
elito_fml 0
if she's twice your age, she probably wouldnt be expecting an relationship. and honestly, drunken sex, doesnt just happen that easy, it showed that you actually made a move on her while you guys were drinking/tipsy. so u got what u deserved. FYL and YDI
franciscovegas 3
you had sex with an old woman? she could've been your granma!
fidelityllama 0
honestly, i think the funniest part about this is the fact that you're from utah.