Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend. Two weeks before Valentine's day. She expects me to buy her a present because we've known each other for a while, and apparently thinks it's more than a drunk hookup. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of two years. I got a call from my best friend telling me he had slept with her before we went out drinking the night before. FML
Today, my best friend, with whom I have been in love for years, kissed me, hugged me, held my hand, hooked up with me and told me that he loved me more than anything and wanted to be with me... until he sobered up and his girlfriend got back to town. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML
Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML
Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty, because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML
Today, I spent a lot of effort making sure my roommate had a good birthday. We've hooked up in the past, and a mutual friend of ours is staying the night. Also someone I've made out with before. We were hanging out and the vibes were good, but when I initiated a cuddle puddle, they declined. Now they are hooking up without me. FML
Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML
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Top comments
mickymoose1 15
Sounds like you should be more clear about where you and your "friends" stand prior to hooking up. If you're unable to do that, maybe refrain from drinking with your "friends" since that's how people end up feeling like they were used for sex and so much unnecessary hurt comes from not being upfront about what you want.
tounces7 28
Depends if she was drunk or not. But, realistically, we all know there's a huge double-standard there.
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
Get her a bottle of booze and you can keep up your winning streak!
bobsanction 18
You mean she sexually assaulted you while you were intoxicated and therefore could not consent. You know what you should get her for valentines day? Sexual assault charges.
tounces7 28
Depends if she was drunk or not. But, realistically, we all know there's a huge double-standard there.
Samantha Reid 3
Which part of the OP'S statement do they suggest sexual assault? I'm sure if thats the fml they would have stated so. Give your head a wobble.
mickymoose1 15
Sounds like you should be more clear about where you and your "friends" stand prior to hooking up. If you're unable to do that, maybe refrain from drinking with your "friends" since that's how people end up feeling like they were used for sex and so much unnecessary hurt comes from not being upfront about what you want.
Karine Broderick 4
damn that sucks