Weird

Oddly specific reason

By jesse - 22/11/2024 16:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I went out to dinner with a cute, funny, smart, amazing girl. Or at least I thought she was cute, until she started coughing after her meal. She explained that she coughs after she eats. Can you say dealbreaker? FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 881

Micromanagement

By Anonymous - 19/11/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom - City of Westminster

Today, I’m 15 and my mother banned me from watching YouTube because it’s "distracting." What the f***? How? Now I have to pretend that I've watched the things my friends send me so they won’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 529

Due diligence

By jobless - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Buffalo

Today, I heard back from a company that I recently interviewed with. They told me I didn't get the job because "it was obvious that I had been coached." I wasn't. Sorry that I actually researched the company unlike the rest of the nitwit candidates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 112

You deserved it 3 909

Backhanded

By Anonymous - 15/11/2024 16:00 - South Africa

Today, I miss someone I shouldn’t. Someone who made me feel like complete shit, but I hope they're happy wherever they are, and they take care of themselves. I hope they heal with their family. I hope they are good and things workout for them. That they realise how awful they were and finally change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 401

Freestyle

By Anonymous - 11/11/2024 12:00 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I'd practiced for a slam poetry night all day. When I got up on stage, I forgot all of it and, for some reason, and my brain refused to improvise around my planned themes, so I launched into a totally unrelated rant about how confusing microwaves are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 215

Give it to me

By Kait - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 492

You deserved it 3 598

Are you serious?

By ummno - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I'd only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 038

You deserved it 13 744

This is wrong on so many levels

By Catfished - 04/11/2024 07:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, I was supposed to meet up with a girl I met on a dating app and had been chatting with. We exchanged the classic, "I'll be here and wearing this." At the location, a girl from a distance, wearing the described outfit, was checking me out. I immediately bailed out. Not only she is 9, she is also a student of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 126

A lot going on

By Anonymous - 01/11/2024 15:00 - United States - Hummelstown

Today, I found all of my underwear frozen in my freezer. I put my underwear in the washer before I left for work. I then put them in the dryer. I woke up and tried to put them on several times thinking I was missing the pant holes. I finally turned on the lights to see that each leg hole was sewn shut, all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 126

Spirit world

By coldasfire - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 809

You deserved it 2 552

Who DOESN'T wear deodorant?

By mary - 31/10/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I was screamed at and called a "gross bitch" in front of my entire school for wearing deodorant when it’s less than 50 degrees outside. As if I could help the fact that I need deodorant year round… FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 99

Thanks, I hate it!

By Dimples - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Sanford

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 904

You deserved it 3 534

Sure, come on in…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - La Mesa

Today, while working third shift alone at a gas station, I had to deal with a crazy guy tripping balls and asking me if it was okay to bring a gun into the place. I don't get paid nearly enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 677

You deserved it 1 662

Not sure what's going on here, but…

By Anonymous - 22/10/2024 12:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'm 58 years-old, and the 40 year-old woman I'm sleeping with is so tight that she "spits me out" every time she has an orgasm. I have to work it back in at least 5 times every time we get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 509

Great reference

By Anonymous - 21/10/2024 05:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after I'd asked my brother be my reference for a job, he made up some story about a 9-month contract, then the work was done so they told me not to come anymore. My potential new boss told me how big of a liar I was and how it cost me the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 599

That's wild

By Anonymous - 20/10/2024 23:30 - India

Today, a colleague was telling me she still breastfeeds her 4 year-old son, and that she has breastfed kids of her neighbours too. She kept talking about it and I ended up staring at her ample breasts. She noticed and asked me if I wanted too. Now I don’t know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 289

Never forget

By Anonymous - 14/10/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, the guy I went to prom with way back in 2006 decided to message me out of the blue. He’s now one of those red pill, MGTOW, woman-hater types. He told me all the reasons he’s too good for me, and why I’ll never have a man like him. I’ve spoken to him maybe twice in the last 18 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 94

How on Earth…?

By Ouch - 14/10/2024 05:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I cut my finger trying to open a door. Yes, I am just as confused as you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 80

Bad omen

By Anonymous - 10/10/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I found out that my landlord had been showing my apartment to new tenants without telling me, when I woke up this morning to a family of four staring at me scratching my nuts whilst watching TV on my couch in my pajamas, horrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 64

Workers unite!

By Anonymous - 09/10/2024 15:00 - Australia

Today, the train to work was both late and almost empty. The city deserted with barely a soul in sight. It wasn’t until arriving at the office that I realised everything is closed due to a Public Holiday. I’m new to this state and not one colleague or acquaintance mentioned it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 139

Creepypasta time

By Saw - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 023

You deserved it 2 728

Judge Judy much?

By Why are they all like this? - 01/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I found some thigh high socks in my boyfriend's drawer. Furious, I confronted him. He confessed they were his and put them on to show me they fit. I had to dump him, it was just too weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 910

Passive agressive on a whole new level

By Joe Bloggs - 30/09/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was at my usual coffee shop when I overheard a couple at the next table arguing about how to break up. They decided to have a “Breakup Party” and invited everyone around them, including me, right there and then. I ended up eating free cake while watching their weird, messy breakup unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 133

That's not my name

By Not Jennifer - 30/09/2024 09:00 - Canada

Today, while I was using the bathroom at work, I heard someone come into the stall next to mine and start talking. Thinking they were on the phone, I stayed quiet… but then they said, “I know it’s you, Jennifer.” My name isn't Jennifer. I had to sit there in silence until they left, pretending to be someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 207

Oddly specific reference

By Anonymous - 28/09/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my boyfriend's dad. He was wearing a suit, and talks like Carson the butler from Downton Abbey. At first I thought he was putting on an act, like he was going to yell "Surprise!" at any moment and start acting normally. Nope. That’s actually how he is and it’s weirding me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 151

Explain yourself!

By Anonymous - 26/09/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom - Tamworth

Today, my boyfriend of four years proposed, and I said yes! Not even three hours later, I got a text message asking if we could just be friends instead. He won't tell me what changed, and doesn't feel like he owes me any explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 86

Dancing King

By Anonymous - 23/09/2024 14:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I was demoted from my job because the security cameras caught me dancing in the elevator, and it was considered "inappropriate behavior." I was celebrating getting a promotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 106

Where are we?

By Jobless - 22/09/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I got in the elevator with my dog and pressed the button for my floor. Instead of going up, it dropped two floors and opened up to a random basement room filled with nothing but mannequins, and wouldn't go back up. I had to fumble our way to the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 96

What is happening right now?

By Kevin can't wait - 21/09/2024 12:00 - France - Brest

Today, I got a notification from a delivery carrier that my package had been delivered. I opened the door to find a perfectly wrapped box with no address, no label, and a note inside saying, "You’ll know when it’s time." I still don’t know what it means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 80

Irrational response

By Anonymous - 19/09/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, after a horrible day at work, I called my wife on the drive home and asked if she could start the kettle so I could have a cup of tea when I got home. She shrieked, "I'm not your maid!" and hung up on me, then threw hot water in my face when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 110

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 471

You deserved it 3 040

Today, my step-mom yelled at me for an hour, calling me a slut because our male dog saw me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 841

You deserved it 3 368

Today, I got robbed at the gas station I work at. After only getting $38 dollars out the register, the guy then stole my purse. It had my rent money in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 936

You deserved it 4 544

Today, I was just about to do an important presentation in front of my boss and co-workers. When, without warning I tripped in front of everyone and knocked a VERY expensive computer off the table. How do I know it was so expensive? I'm paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 377

You deserved it 5 137

Today, I embarrassed myself and my husband at the wedding of one of his rich cousins by trying caviar for the first time, finding it unbearably disgusting, choking, spitting it out all over the table, and downing three glasses of water to stop myself coughing. Now they think I’m common as muck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 930

Today, I made the mistake of telling my militant vegan coworker I have fond memories of hunting with my dad, which set her off like a tofu-powered grenade. If she doesn’t stop treating me like the devil, making snide comments, and other shit, I may have to go to HR about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 257