Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I drunkenly made out with my 65 year-old married female boss. I'm a 21 year-old male intern. I have a feeling work will be awkward tomorrow. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML
Today, I told my ex I was going to bed after a few drinks, and she ended up fucking my brother while I was asleep. What an awakening to hear. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML
Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend. Two weeks before Valentine's day. She expects me to buy her a present because we've known each other for a while, and apparently thinks it's more than a drunk hookup. FML
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML
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Top comments
Metzler31 17
hahaha old lady ftw!
jpallan 3
Actually, I wouldn't worry too much about it. As Saturday Night Live memorably put it in their sketch, "Cougar Den", "I'll pay you, and this won't get messy." I'm not exactly how to put this respectfully, but anyone who is twice your age — and I'm assuming you're at least 16 — probably does not want a boyfriend half her age. She may want another shag or three, but she'd probably be more embarrassed by a public liasion than you. Really.
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Comments (120)
kekelala3 0
Well stop trying to post stuff on here, wasting your time while u could be figuring something out.
islandgoddess 0
If you were so drunk (&stupid) to remember even having sex with her, then she's probably more disappointed & can't wait to GTFO & forget it, more than you are. YDI
perdix 31
That's exactly why I'm stocked up on "Old Guys Rule" gear from the T-shirts and satin sheets to the restraints and ball gags ;) Rawr!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Please tell me that was a Robot Chicken reference!
The_BFG_24 0
clluutttchh hahahaha
ButterflyLadyBug 14
what makes you think she wants a relationship with you??? I don't understand why people (especially men) that if they sleep with a single woman that she's automatically thinks "relationship".. if she didnt mention it to you before the sex you have no reason to think she wants you. and her being nearly "twice your age" she knows the game, she probably used you to get off as you used her!! ha!
underpaid011 0
if she is twice your age, she knows it was just drunken sex. congrats bagging the couger.
davidle1 0
tell her you found god and are giving up on relationships. that or tell her your a late bloomer and found out just yesterday your turn gay and bob is your lover.
mjhmia 0
This is a blackmail opportunity for a raise. Chances are she has a lot more to lose than a punk half her age.
cheekywench 0
You knew you were out cougar hunting. Pussy is pussy, never means you have to look at her while your getting it. As for having to work with her, LOL. You should know better than to poke your dick into coworker.