Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I drunkenly made out with my 65 year-old married female boss. I'm a 21 year-old male intern. I have a feeling work will be awkward tomorrow. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML
Today, I told my ex I was going to bed after a few drinks, and she ended up fucking my brother while I was asleep. What an awakening to hear. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML
Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend. Two weeks before Valentine's day. She expects me to buy her a present because we've known each other for a while, and apparently thinks it's more than a drunk hookup. FML
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML
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Top comments
Metzler31 17
hahaha old lady ftw!
jpallan 3
Actually, I wouldn't worry too much about it. As Saturday Night Live memorably put it in their sketch, "Cougar Den", "I'll pay you, and this won't get messy." I'm not exactly how to put this respectfully, but anyone who is twice your age — and I'm assuming you're at least 16 — probably does not want a boyfriend half her age. She may want another shag or three, but she'd probably be more embarrassed by a public liasion than you. Really.
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Comments (120)
Alitsia88 4
109 - win! so what i was thinking, lol!!!
FMyJunk 0
Yeah, there's no need for this conversation. She doesn't want you to be her boyfriend, trust me.
Skimbap 0
One simple solution: Car bombs!
iDemonChild 0
Damnit you should of listened to Hedley's "Don't talk to strangers song" :/ I suppose it is known to you as "Don't **** your colleagues"
Mirm83 0
I agree. You're probably only assuming that she wants a relationship with you. There are many girls who are perfectly capable of having a one-night stand, with no attachments. Some, like me, prefer them. The most disappointing thing about most guys I've hooked up with, is that they don't get it, and go out of their way to be jerks because they are afraid I love them, or something. The ones that didn't do that got breakfast, a good friend, and laid again sometime in the future.
ChiefLancaster 0
FAP FAP FAP,, did it sound like that the first night??? LOL,, just go into work ad ignore her,, she may have been drunk too and doesn't want to be mixed up with a child that can not handle an older woman,, send me her number, Ill hook her up..
superguppy19 3
could have been worse she could be your boss
sammyjo06 14
If she's twice your age, I think she knows what that was lol...Assuming she's 50+, she's been around twice as long as you have; she knows what drunken sex is. Don't flatter yourself that she'll want a relationship out of it.
nmlutgen 11
If she's really twice your age, she won't assume you're going to have a relationship from one night of drunken sex. Next.