Weird

Manager of the year

By xmeatballx21 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday." He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 989

You deserved it 3 512

Oddball

By Iwtumn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Austria - Deutschlandsberg

Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 492

You deserved it 7 352

Lonely girl

By MrBougie - 25/02/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I bought a 37-pound sex doll on Amazon, just so I could cuddle it and cry myself to sleep, until she decides if she wants a divorce in three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 349

Romance

By shortyybrooke - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 737

You deserved it 542

Mortifying

By Anonymous - 21/02/2024 09:00 - United States - San Ramon

Today, I was doing my nightly check of my daughter's phone since a recent stint in the psych hospital, and saw that she had fallen into a peaceful sleep to watching videos on a website dedicated to watching people die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 190

Unlucky 180

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I’m in hospital because a pub dart fell from the sky, seemingly from nowhere, and stuck itself in the top of my skull. I was walking my dog, I wasn’t near any trees or any high buildings it could have fallen from. If someone threw it from where I couldn’t see them, it was a very lucky shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 91

Snitched

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 22:00

Today, I caught a grubby, evil-smelling, foul-mouthed woman blatantly shoplifting by stuffing electronics into her coat pockets, so I detained her and called the police. Less than an hour later I was fired. She was the shop owner's mother and “had permission” to just take stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 117

Red flag

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Elk River

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 305

You deserved it 3 737

Reported

By Anonymous - 06/02/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, police questioned me on behalf of my doctor, who couldn’t believe one person could use so much insulin, so he thinks I’m selling it to bodybuilders. I really do use it all myself, I use about 6 times as much as my sister who is also diabetic, and my diet is normal. I only weigh 10.5 stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 128

Triangle

By Anonymous - 05/02/2024 09:00 - France - Paris

Today, after I started dating a guy and a girl simultaneously to keep my options open, they turned out to be siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 1 052

What the…?

By Anonymous - 05/02/2024 06:00

Today, my dad showed up at my house and offered to take me to my favorite restaurant. He drove me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He believes I only had my daughter, who I love with all my heart, because I drunkenly hooked up with a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 138

What did you do?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2024 06:00

Today, at my niece's christening, I was outside with family when we suddenly heard shouting and the priest pushing my husband outside while screaming, “GET OUT OF MY CHURCH!” Friar Tuck style. It’s been six hours and husband still won’t tell me what he did that upset a priest that badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 134

Rivalry

By todd - 01/02/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got fired from her job for arguing with her female coworker. I found out from a mutual friend that the reason they were arguing was because they were fighting over "a hot male coworker" who hooked up with the female coworker. I think I need to leave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 119

Free Jazz

By Greg Towers - 30/01/2024 09:00 - United States - Plymouth Meeting

Today, I had to blow my nose at a jazz jam session. I blew my nose so hard that I blew the major third over a minor chord and everyone started throwing full bottles of beer at me. Fuck you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 435

They grow up so fast these days…

By Katie Howard - 29/01/2024 15:00 - United States - Louisville

Today, the car shop called me and told me an 8 year-old boy stole my car and wrecked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 85

Confused?

By Anonymous - 25/01/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, after a day spent together, the police came to my girlfriend's place, telling me to leave without explanation. I'm now at a hotel, discovering she made false, negative statements about me in papers they provided. Despite recent love and commitment, it seems she wants to break up, leaving me confused and alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 131

Tense dinner

By Anonymous - 25/01/2024 09:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to dinner with my husband's family to celebrate our nephew's birthday. He spent the entire dinner flirting with his sister, then got offended when I said that his behavior was weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 164

Genetics

By lordoftheweird - 23/01/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, my grandmother is shocked that literally all of her kids and grandkids have mental handicaps. She won't admit it's because her and my grandfather are first cousins, and is claiming instead it's, "because of gluten." FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 149

What?

By Anonymous - 21/01/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I had to deal with my baby daddy, who I currently live with and was in a relationship with (but not anymore after today) cursed me out after someone who works for the county came to our home and served him papers. Mind you he’s been speaking on the phone with this person, and told them he would be home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 200

No kinkshaming

By Anonymous - 20/01/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my wife told me she doesn’t understand why I’m uncomfortable with her being the moderator of “Sex Talk” forum, the top pinned message board of which is “Adultery Cuckolding.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 193

Weird flex, but OK

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after two days of not showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 356

You deserved it 42 222

Why would you do this?

By harrassment101 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a female co-worker was struggling with a stack of boxes in her hands. Her pantyhose was falling down and she asked me to help her, so I pulled up her pantyhose. When I looked up, she had a horrified look on her face. She was asking me to help her hold the boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 568

You deserved it 57 450

Kinda weird

By Michelles Mom - 10/01/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, when my baby girl was born, my husband insisted we name her “Michelle” Michelle is the name of his coworker, who he potentially has a crush on. He insists that Michelle is strictly professional and he’d divorce me if I didn’t follow through with the name. Michelle is our new daughter’s name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 705

Bitterness

By Anonymous - 07/01/2024 22:00 - Sweden - Lidingoe

Today, I ran into a guy I haven't seen since high school. He started ranting about what an asshole I was for not inviting him to my birthday party when I was 12. We're 50 now, the party was cancelled because my granddad died, and we were not friends anyway, I just hung out with him as I felt sorry for him sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 119

Customer of the day

By oped01 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cape Coral

Today, in a department store, a woman with a parrot sitting on her shoulder was trying to return a coffee maker. She explained that she had to return the coffee maker because the bird didn't like it sitting on the kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 409

You deserved it 1 075

Welcome to the world

By 2nd place - 06/01/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I realized my wife named our newborn son after her ex-boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't the abusive, cheating, womanizer ex that she originally described when we first met. To make things better, he was the one that eventually cut her off, not the other way around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 118

My house, my rules

By lordoftheweird - 06/01/2024 15:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I had to make a house rule for my extended family who live with me: No more incestuous sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 149

I didn't ask for this

By SoWhat - 06/01/2024 00:00 - Switzerland

Today, an annoying ex-coworker I have ignored for 15 years sent me an e-mail to "inform me of her new address." The e-mail actually enclosed a video of her touring the new house and garden like a realtor. I skipped to the end where she humblebrags about how "grateful" she is "to be blessed with this property." FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 130

Insensitive

By WTF?! - 05/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was the designated emotional support person for my friend's mom as she went to have her sick cat put down. The cat was aggressive towards the male vet. She said, "She doesn't like men" to which the vet replied, "Well, soon that won't be a problem." The willpower it took both of us to not yell at him, or worse… FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 284

The most wrong FML ever

By Anonymous - 05/01/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, it's common knowledge that Lana Del Rey is a no-talent hack. Yet, she has more daily Spotify streams than Ed Sheeran, Adele, Michael Jackson, Beyoncé, Bon Jovi, Radiohead, AC/DC, Robbie Williams, ABBA, Céline Dion, the Backstreet Boys, and the Beatles. Music is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 917

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 410

You deserved it 8 795

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend telling me he still likes me and might love me too. Later I asked him if he really meant it and his response was "I don't know. I was high." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 026

You deserved it 5 445

Today, my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 092

You deserved it 7 916

Today, while stepping out of the shower, I slipped and cut my head. I went to the hospital, got 8 stitches and was tested for head trauma. After hours of ignoring my calls and texts, my girlfriend finally responded, very angrily. Why? Today is her birthday, and I "selfishly made it about me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 164

You deserved it 4 162

Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 959

You deserved it 5 072

Today, my parents have decided to ground me if I don’t wake up early. If I wake up early, I get migraines. Not only that, but the migraines always last for exactly as long as the grounding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 149